To just skip nursery?

[Housequeen101]

I have two kids, this is first time we’ve had to look into nurseries. I’m a stay at home mum and have a 6 month old. So Am only considering nursery to get her use to being away from me, fingers crossed she’ll enjoy it, going to their stay and play ect to get her use to the environment before leaving her there.

I can’t leave her crying at nursery doors ect I would have to take her home. (Don’t want to get into it all and do not need advice on this aspect) I’m going to try her with nursery but want to know about reception just incase nursery isn’t for her. (She’s 3)

After advice from mums who didn’t have they’re kids attend nursery, did you find your child harder to settle into reception? Do you get the choice in reception in wether they do full days Ect.

Thank you!

My opinion (as a mother of three and an ex nursery nurse and classroom assistant) is that children either have no trouble separating from parent for nursery/school, have a very brief seperation anxiety and are fine as soon as you are gone, or have a great deal of trouble with separation anxiety and shouldn't go to nursery or school. You probably have an idea which one your daughter is by now, how does she react when strangers talk to her? In busy new places? If you are in the park or a playgroup does she stick to your side and constantly check where you are or run wild?

I don't think nursery is essential at all. I hate the constant obsession with pre preparing children for things they aren't doing in the moment. Wasting time now to get them ready for things later. Why put a child through a trauma that is unnecessary.

I say that having had two of my three children love nursery and got a lot out of going and had no separation issue. I've seen first hand the children who never settle. Parents will often be pressured to persevere and it's just not fair. School isn't compulsory anyway.

DS never did "school" nursery and stayed at his private nursery until the week before he started primary one. I panicked a bit that he wouldn't know anyone but he has settled in amazingly well despite also being the youngest in his class

I'd suggest looking at day nurseries that aren't full not pre schools too. They are usually much more flexible and fine with you not using your full hours if you don't want to.

We started off with pre school as everyone else was doing it...by DC 3 I'd changed my mind about the whole thing and we skipped the whole nursery/pre school thing from then on.

Incidentally, our DC who went to pre school are WAY 'clingier' with me than the ones who didn't! So the whole, 'getting them used to being away from you' thing just wasn't true for us.

I sent my son 2 days a week to prep him for starting school and honestly it was a waste of time. He's always been a social little guy but he hasn't actually learned a think and just gets sick all the time. But it was nice having that break while I had the baby at home.

Dcs didn't and won't go to nursery, I completely understand it's a necessity to some but there's A LOT of studies and research into the effects it can have on them and so we chose to make adjustments to our lifestyle so that I could be at home with them. There are also studies to show that children who did not attend nursery settled better into school life

Having had 4 children go through Reception I’ve seen first hand what not going to any pre school/Nursery or Childminder (ie a setting away from parents) can mean for children when they start Reception. Many will be fine but many won’t. It’s harsh to expect them to go from never being in hat environment to being there 5 days a week. Our schools do town days if half days then a day of lunch too then full days.

There are so many pros and cons for each argument. In the end DS didn't attend nursery and made a flying start to Reception. We went to the park regularly for contact with other chikdren and during the final year, we did spend a bit of time engaging in activities at home (just painting, drawing, puzzles) which required him to sit still and concentrate for 15-20-30 mins at a stretch.

Oooh, I'll also add that we did attempt to "condition" him by always saying how great school is and how he'd learn so many interesting things and meet so many people etc.

my experience is unusual this is a bit outing. I was a sahm till my little boy was 3 and a half We went to loads of groups and I tried to meet up with friends as much as I could. He's a shy sensitive little boy I was unsure about nursery but looked all around and found one I thought would be a good fit , we knew a few people going, nursery teachers supportive ECT and he started I stayed first day then gradually build up to leaving for a bit each day. It was hard he cried and was upset but he did settle though I'm sure would rather have been at home with me. Sometimes over the time he went he would have a day where he didn't really want to but I do think overall he enjoyed most of it. Anyway last September he started reception I had some reservations as he was still quiet tired ECT and school was happy to try and maybe reduce if he struggled. Then just after he started I got a call saying he was involved in a bad accident and an ambulance was on the way. He needed emergency surgery was in huge amounts of pain , it was most horrific time for us. It was a long recovery with weekly hospital appointments, physio ECT. I didn't send him back I was very unhappy with what happened. So since then he has been at home with me and on the 2 mornings I work my mum looks after him. I've deferred his start he's 5 now but will start in September at a new school. I looked at lots of schools we actually bought our first home and changed area slightly. Anyway he got our first choice and they have been incredibly supportive and are willing to be very flexible with settling in. Anyway after much thought and discussion we have decided to do some nursery sessions this term. We did a visit before half term then on Monday we went and he did 15 mins then next day half hour ECT. To be honest it's so so hard I now have anxiety about the full situation and the end of last year is just a total blur to me. He has cried about going in and us saying hes nervous ect but I feel he is doing ok uts horrible seeing him upset about it. this week we are going to take it very slowly I'm being super positive about it even though I'm very nervous but I honestly feel for my son it would be so so hard for him to be started in September knowing no one and having to stay for much longer times I honestly feel he would struggle a lot. Saying all of this he doesn't know anyone in current class , if the child would know children I think missing may be easier, also as he's older nearly all the people we knew or where friendly with are in school and we havnt really seen them as they are busy , I've tried lots of groups but a lot of the time it's much younger children. There is one we go to that has some older ones and I've started gymnastics but if your little one has lots of opportunities to socialise I think that's another positive. I think go with your gut only you know your daughter and her personality. Good luck in whatever you decide and its not permanent so if you decided not to send her then in 6 month you think she could be ready then you can try then or if you try and she didn't settle you can pull her out. I know a few people who used a playgroup it's on a few days a week you go for 2 hours and its much smaller amount of children.

I think there's pros and cons of both. I didn't have a choice but to send my child to nursery, for her as an only child it's been great for socialisation/independence. We do go to groups and the oadk and have play dates but nursery is so different to that, having to listen to and follow instructions from other adults, managing the complexities of forming friendships and what to do when you fall out without a mum or dad there to mediate for you, and even the simplest practical things like real independence in toileting. I would rather have sent her at 2/years than 1 which we had to, but I think overall it's been a really positive thing for her.

My three DC all went to pre school aged 3 or nearly 3 for two mornings a week initially (I was a SAHM at the time) and built up to four mornings by the time they started nursery. The pre school is attached to the primary school they attend, so I think it did help them settle into reception as they were familiar with the setting and the other DC.

Thing is wouldn’t it be better to have a few days nursery etc now where you can take her home when she’s distressed and crying. Rather then wait on till she’s at school and you’ve no choice?

Maybe a childminder? If you’ve never left her she really might struggle.

If you don't need or want to take her to nursery, don't.

DD1 didn't go to nursery for a few reasons, one being that the council would not let her in so that they didn't have to deal with her allergies! (They also tried that after she entered school). The second reason was I had just had a baby and didn't want the two events connected. Various friends who had children of the same age who were going to the same school scoffed at me, but my child was the one who was desperate to get into school (Why do we have to wait for the bell?) and one of their children was the one who told the teacher to fuck off and was gently pulled into the school, kicking and screaming all the way.

I think it depends on how you socialise your child before hand. I had to take mine with me wherever I went, so she was used to all sorts of different situations. I also did not threaten the DC with 'wait until you get to school' type warnings.

DD2 went for half a year, mostly because I was struggling alone with a series of events and needed some space each day (building works, family members in hospital for example). She loved it. You have to do what you think is best for your child, but also what is best for you.

Mine didn't go to nursery but went to school with barely a backward glance. I remember the reception teacher giving me a look of dismay on our first meeting as I suspect she believed ds had needed to be in an educational setting in order to learn but suspect her perspective altered pretty rapidly as three days in she asked why I hadn't mentioned how advanced he was. Obviously I stated that I was a mere parent and had no idea of what was expected on entry to reception and reasoned that she'd let me know if he was lacking in any areas. I don't regret spending their early years with them and considering how well they took to school from the first day I don't believe they missed out on anything.

Why don't you have a look at the pre school/ nurserys for 3 yr olds in your area?

My local community run pre school is for 3 and 4 year olds only (so doesn't do a longer day for childcare) - it is absolutely incredible - the children are given as long as they like to settle in - literally parents can take weeks staying with them/ going for half an hour or whatever until the child is absolutely happy to be left on their own.

Both my children have developed SOCIALLY so much from being ina group of children at the nursery - they have flourished.

For me - the leap from home to all day at school would have been enormous - why would I have missed out the much gentler part time hours of a nursery environment?

The ratio of adults to children is much much lower in a reception class - your child will hve to learn how to be 'social' in a large group pretty much on their own. IN a nursery they can go for 3 hours a day and be veyr supported by the staff.

it's a no brainer for me. I honestly think it is cruel to skip the nursery stage although interesting to hear people did it. I just can't imagine sending a 4 year old into Reception without the more child centred nursery approach first.

If she cries when you drop her off at Reception you won't be able to just take her home so I really wouldn't allow yourself to get into a situation where you are trying to drop her off at nursery, she cries and you taker her home.

If she learns that if she cries you'll take her with you, you may well create a big problem getting her to separate for Reception.

I would say it is best to avoid nursery if you plan to let her choose whether she actually goes in for each session or not.

Of course children don't have to go to nursery BUT nursery does help prepare them for the school routine such as sitting in a group to listen to stories and have group discussions, golden rules such as sharing and taking turns, choosing from a range of activities etc... I would give it a try and if she doesn't settle, try to do these things a different way such as toddler groups, stay and plays etc... Good luck

I believe children benefit from the social skills gained in nursery or pre-school. I am a working parent and am fortunate enough to have a nanny for my children, but I still send the older one to nursery for a few hours and she really gets a lot out of it. But I don't hold the view that the best place for children is with a mum all day period - I am only one person and there is a lot I can't teach or offer my child that other family/friends/teachers/etc in their lives can.

It depends on the child.

My DD cried at nursery at 18mo and cried a time preschool at 3yo - it took her a few weeks to adjust at nursery, she did tiny sessions, and a few days to adjust at preschool , she did half days.

My DS run into nursery at 1yo and run into preschool at 3yo - did all mornings straight away at nursery and all day straight away at preschool.

My son did a half day (3hrs) at nursery for a year before Reception. Eases them in and long enough IMHO. Mornings if poss, not so tiring.

*a half a day for the five days btw.

Speaking as an early years teacher, it is usually (but obviously not always) easy to spot children who have not attended any childcare/nursery setting independently. It can be that they are not used to being surrounded by a larger number of children and in particular sharing with a greater number of children usually takes longer to grasp. Even if they can play perfectly with siblings and share etc at home, the nursery/school setting comes with a whole new set of 'social' constructs for them to get to grips with. I would wholly recommend at least a few hours a week at least in a nursery setting to prepare a child for a school transition.

Mine have just done/do the 15 hours from the term after they turn 3. I chose 2 full days (9-3) and one half day (12-3). I didn't feel anything before this was needed and its just enough to get them used to it. I chose the full days to get the used to the routine of being there a full day, having dinner there etc so it wasn't to much change once school starts. Dd1 settled into reception fab . Dd2 is at preschool noe and loves it but we do have the odd day when there's some tears. Sometimes they're just not in the mood for it at that time so cry....lots of kids do. Once in though they very quickly settle and have a lovely day