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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it unreasonable to leave someone for their political views?

78 replies

MrsCD67 · 07/06/2018 21:11

DD's boyfriend is far-right and it concerns me that he has such intolerant beliefs.
However, they are his beliefs and just as he respects our beliefs, is he entitled to respect for his beliefs even though they seem completely wrong to me?
Obviously this is DD's decision but it does concern me.
What does everyone else think?

OP posts:

SantaClauseMightWork · 07/06/2018 21:12

I would never be able to live with someone like that. There is no way you can have a decent, long term future with someone whose basic ideology is so different from yours. The sooner she gets rid, the better.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 07/06/2018 21:13

I think it's a perfect reason to leave someone. It goes to character if they have hateful and intolerant views.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 07/06/2018 21:13

It would be a deal breaker for me. What are your DD’s beliefs like?

Sarahplane · 07/06/2018 21:14

you are definitely not unreasonable. I could never be in a relationship with someone who's views or beliefs were so different from my own.

Petitepamplemousse · 07/06/2018 21:14

Don’t be so ridiculous. To even suggest he should be entitled to respect for his beliefs... have you ever heard of the Nazis? Have you ever heard about what happens when people look the other way?

Your DD is being extremely U to date him and I would be losing respect for her as a daughter, and telling her in no uncertain terms how I felt about her boyfriend’s views.

This is the time to show a backbone and some principles.

Passmethecrisps · 07/06/2018 21:15

I couldn’t stay with someone whose ideology was so far removed from my own. How do you maintain friendships? Raise children? Respect each other?

I am pretty left wing and I would imagine that I would be pretty irritating to a right wing political chap - for me beliefs and moral compas is such a huge part of attraction that I can’t see it working

x2boys · 07/06/2018 21:17

Well as you say they are his beleifs and he may well feel your political beleifs completely wrong too ,thats the thing with poitics we all come from our own perspective ,but as long as people can acknowledge that others have a right to their views they dont have to agree with them.

NewYearNewMe18 · 07/06/2018 21:19

Much as it's not my ideology, it's not illegal.

I don't like far right or left views.

However peoples views shift over time, Im very middle of the road liberal these days.

Original poster

MrsCD67 · 07/06/2018 21:23

for PP who asked about DD's beliefs, she thinks immigration is a positive thing when it's documented and she thinks we should have a system like Australia does. She is tolerant of all. She is definitely right wing in terms of politics and social issues but definitely not far right

OP posts:

yikesanotherbooboo · 07/06/2018 22:10

If someone had beliefs that I found abhorrent it stands to reason that I wouldn't respect them. Perversely I can imagine loving and respecting someone who, for example, was very religious and had a strong belief in their God even though I am atheist.why would I find that acceptable but voting for Brexit unacceptable?I'm thinking that prejudice is part of the answer which is horrid.

Lellikelly26 · 07/06/2018 22:15

It depends how strong the beliefs are and how old he is. It could be just childishness and he doesn’t fully appreciate the implications, in which case a bit of education can change his ignorance

MissCharleyP · 07/06/2018 22:16

YANBU. Not quite the same but I’ve got rid of people on FB as I was sick to death of them posting fucking stupid memes about jail sentences/statistical ‘facts’/completely made up shite. Their views to me weren’t reasonable and were out of kilter with my own that I didn’t want to be associated with them in any way.

DesignStatement · 07/06/2018 22:43

I think a good relationship is based on shared values. How can you have shared values with someone in the far right (unless you are also from the far right)?

Petitepamplemousse · 07/06/2018 22:52

The Nazis and other fascist organisations RELIED on people saying things like ‘well everyone’s entitled to an opinion ’. No. Posters saying that are wet blankets and enable extremism. There is such thing as a racist, sexist or otherwise prejudiced and UNACCEPTABLE opinion and someone of far right ideology is likely to hold many of them.

TarragonChicken · 07/06/2018 22:53

Not unreasonable at all. How can you share your life with someone who has values diametrically opposed to your own? You don't have to agree on everything (!) but you need some common ground.

QuoadUltra · 07/06/2018 22:57

I agree with you that I would really hope my DC would see any far right or far left as unpalatable and intolerable.

But I would stay out of DCs relationship for fear of this backfiring.

DistanceCall · 07/06/2018 23:02

Nooooooooooooooooooo.

He is a racist, homophobic bigot. Not all beliefs are created equal. If you can't respect your fellow human beings, you deserve no respect yourself.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2018 23:04

You say she's right but not far right, I'd be questioning this if she's happy to be with someone who is. I couldn't be with someone with that much hate and intolerance inside them

bionicnemonic · 07/06/2018 23:09

I would be concerned that, if she has leanings to the right, then hearing someone talk about things constantly could normalise it in her thoughts; that she might start to agree with some of the things he says

Walkingdeadfangirl · 07/06/2018 23:10

I could date someone who voted labour but I could never date someone who was far left/right and supported Corbynism. So YANBU.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/06/2018 23:10

Shared values are a main cornerstone of a relationship.

Political views aren't just an abstract thing to talk about, they dictate how you behave throughout your life. I woukd assume the boyfriend tends towards intolerance and an us and them mentality which aren't great things in a relationship. I woukd also be concerned about his attitude to women.

40isnew50 · 07/06/2018 23:11

It is your DD's relationship and her choice. I love how the PPs are screeching about what a horrible bigot he is and she should end it with him. You don't know this guy. He is just as entitled to his views, however abhorrent they are as you all are. Who says you are right and he is wrong? He sees things differently and that is his right. It is called a "free country" for a reason.

OP, my opinion is that if your DD loves him and he is good to her then good luck to them.

FASH84 · 07/06/2018 23:14

What are his views on women OP? IME those on the far right are often misogynists too. FWIW it would be a deal breaker for me regardless, but just a different angle to consider that might directly affect DD.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2018 23:16

Let's just hope any future offsprings don't thorn out to be gay, fall in love with someone of a different ethnicity etc eh because his views on that are apparently acceptable

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 07/06/2018 23:25

Your DD can leave the relationship for whatever reason she likes. Be it his political views or the colour of his socks.

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