To just skip nursery?

[Housequeen101]

I have two kids, this is first time we’ve had to look into nurseries. I’m a stay at home mum and have a 6 month old. So Am only considering nursery to get her use to being away from me, fingers crossed she’ll enjoy it, going to their stay and play ect to get her use to the environment before leaving her there.

I can’t leave her crying at nursery doors ect I would have to take her home. (Don’t want to get into it all and do not need advice on this aspect) I’m going to try her with nursery but want to know about reception just incase nursery isn’t for her. (She’s 3)

After advice from mums who didn’t have they’re kids attend nursery, did you find your child harder to settle into reception? Do you get the choice in reception in wether they do full days Ect.

Thank you!

Schools vary on what they do regarding full days, so best to check what your actual school will do.

My ds didn't go to nursery, he went to childminders then straight to school. Started at school full days from day one. Absolutely loved it and still does now at age 8

No nursery or pre school or anything and settled very well into school x 2.

Mine did go to nursery but a big part of me wishes that they hadn't, I wish that I'd had that time with them. If I was a sahm I'd treasure the cuddles and play time, there's other ways to prepare them for school.

Mine went to nursery from 2 years old (8 hours a week over two days) then school nursery at 3 and four, he starts reception in September.

We only started him in nursery so he could spend some time with children his own age, and the nursery he went to provided things we couldn't (things like the pet rabbits, various messy play type things etc)

From day one he absolutely adored it, and now has a bit of sulk when half term comes around and there is no school.

All I'm trying to say is don't assume that dc will hate it and be crying at the door, I don't even get a wave goodbye these days.

That being said, if mine had been distressed at nursery (especially at two years old) I doubt very much that we would have kept him in there.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/02/nurseries-childcare-pre-school-cortisol

Worth a read OP for a balanced view of the evidence.

Personally, I think there are many ways to prepare children for school, nursery/preschool is not the only way if it doesn’t suit your DCs personality

I'm a reception teacher, It's personal choice and so I will be mindful of that if that's your decision. However, from an educational perspective and in terms of general school readiness I would advise against it. There are so many skills they will learn in nursery (not talking about reading/writing/maths) that will help to prepare them for School and make the transition for School smoother. As some people have said above, they didn't go to nursery and were fine but from my experience those who do not attend find separating from Mum much more difficult. Especially if this is new to them. They do of course always settle but it does depend on how anxious the parents are because they do pick up on that hugely. I know you said you didn't want to get into that so I won't ask your reasons but thought it was worth a mention.

I suppose it depends on how much time is spent learning relationship skills etc you do with them too and what kinds of things you do at home.

Ultimately you have to do what is best for your child. X

Also with regards to choice on full days, it really does depend on the school. We do a couple of half days in the first week and then straight in full time. Some schools do a gradual start so this might be something you want to ask when you look around schools. X

In terms of choice of reception hours. The law states that children are not required to attend education (full time or otherwise) until they reach compulsory school age. That is the term after they turn 5 (the 3 annual dates are last days of December, April and August).

Some schools will state in their admissions policy that children have to attend full time from September. Some will state certain part time options. Lots of schools are not actually aware of the legal requirements so have unlawful admissions policies. They cannot make you send your child for any set number of hours (if any!) until the child reaches compulsory school age. They might threaten you otherwise but they have no leg to stand on and can’t fine you for absences etc.

That’s the legal stance anyway. If your a child is summer born you also have the legal option of deferral until compulsory school age and apply to start your child into reception at aged 5 (at the moment this is not a legal right and some admissions authorities are being arseholes and making children miss reception and start in Y1.... the government has promised several times since 2015 that they intend to amend the admissions code on this issue and are currently “in consultation” If this applies to your child there is a very helpful Facebook group called summer born delayed admissions which is full of useful info

My anecdotal evidence is that my dcs that didn't ever go to nursery settled into school rather better than my dcs that did.

I'd try and get her to go even if it's one day a week. She may love it and want to go.

My DD1 is 3 too and we started her in nursery last September she didn't take to it at all so we pulled her out as I didn't see the point in all the stress etc if she didn't need to be there.
I am hoping she settles in this September as I know she is one of the older ones so when September 19 comes around I'm worried it's going to be too much of a big jump

As some people have said above, they didn't go to nursery and were fine but from my experience those who do not attend find separating from Mum much more difficult.

This can be a circular argument though because often parents of emotionally sensitive DC won’t have sent them to nursery/preschool because their child was sensitive and wouldn’t cope. So you see them at school and think “ah they’re not coping being separated from mum because they never went to preschool” when in fact they never went to preschool precisely because they wouldn’t have coped with the separation.

(Personally I think we send children to school far too young in the UK anyway....4 year olds are still babies really and is it any wonder they sometimes struggle with being separated from their primary attachment figures?)

I think trying it first like you said and seeing how she gets on is a really good idea. Give it some time and if they don't settle then do what is right for her. If she's not happy there then she won't be open to learning anyway. The more positive you feel about it the more it will rub off onto her. I hope it works out well for you both whichever you choose x

@Absofrigginlootly there are many reason why I child may find separation difficult at Nursery and at school. So I'm not suggesting that we assume this is the reason why. But from my experience just thinking about those who did go and those who didn't, in those who didn't find adjusting to school more difficult, not just separating. Particularly if there is not much of a gradual start like ours (not my personal choice but School policy unfortunately). If this is something that worries you or if there is a particular reason why they might find it hard then schools (should!) put something in place to support both parents and child. Every child is different, you know what's best for your child. X

2 of mine did 3 mornings playgroup and the other 3 did full time nursery. All pretty much settled the same in reception although they all cried the first few times they were left at nursery/playgroup. I know you said you don't want advise on that but if DC does cry you have to leave them and try and let them settle otherwise they will simply cry every time.

I had five children, all of whom went to nursery school at two and a half then on to the nursery attached to the infant school. All except for the youngest. They all settled without any trouble and move up to the nursery and through school. The youngest stayed home until she was four and she loved school from her first taster (when the school said I could leave her because she was enjoying herself so much). There was never a question of her "settling" - she just marched in and was at home straight away.

I'm glad I had that time with her without any rushing to school and we were free to enjoy each other's company, go out and about and just be together. I wish i had never bothered sending the others.

Maybe think of it as phasing yourself in gently?

When my daughter started school, it was full days from the get go and there was no flexibility on that. I had to leave her crying at the doors every day for the first half term.

It was hard, but because I'd been through it already at nursery, I knew she stopped crying within minutes of me leaving.

I'm a SAHM and we skipped nursery with our four. No bother going to school at all. Knew their letter sounds and could write their own name etc. Happy and well socialised too. I'm too selfish to share my kids

My DD didn’t go to nursery but went to preschool at 3. For 3 days a week for 3 hours each day.

She’s not a hugely extroverted child even now and at 3, she had good days and morning so good days but the former outweighed the latter.

It did do her good as she is an only child so Preschool sort of gently prepared her for reception.

I can imagine it would be a huge leap from being at home to full time school even with a phased start. It may be less overwhelming if they have done some Nursery sessions to get used to a class environment.
I have a Summer born son and he’s currently in Nursery, he should have started Reception last year but will start this year instead at just turned 5. He is the oldest but still gets so tired.

I love the social aspect of Nursery for my son, and all of the things he does there that I am rubbish at - bug hunts etc. but I think if you would otherwise be taking her to playgroups or meeting with friends that’s less of a consideration.

I have 4 children, 3 of school age, and I am a SAHM. I didn’t send them to nursery. It did take them slightly more time than most of their peers to settle into the school environment but once they did they became confident, empathic and popular pupils and are doing well academically. For us the stress of transitioning into nursery at a younger age wasn’t worth it. To me it is more important that my kids spent the first 5 years developing inner confidence and true independence within the security of family life.

*mornings = not

My dc1 did 2 full days at nursery from 2.5 years old
My dc2 did 1 morning a week from 2.5, then 3 mornings a week from 3.5
My dc3 didn't go anywhere
My dc4 did 1 morning a week from 2 and 2 mornings a week from 3
My dc5 did 1 morning a week from 2 and 5 mornings a week from 3.

We were given the option for part time for 4 weeks and then full time or part time for longer. So far only dc2 has needed part time hours for longer than 4 weeks.

.....but having said the above I have many friends whose kids have settled into nursery with relative ease and seem happy and confident. I suppose kids are as varied as us adults when it comes to individual characters. Perhaps my children would be less likely to settle well into nursery simply because I am cautious about it, and they pick up on that.