To just skip nursery?

[Housequeen101]

I have two kids, this is first time we’ve had to look into nurseries. I’m a stay at home mum and have a 6 month old. So Am only considering nursery to get her use to being away from me, fingers crossed she’ll enjoy it, going to their stay and play ect to get her use to the environment before leaving her there.

I can’t leave her crying at nursery doors ect I would have to take her home. (Don’t want to get into it all and do not need advice on this aspect) I’m going to try her with nursery but want to know about reception just incase nursery isn’t for her. (She’s 3)

After advice from mums who didn’t have they’re kids attend nursery, did you find your child harder to settle into reception? Do you get the choice in reception in wether they do full days Ect.

Thank you!

I have recently (after viewing half a dozen) decided to keep my 3 year old dd doing her 2 days a week at the childminders come september so wont be doing nursery. She has some SEN though and she wouldnt cope with any of the ones we viewed

Having seen the other side of the coin, the separation crying lasts only as long as the child can see the parent trying to leave them. As a result, I take a 'rip the plaster off' approach with leaving mine to minimise the agony and they both settled well (and one has SEN). I nannied. Both families I worked for the kids cried until mum was out of the door. 10 seconds later they were doing something else and like a different child. The only kids who couldn't stop crying were kids I had for one morning whilst their mum went to a hospital appointment who had never been separated from her before.
Being separated for a very short time and then increasingly longer times is the most humane way to do it and a child has to learn it at some point. A school may offer part time until they're five if you request it, but a good nursery, preschool or childminder will always offer support in this as it's a big part of what they're for. School not so much.
Put another way, would the government give you free childcare if there wasn't a proven benefit?

Thank you all for your replies!

We go to “stay and play” playgroups and have play dates regularly so she’s use to socialising with others her age.

She is a confident child, she’ll talk to anyone however whenever I’ve brought up nursery she cries and says she doesn’t want to go. I never speak about my concerns in front of her and always talk about nursery in a positive way and say how much fun she’ll have but she’s not interested.

Thanks again

You can’t guarantee your child will go in tear free at any age. Perhaps take her to see nursery and see how you and she feel about it. It may be an option for you to stay with her for some of the first session.

I’ll tell you what our lovely nursery school secretary told me, when I didn’t want to send mine more than part-time. “If you don’t need [childcare], it’s entirely up to you if you send them to nursery.” Do not feel the slightest bit of guilt whether you send yours full-time or not at all. Nursery school is not compulsory. The first year of primary school is used to bring all the students up to around the same level, so it doesn’t matter if they’ve previously had any EYFS education or not. Plenty of students will be in the same boat. (I’m a primary school governor.)

Nursery is so much more flexible than school that I do think it makes a good transition.
All the studies I’ve ever seen including the ones in the article linked earlier about the under 2s or under 3s.
There’s no evidence either way in age 3+ children.

It’s up to you ultimately. But I know I’d be terribly nervous about leaving ds (starting school this year) for whole days at school in a big class if we hadn’t had shorter sessions in smaller groups in Nursery first.

If she likes playgroup is there an associated community run pre-school. There are a few round here that offer short sessions and parents are on a rota but mostly drop and leave. It’s badically Nursery for sahps.

I think you should do it. It will get her used to other people and being away from you. As for not leaving her crying and taking her home, you may just have to bite the bullet and walk away. She will have plenty of people to settle her and you may find once your gone she will settle quickly anyway.
It will also get her used to being left when she starts reception because if she cries when she makes that transition to school you can't pull her out and take her home then you have to leave her.

There's nothing to lose by trying it surely? She might love it. Just because she's 'not interested', it might be really successful for her and you. She's 3 and ultimately you make the decisions! She is entitled to 15 free hours so why not give it a go?

Bear2014

Sorry if you misunderstood, I did say in my first post that we are trying it, the pre school provides a stay and play at the setting so are going to attend that to get her use to the environment and then try her there on her own. I just wanted advice from people who’s children didn’t attend preschool / nursery or childminders. Wanted to know incase she creates, ofcourse I hope she doesn’t and loves it.

I won’t get into the reasons why but I won’t be leaving her screaming for me. I know the difference in her cries, if she’s just whingy cry then I’ll leave her there but if she’s genuinely upset then I won’t be leaving her there.

She’ll go to school not this September but next and will be 4.

I’ve worked in a nursery before and am trained in child care and education, I remember parents leaving their kids then the parents having a cry on the way out, never understood it till now, that will be me crying in the car park 😂

I know she's cried about it when you've talked to her about it. I'd point this out. My DD is just 4. She was asked to be a bridesmaid about 6 months ago. Despite Angelina and Lettice books, she was still saying she didn't want to be a bridesmaid until 12.02 on Sat 19 May and THAT wedding. Now she's on board.
However, you know your kid, you know childcare. She didn't really know what a bridesmaid is. As far as I knew, the studies show more benefits than negatives from age 3, but that's an average. Just be careful who you're doing it for. Actually, even then who's to judge if you can't let her go just yet.

I honestly think it is cruel to skip the nursery stage

Cruel? Ludicrous.

allthatmalarkey

I completely understand when you say be carful who you’re doing it for. I have my own anxieties about preschool, I think leaving your child with people you don’t know is daunting and if I’m being honest I don’t want her to go I enjoy having her with me and would like to spend the next year with her before she starts school. I’d never let her know or pick up on my feelings about it. I know I’m doing this for her benefit and that comes before my feelings. In an ideal world she’ll love preschool but just want to be prepared if she doesn’t

I'm an SAHM too. DD3 just went to a council playgroup for six months from age four and a half, January to June, before starting school in the August. No clinginess - the first time DH and I visited the group with DD with a view to enrolling her, she couldn't get away from us fast enough to join in.

I think it was enough to get her used to group activity, sitting quietly with other children for a story, etc. in readiness for the "real thing" i.e. school. Because she was the age she was, there were zero tears or missing me, no problems with toiletting, so overall, I think it worked very well.

"She’ll go to school not this September but next and will be 4."

Can you defer your DD a year? Will she much past her birthday then? I always think 4 seems very young to start actual school. Where I am the youngest a child can be is 4 years 6 months, and even then I think parents can defer if their child is less than 4 years 8 months (I think it's 8).

We went to playgroups most mornings. After lunch was quiet play or TV for an hour then a trip to the park where we usually saw some of the people we knew from the various playgroups.
Children don’t need to go to nursery but often their parents need them to.

Mine went to my sil's part time from 1 year old. SIL is a nanny and looks after other kids so I'm sure this had a lot of benefits for dd as she's an only child. She went to preschool from 2-1 day a week at first then built it up to 3. We moved house when she was 3 and she went part time to a new preschool. On the first day she enjoyed it that much they said she could do the whole day the next day instead of just a couple of hours. A few weeks later she was asking if she could stay for after school club so I got a full time job and she went full time. When she started school they had no settling in days and she never looked back.

I can't summon much enthusiasm for training 3 year olds to 'sit quietly waiting for a story' and so on. This sense of training them to sit obediently, quietly waiting in line etc. isn't very appealing to me.

I've tried both ways. On balance I'm happier for my young DC to enjoy a variety of early years settings so they get the hang of playing, sharing, listening to explanations etc. without the onus being 'training them for school.'

My first went to her child minder no bother... no tears. The second... well he was fine as well until he watched all the other children kicking up a fuss abs thought he'd try it. I would hide round the corner and literally as soon as I was out of sight he was giggling and playing. I wouldn't ever recommend hanging about or taking them away as they learn the buttons to push. Nb...i knew my son was genuinely happy and loved nursery so I was prepared to walk and not worry.

If it’s the right nursery you should get benefit from it. My one offers so many opportunities that I’d never be able to match from home

My child loves the staff their like they are family but it is small and nurturing and there has been no turnover of staff in her room. She is now struggling with the move up to the big room. She’s a bit overwhelmed by the bigger kids, the slightly noisier environment etc. But there is time to do a really slow and gradual transition and we’re at the stage of just doing 5-10 minute visits. No-one expected she’d find the transition hard as she’s so confident and starting nursery was really easy. But I’m glad we have the chance to get her used to things gradually and I think she would have been a child that would have struggled to go straight to school without exposure to pre-school/nursery.

Mine is 2.5 and does 8am-1pm three days a week.

Put another way, would the government give you free childcare if there wasn't a proven benefit? ummm to get parents back into paid work and paying taxes? Please don’t be naive and think that the government has children’s best interests at heart. The whole reason we have one of the youngest school starting ages (4 years old, as compared to 6-7 years in most European countries) in the developed world is not based on child development research but based on encouraging parents back into the work force sooner

www.newscientist.com/article/mg22029435-000-too-much-too-young-should-schooling-start-at-age-7/

I can't summon much enthusiasm for training 3 year olds to 'sit quietly waiting for a story' and so on. This sense of training them to sit obediently, quietly waiting in line etc. isn't very appealing to me.

^^This....

And everything that @pressuredrip said. So I’ve to hear an early years professional who “gets it” and isn’t pushing the whole forced independence/school readiness agenda

“So I’ve to hear” should say “so good to hear”

Stupid autocorrect

I have 3 children all eventually will have been nursery then school.

will your child know people in reception when they start? Nursery is a good place for them to form friendships away from you. Some that will go to school with them me and I they may be not but they have developed this skill.

Just a thought. Also no need to send to nursery dead on 3.

Fwiw anecdotally I have rarely seen an unhappy child at nursery once they are in. It really is good fun.

I still remember enjoying playgroup and nursery without my mum and I went a few mornings a week. She was a Sahm.

Best of luck