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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My parents keep asking to borrow money.

97 replies

JKCR2017 · 09/06/2018 11:45

Firstly, I am all for helping those in need. But lending money to people is not something I like doing as I’ve never got it back!

My parents keep asking to borrow money off myself and my partner because they are ‘broke’. They’ve been on three holidays in the last year and just booked a £1500 holiday but asked to borrow money to get their car mot’d and new tyres (they knew they needed new tyres for weeks). She always buying my younger sisters extravagnent items yet can never find the money for car repairs, bills etc and it’s really starting to wind me up especially when they repeatedly ask to borrow money off me and my brother! I wouldn’t mind if I got it back but she’s borrowed in the past and hasn’t paid back or took weeks to do so leaving us short.

We are far from well off. I’m a stay at home and my partner works his guts off to make ends meet. We do get some benefits for my disabled son which helps a lot. We are sensible, only spend what we can afford, our mortgage, car costs, bills, food and stuff for the kids come first. My mum will spend above her means every single week spending money that needs to be kept back for other things.

She’s always consistently asking to borrow money off my grandparents etc and she is so tight with her money. The ice cream van cane round to my mums house, DS & DD wanted an ice cream (£4). I had no cash so she paid for them but was demanding the money back so I had to go to the cash machine and get it before going home.

My partner has put his foot down at lending them anymore money because they seem to find it for holidays, eating out, alcohol etc. My stepdad actually earns more than my partner and they really need to get heir finances sorted.

I keep making excuses telling them we are skint (we are a little broke atm due to doing our house up). But I really need to be honest and tell them no but my mum keeps funny saying how they are so broke and can’t afford to eat.

She spend £300 in Asda the other day.. so how broke are they?

She’s borrowed off my brother this week with the promise to pay it back yesterday as he is meant to be going away this weekend. He hasn’t had it back now he is skint with no money!

Advice on how to say no and not cause an argument? 😂

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 09/06/2018 11:47

'Mum and dad stop asking me as I can't help'

HellenaHandbasket · 09/06/2018 11:48

"No, sorry but I can't help"

mimibunz · 09/06/2018 11:50

Parents should never borrow money from their children. That’s just shameful. Anyway, tell them you don’t have it to lend and you wish they would stop asking because it’s embarrassing.

brummiesue · 09/06/2018 11:50

Ummmm 'no' HmmHmmHmm

Rainbowqueeen · 09/06/2018 11:51

“Actually I was going to ask if I could borrow some cash from you”

That usually works

Original poster
JKCR2017 · 09/06/2018 11:51

My mum isn’t the type of person that listens to ‘no’. She is very self centred! Also, she knows we have a few thousand in a savings account tucked away (I stupidly told her) for a rainy day like if the car breaks down our house needs a drastic repair! She keeps asking to borrow hundreds. It’s not something we are willing to do!

OP posts:
Original poster
JKCR2017 · 09/06/2018 11:51

Or our *

OP posts:
FASH84 · 09/06/2018 11:51

No, we have smaller earnings than you, more outgoings and you seem to be able to afford plenty of holidays and luxury items that we can't.

Handsfull13 · 09/06/2018 11:52

Sorry Mum we don't have to money to give to you.

If they get demanding and pushy you have full rights to point out they can afford nice things so maybe selling some things or not booking a holiday will free up their cash.

Tell them your spare cash is locked away in savings for emergencies only. Or just say you have no money at all, probably better they think you are skint then giving them money.

Next time you borrow some money and she asks for it back tell her you'll take it off their tab they still haven't paid back.

Unfortunately I think tough love is the only way you will get through to them.

TeaStory · 09/06/2018 11:53

Advice on how to say no

“No, that won’t be possible.”

and not cause an argument?

You won’t be the one causing the argument. It sounds like the only way to avoid them starting one is by giving them money. You may just have to deal with the fallout. Sorry.

BottleOfJameson · 09/06/2018 11:54

Of course you should stop. They have a higher income than you, and fewer responsibilities. They ave money for luxuries so no need to borrow for essentials. There taking advantage.

Handsfull13 · 09/06/2018 11:54

Given your update tell her all your money is moved into a locked account which you can't access for 60 days minimum so she'll have to ask someone else. If she waits and re ask tell her you rolled it over for the next 60 says as you assumed it was important and she'd find it else where.

ValiaH · 09/06/2018 11:55

I would make up a scenario which means that the savings don't exist anymore- anything really- even just "we had to keep dipping into it for our food shopping". Then just keep saying no, and ask for the money back that you lent them a couple of times.

TeaStory · 09/06/2018 11:55

My mum isn’t the type of person that listens to ‘no’.

She doesn’t get any choice in the matter. What’s she going to do, steal the money out of your account? The only way this stops is if you stop it. It’s shit and awful and you shouldn’t have to go through it, but it doesn’t sound like she is going to be the one to make the change.

BottleOfJameson · 09/06/2018 11:55

I would tell her you've moved the money into bonds with can't be accessed. Then refuse to engage any further just keep saying "no sorry we haven't got the money".

flopsyrabbit1 · 09/06/2018 11:55

she sounds dreadful,how can she spend like that and then plead poverty

tell her straight,i dont know how she has the front

begrudging her grand kids a £4 ice cream,most would pay and not expect money in return

TeaStory · 09/06/2018 11:56

And don’t ever JADE! All that does is hand them opportunities to argue!

muffinthepuffin · 09/06/2018 11:56

You could offer to sit down with her and sort a budget...

JohnnyKarate · 09/06/2018 11:57

Just tell them straight out that they have their priorities wrong with money. My work colleague is forever moaning that he just gave his mum money stuff and she's spent it on something else. For example he's just forked out a few grand for new windows for her and she's booked to go on a Caribbean cruise.

They are taking the piss because they know they get away with it. You and your brother both need to be firm and just say no. Make sure you're in it together, because if one of you waivers then the process starts again.

Missingstreetlife · 09/06/2018 11:58

Just say no.
No excuses. Never lend money to anyone who already owes you. Say so, sometimes I give someone (small amount) money and say don't pay it back but never ask me again. Never lend what you can't afford to lose. Read Anne Dixon, a woman in your own right. Be strong, they won't like it but will get the message

M00nUnit · 09/06/2018 11:59

You say she doesn't "listen to no" but there's no other answer you can give her. You've asked us how you can say it without causing an argument but it doesn't sound like you can. Yes your mum will argue with you but you should just keep telling her that you and DP have decided never to lend anyone money so she needs to stop asking you as it's never going to happen.

hendricksy · 09/06/2018 11:59

Tell her to fuck off if she doesn't understand no... tell her you have had to use the savings for a bill.. how can you get to that age and not be able to budget!!

Missingstreetlife · 09/06/2018 12:03

What is the matter with people who want you to tie yourself up in knots and tell lies? Just be straight, believe you are within your rights and this trumps theirs, it does.

VanGoghsDog · 09/06/2018 12:03

I think I'd laugh and say "don't be ridiculous, you've just booked a holiday. Oh, you're serious. Well, no. We can't afford holidays and we don't have any spare money, it's best if you stop asking."

abigailsnan · 09/06/2018 12:04

How awful for you & your brother to be put in this position,the next time she asks for money tell her "sorry" but all our saving are in a long term account now and we don't have instant access any more.
You need to be firm with her and tell her to manage her money better you are not her personal cash machine.