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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My fucking husband!!!

102 replies

Babysharkdoo · 09/06/2018 15:34

So, husband has a sis and bro and his bro is currently divorcing his heating wife.

In the car this afternoon and bro comes up in conversation (by him) and I say that I hope he has better luck with his next partner than he has had with this one and his previous....

Dh says ‘Well, he needs to change his ways. He needs to stop going for these really attractive women, and stop just choosing a partner because they look good’

Now, dh never says anything vaguely complimentary about me. Sil has been pretty awful to me (and dh) and this is the second time he has complimented her looks. The first was when he was talking to our neighbours and said that she was very glamorous (again, he would NEVER) say that about me. Indeed, I am often called slovenly, lazy and embarrassing by dh.

Aibu to be pissed off? Because I am currently raging!!!!

OP posts:
mummymeister · 09/06/2018 15:55

What a catch he is!!

If this is a regular pattern OP, what are you going to do about it?

sit around and take this shit or take some action?

why do women value themselves so little that they think that this sort of talk from a "loving partner" is acceptable?

don't care how wonderful he looks on the outside because he sounds rotten on the inside.

QueenArseClangers · 09/06/2018 15:57

Why on earth are you with this specimen?
LTB.

2good · 09/06/2018 15:58

Wow! Regardless of what he says about other women, he should never speak to you or about you the way he does!

Huskylover1 · 09/06/2018 15:59

I take it your DH is a George Clooney look a like?

Ruffian · 09/06/2018 15:59

I don't understand why you mind so much about the ex SILs - he's making it clear that he disliked them as people despite their good looks which would normally be seen as quite mature but...his attitude to you is Shock.

Calls you slovenly and pathetic and embarassing? WTAF? No.

Huskylover1 · 09/06/2018 15:59

I think you should say something like:

"Yeah, well, Brad Pitt you most certainly ain't, so fuck off"

Bobbybear10 · 09/06/2018 16:01

Do you not think you could aim a little higher OP?
Honestly it wouldn’t be at all difficult to find someone even slightly higher on the decent human spectrum than your ‘charming’ partner!

Ryder63 · 09/06/2018 16:04

You are not shit OP - you are married to a big lump of it, however.

HornyTortoise · 09/06/2018 16:04

"Yeah, well, Brad Pitt you most certainly ain't, so fuck off"

Quite.

Singlenotsingle · 09/06/2018 16:07

Was he born rude or did he take lessons?

SlothSlothSloth · 09/06/2018 16:09

Even if he is wonderful in every other way, insulting you and never saying anything nice to you means this man simply fails as a partner. Please know that functional relationships are not like this. If you leave him you will eventually feel so much better about yourself, and may even find someone who actually loves and respects you. You know, the way your partner is meant to.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 09/06/2018 16:09

Ouch, that must have hurt OP. I'd be feeling pretty devastated hearing that.

It may have been a throwaway comment, but it was a thoughtless one.

happypoobum · 09/06/2018 16:12

Oh bin him off. Wouldn't you rather be single than in a relationship with someone who calls you names and finds you "embarrassing?" Flowers

formerbabe · 09/06/2018 16:17

Lazy, slovenly and embarrassing Shock. That's not nice.

What are his grounds for calling you that? Are you actually waynetta slob wearing a filthy tracksuit and with questionable hygiene habits? In that case, he'd perhaps have a point. Or does he just think any woman who's not a dolly bird is lazy, slovenly and embarrassing?

Fishface77 · 09/06/2018 16:17

He’s a knob.
Tell him you always thought you’d marry Brad Pitt not cess pit.

Collaborate · 09/06/2018 16:18

Had OP been a male there would already have been numerous responses examining the ways in which OP is slovenly, lazy and embarrassing. Instead, it's a given that OP is none of those.

Oh well...

Kittykat93 · 09/06/2018 16:25

I'd have probably turned round and said well if you find her so attractive why don't you both fuck off together?

But I'm rather petty in arguments Grin

He's being a dick. I wouldn't like the comments about being lazy etc and they need to stop.

BottleOfJameson · 09/06/2018 16:26

Agree with PP his comments about Sil sound fine it's the obnoxious stuff he says to you that I'd take issue with.

BottleOfJameson · 09/06/2018 16:27

Instead, it's a given that OP is none of those.

I've never seen anyone encouraged to actually call their male partner lazy and embarrassing to their face. What would you hope to achieve by that?

AbsolutelyBeginning · 09/06/2018 16:29

I said to dh that his bro’s wife is actually rather plain looking (which she is) and he said ‘well I think she is attractive, she’s a good looking girl. She’s not a nice person though’

Why can you not accept his evaluation of SIL? He has his opinion on her outside and her inside. You have yours. I don't see the problem?

mummymeister · 09/06/2018 16:29

Collaborate - err no that's not what I would be saying and neither would lots of other posters!

if you cant stand your other half to the extent that you use this sort of abusive language to them then this isn't a marriage is it?

Do you think that it is OK to speak to someone like this, someone that you are supposed to love more than anyone else? Its hurling accusations isn't it - not constructive bloody criticism. We all have lazy times in our lives for whatever reason but my OH would make a joke out of it and would also know that whilst its me being lazy or distracted today it will be him doing it tomorrow.

why on earth would anyone call their life partner embarrassing?

AbsolutelyBeginning · 09/06/2018 16:31

Now, dh never says anything vaguely complimentary about me

This, of course, is the real problem. This is what you need to work on. It's a shame your anger about this came out in an unrelated talk, but I have been there and I know how these things can happen.

Your DH is taking you for granted and it is rightly making you angry. Now, you need a plan to shake up his world. How upset are you by this? Would you be willing to LTB or do you just want to shake things up a bit?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 09/06/2018 16:32

So it's ok for you to call her plain but he's not allowed his own opinion?

His comments to you re lazy etc were rude unless true and he was trying to address the issues.

CookPassBabtridge · 09/06/2018 16:32

The issue is not with the compliments, I acknowledge if others are attractive.. but the fact he doesn't compliment you AND puts you down is terrible. Your extreme reaction says this is the tip of the iceberg.

formerbabe · 09/06/2018 16:37

Please don't flame me... but op, are you lazy?