To think DH shouldn’t have his previous wedding albums on our shelf

[Vanessatiger]

Amongst other albums he has on his ex wife and ex girlfriends he lived with. Yes he’s allowed to have had a life before me, but our guests sometimes rummage through the albums and I feel embarrassed he still has them so visible. He gets aggressive when I ask him to remove them. He took a book and slapped me on the face :(

You need to leave. If you are in the Middle East, can you appeal to the UK consulate or consulate of your citizenship for protection and aid? Would you be able to invent a reason to leave the country to visit relatives and then just not return?

If you're in the UK or another similar country, do you have family or friends you can flee to?

If you can't pack up a household and leave, then leave with the clothes on your back and a suitcase. You can always get more 'stuff'.

We both have wedding albums from previous marriages.
BUT they stashed away for the kids one day.
If my husband wanted it out in the living room shelf I'd be quite
Worried 😯
Not normal.
He's taking all his bad temper and frustration out on you.
You are not his punch bag.
He's an alcoholic and needs help.
Until he deals with that he can't have a normal healthy relationship with anyone.

Could you go on holiday to the UK and seek help once you are here? Are you a UK citizen?

If you're in the Middle East can you do the typical thing of taking the kids to Europe for a few weeks over the summer? And not come back.

OP said in another thread that she is in an expat community in a developing country...

So OK, there are several questions,You are not married ? Are you British ?
I suppose you are in the Middle East, (or does he work away ?)
Do you have a home/base in the UK, family? friends ?
if so, you need to go home for a visit, & take it from there,
it will not be easy, there may well be financial hardships, (you can over come them)
This needs planning, with caution, putting together documents, proof of his income, shares, life insurance, mortgage? your & children passports safely hidden out of the house. in your case deposit box at the bank ?
safe guard your internet & phone passwords, turn off find my phone, any shared cloud etc....
don't panic, it needs planning...

Wait, aren't you the lady with all the domestic help whose husband is away right now? If so, can you just leave before he comes back?

That will depend if OP can just book flights/walk out of the door.
& has somewhere to go & some money to live on

Do you have any family or friends in the UK that you could ‘visit’ with your children? I am not sure how the laws work, or whether if you gather proof you could claim asylum in the UK. Can you say which country you reside in, so we can look up the law/ rules on domestic violence/ leaving your marriage? I am so hoping that you are in the UK but I fear you are not.

I would be very careful not to make any decisions until you have had legal advice. Do still gather together your important documents and a backpack with a change of clothes each for you and your dc. There must be an equivalent charity to woman’s aid where you live.

I need to claim asylum in the UK. I can reside there.

I find it hard to take all these steps to get out. I’m isolated in a foreign country with two little children. He’s kind most of the time. He has his demons. I’m not sure that’s enough to leave? I’m quite unhappy though.
He doesn’t make me feel good. He doesn’t support my life interests. I feel so useless.

I mean I don’t need to claim asylum *

You've written it all out for yourself:
I’m quite unhappy
He doesn’t make me feel good.
He has his demons.
He doesn’t support my life interests

I’m not sure that’s enough to leave? - you don't need 'enough' to leave. If you are unhappy, and he is making you unhappy, you can leave.

And the minute he hits you, you have more than 'enough'. The only acceptable level of violence in a relation ship is none.

Look into getting back to the UK with your kids - lie to him if you need to; HE has broken this relationship, not you.

I can't remember the poster who was in the same position, a few years ago - lavenderhoney? lavenderqueen? something lavender. I beleive she made it back and is living over her now, TG. I'll try to remember...

We're the children born in the middle east. Would three father have any rights to stop her taking them out of the country. If she just leaves now, can the courts do anything?

You have more than enough to leave! In addition to:

I’m quite unhappy
He doesn’t make me feel good.
He has his demons.
He doesn’t support my life interests

you have also detailed DH’s alcoholism, yet he doesn’t think he has a problem. You avoid him after 10 pm. He has hit you with a book. You have been so scared you locked yourself in a room. You have been feeling suicidal. He is probably OK 70% of the time. because you are making a tremendous effort not to say or do anything to annoy him but it must be hard to walk on eggshells all the time. I understand that it would be hard to leave in a foreign country with no support mechanism around you, but you have absolutely more than enough justification for leaving.

Vanessa - you being unhappy, him being unkind and not supporting your life interests might not be enough to make you leave*, but him HITTING you with a BOOK is definitely enough. He is DANGEROUS - just now, only to you, but later potentially to your children as well.

*although it would be enough for many people anyway

Leave now. The slapping and aggression is far more serious. It won't stop at this, you know. Do you really want a broken arm, or to be taking one of your kids to A&E?

Leave him. Now. Get someone to help you - the point of leaving is when abusive partners are at their most dangerous, or leave when he's out of the house for a good long time, but leave.

OP, would it be possible for you to come back to the UK with your children for a “visit” and then just refuse to get on the plane back to where you live?