My SIL is slighter younger than I am and is married to my husband's older brother. They have been together many years before my husband and I met. They have 2 sweet boys, one is 2 years old the other is 8 years old.
Both my husband and I work full time, quite stressful jobs. My SIL doesn't work, never has done, even before she had children. Just odd jobs here and there as she cuts hair. My BIL works full time as a plumber.
They constantly rely on my husband's parents to look after their children, literally they must have them every single weekend so they can go out and drink with friends. It's like they got married and had children too early on that they feel they have missed out on life. Not only that but she dumps the kids with anyone if and when she can. She has a GP appt, dumps then. She has to pop to the shops, dumps then.
My husband and I are very different, have lived our lives, have done and seen things we have always wanted to do and see before we decided to get married and have children.
Every single time my husband and I have a week off together from work it's like a cover up mission. We try our hardest not to tell family we are on holiday because when we do, we are bombarded with texts from my SIL asking us to look after their children and try and guilt trip is by saying they miss us etc.
We have had them a few times, and have taken the older boy out for a day trip on a handful of occasions. Nothing fancy but we don't have a lot of money and as it's our week off together we like to spend time just the two of us as my husband works night shifts and we'll why shouldn't we?
One time she messaged me late the night before the first day of our holiday asking us to have the children the following day in the morning. I kindly replied and said my husband was knackered and really wanted a lie in as he hadn't had a day off in ages. She didn't reply.
Then two days later we were just about to go furniture shopping and she text asking us to have one of the kids the following day. Again I said I'm sorry but we have made plans with friends (which we had) but we could do the next day. She replied saying couldn't do that day because the child had piano lessons so couldn't do it.
She then went to my MIL saying we were being awkward and unreasonable. That we didn't care about our nephews and we had upset them. Luckily this info came out months later otherwise I would have erupted!
So after years of trying to conceive I am pregnant. I have 7 weeks left of work but I have had a really difficult pregnancy followed by stressful appointments as I am a high risk birth due to other medical conditions I have.
Due to this I have always said I want one and only one child. Call me selfish but it's all I can handle financially, mentally and physically.
Anyways my SIL text me the other day even though we haven't spoken in months. The only time I hear from her is when she wants something..
She asks me to babysit her youngest son for half a day on a Thurs in two weeks time as she has a client she wants to cut hair for.
I kindly reply and say I would but I'm working all day so unfortunately I can't. I then get a call from my MIL to say she's just called her to CHECK I'm not lying, as she is convinced I start my maternity leave by then.
Honestly hand on heart don't, I'm at work. I just thought, you cheeky f*. Checking up on me to see if I'm telling the truth or not. After I replied saying I couldn't she then didn't even text back, even though I had tried to make friendly conversation.
Now I have awful anxiety that this is going to be a current thing. Once she knows I'm off, and off for an entire year it's going to be constant. To her she will just think why can't I, I'm at home what does it matter?
To me I've waited for this moment for a long long time. Will only do this once and have to return to my full time job in a year's time. She gets all the time in the world with her children.
Again nothing to do with the actual children, I adore them, they adore me and they are lovely but obviously like all children need a lot of attention.
AIBU to tell her no, and how do I do this without ruining the relationship. We aren't close but I would hate to fall out over this? I'm happy to look after them in emergency situations but it's so emotionally draining having to explain why or come up with excuses as to why I can't have the kids.