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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn’t have his previous wedding albums on our shelf

119 replies

Vanessatiger · 09/06/2018 13:58

Amongst other albums he has on his ex wife and ex girlfriends he lived with. Yes he’s allowed to have had a life before me, but our guests sometimes rummage through the albums and I feel embarrassed he still has them so visible. He gets aggressive when I ask him to remove them. He took a book and slapped me on the face :(

OP posts:
FASH84 · 09/06/2018 14:51

@marjorie25 what is wrong with you? He hits her and her subsequent posts have described on going aggression , alcoholism and abuse including in front of the children. What an awful person you are.

Mix56 · 09/06/2018 14:51

So globally he's a manipulative, physically, abusing alcoholic....
You walk on egg shells around him, avoid him when he's drunk,
& the kids are learning what ?
How long until he treats his DC how your mother treated you?
Clearly this has to stop.

Oddcat · 09/06/2018 14:51

Slapping of any kind is a MASSIVE issue. Your friend is an idiot , he's condoning violence ffs.

amyddss · 09/06/2018 14:53

Get him to fuck! He hit you? Tell him to bugger off and take his precious albums with him!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/06/2018 14:59

Being hit with an object is definitely not a "minor thing".
Being hit at all is not minor, but using a weapon (even if it is "just a book") is much worse
What if next time it's a spade? or the iron? or the ironing board? Or a hammer?

Your male friend is a fuckwit too and Marjorie can gtf with her shit advice as well.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/06/2018 15:01

And yes, the alcoholism is a problem because, although it's not an excuse, it will still reduce his inhibitions and he will be more likely to hurt you.

Please sort out getting away from him ASAP.

CheshireChat · 09/06/2018 15:01

Imagine your kids are older. Noe imagine someone hits them with a book because they had a disagreement. Do you still think it's acceptable?

Unfortunately, by staying you may well give them that abuse should be tolerated. The only person that can stop the abuse is your husband and he won't, you don't owe him anything unless it involves a patio and a shovel.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/06/2018 15:01

I told a male friend about the book incident, said friend said it isn’t a major thing.

Then your male friend is a violent abuser like your husband.

Emmafh3 · 09/06/2018 15:01

Chang the locks bag up his stuff, call the police get an order in ASAP. Nobody should be a subject to violence and aggression especially children.
I hate it when even my daughter sees me and her dad bicker over what to watch on TV nevermind anything serious... Point blank no.

Mix56 · 09/06/2018 15:02

I assume slapping with the album is just one episode in a story of many small incidents, where he is verbally & physically threatening.
the "obey/if you do that or I'll divorce you is one example".
kicking doors & shouting through it an other
I am guessing you are financially dependent on him ?

pointythings · 09/06/2018 15:02

I really only have one thing to say: You need to get out.

Haffiana · 09/06/2018 15:05

I told a male friend about the book incident, said friend said it isn’t a major thing. Told me to brush it under the carpet for the sake of our relationship. So I’m confused if slapping with a book really is a major issue here.

Well, hey, just ignore everyone else and go with this excellent advice. Hmm

Whatififall · 09/06/2018 15:08

Absolutely none of this is ok. Even if he’s so kind 70% of the time, the way he is the other 30% outweighs that.

If he is away currently then this is the best time to leave. You can get all your stuff together and make plans before he returns. Someone posted the Women’s Aid phone number up the post, please call them and talk to them.

user546425732 · 09/06/2018 15:10

throw his albums away.
Leave.

WhiteCoyote · 09/06/2018 15:11

In the nicest possible way op, you need to stop excusing his disgusting behaviour because as long as you do you’ll never find it in you to leave him. No woman on this thread is exaggerating when they say you need to leave him and asap. I’ve had alcoholic family members who’ve never hit their wife. My dp lost his mother a while ago and went through some pretty shitty behaviour stages, none of which ever involved lifting a finger against me.

No amount of “kindness” on his behalf will ever make up for hitting you. Ever. Stop making excuses for him.

NotTheFordType · 09/06/2018 15:21

OP, I suggest you have this thread moved to relationships board - to do this, just press the "Report" link on your first post and ask MNHQ to move to relationships.

AIBU can be a bit of a bunfight - you'll get much more helpful responses in R'ships.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 09/06/2018 15:29

You owe it to your kids to leave.

theDudesmummy · 09/06/2018 15:30

The albums, the being "unkind", even the door slamming are things which could potentially be worked through if he wanted to work on the relationship with you and treated you as an equal partner in trying to solve relationship difficulties. But assaulting you? No. You need to make an exit plan now. Please take the advice on this thread. Contact Women's Aid. You can start on their website, which is excellent, and then call them when you are ready.

whiteroseredrose · 09/06/2018 15:30

Seriously, hitting you with a book is totally unacceptable. My DH is nice to me 99.999% of the time and vice versa. And it's not luck. I chose him because he was lovely. The point of being married is to make each other happy surely.

Think about what you want your DC to think marriage is about. Mutual support or treading on eggshells.

Orangecake123 · 09/06/2018 15:31

You need to leave. All of this is NOT normal.Abuse always escalates.Today it's only a slap, but this man could potentially kill you and also hurt your children. This is already having an effect on them, if you let it continue I can guarantee that they will spend hours crying in a therapist's office 10-15 years down the line. I grew up in a house like this where I watched my father beat my mother regularly and he did hit us too. I've lost count of the number of times the police were called but she never left him. Being good 70% isn't good enough though you may believe it. Our house wasn't a home and it was like walking on eggshells because anything could set him off.

Contact women's Aid and keep any plans a secret.

gillybeanz · 09/06/2018 15:35

do people have DH that are kind all the time? How lucky

Not lucky, just normal. Yours certainly isn't normal, he's an abuser.
Please get your children away from him, they and you deserve far better.

ByeMF · 09/06/2018 15:37

Christ luv, even my ex dh is nice to me! You need to inform the police every time he hits you or causes you other physical harm. It's assault. It's not normal or ok in a relationship.

Shoxfordian · 09/06/2018 15:40

Its not a matter of statistics. If he hits you once it should be game over op
Can you call womens aid?

FASH84 · 09/06/2018 15:40

OP are you in the UK? If not are you in a country that normalises abuse of women and subservience? This will impact on your friend's response. They are still wrong. Your husband's behaviour is unacceptable.

honeylulu · 09/06/2018 15:42

OP I think I've read one of your other posts. Are you in the Middle East? Would it be possible for you to leave with the children?

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