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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder if i will always be fat

101 replies

bluebird14 · 07/06/2018 16:09

I was a normal sized child and then gained weight around nine/ten

been fat ever since!

sometimes I lose a bit of weight but I've been morbidly obese for three years now and I just can't seem to lose it (tried loads of different things - they all work for a bit then I gain weight again.)

I just can't seem to stop eating.

OP posts:
GorgonLondon · 08/06/2018 12:45

Sorry walking perhaps you're right. It sounded like she was saying you were doomed to regain it -not true at all IMHO.

Tansie1 · 08/06/2018 12:47

Gorgon, no, not 'nasty', factual. I'm much better at being 'nasty' than that! Grin

It wasn't 'intended' in any way other than to say that it's quite easy to be, like me, quite evangelical about our epiphany and our 'stone lost in x weeks' narrative (I'm at about 11 lbs lost in 3.5 weeks). It's good to hear that people are trying to reign back at the first signs of weight gain, as we all know it's far better to have never become overweight in the first place. That often has its roots in early childhood.

I'd imagine every person on here who's ever stuck to a diet for more than a couple of days can tell a story of their initial success.

Very few, sadly, can tell us of how that weight stayed off for a year, let alone forever. Statistically, there's every reason why gorgon and I are likely to fail to keep that weight off. And I'm sure that every single person who ever decided to lose weight told themselves that 'This it it. I'm going to lose this stone/5 stone/15 stone for good this time'. A stroll down any high street tells you the reality.

The psychology of weight gain and loss is way more complex that 'eat less/move more' (and I realise that walking hasn't said otherwise!).

That's not to say that gorgon and I will definitely fail. And yes, perfectly willing to return in a year, but am realistic enough to say something like 'Yes, the 8 weeks were hard work, but I lost 1.5 stone, I felt great all summer, but by Sept half a stone had crept back on, then we had a huge family upset/celebration/illness (insert life event) and before I knew it, I'd put a stone on, so I started my diet again and so far have lost 4 lbs'.

And repeat. That', statistically, is the most likely scenario. Sad.

And good luck with your progress, walking!

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 08/06/2018 12:51

Why is there so little sympathy for those of us with weight problems? Most of us have an addiction to sugar or carbs etc, it's not just a case of stopping eating the wrong crap. If we were smokers or drug addicts or alcoholics we could stop those things completely, but we can't stop eating completely, we have to eat to live, so it's much more difficult than other addictions. I'm planning on having a gastric bypass later this year. I've had enough of dieting and putting the weight back on. I can lose weight, I've done it several times, but I can't keep it off.

Lexilooo · 08/06/2018 13:14

I would highly recommend the Dr Michael Moseley book The 8 Week Blood Sugar Diet. It is devised by qualified medical doctors and aimed at a long term turn around of eating habits for long term health. The 8 weeks in the title is because the full plan includes an 8 week phase of very low calorie and reduced carb to give you a quick boost. It also includes short exercise sessions and mindfulness.

I am using his principles (but not going quite so low calorie) and am losing weight easily without feeling hungry.

He made a BBC Horizon Documentary which you can probably find on you tube. The book is really inspirational with lots of stories of people who have followed the diet.

Openup41 · 08/06/2018 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

GorgonLondon · 08/06/2018 14:11

Er Tansie what are you on about?

Statistically, there's every reason why gorgon and I are likely to fail to keep that weight off.

That's not to say that gorgon and I will definitely fail.

What on earth makes you think I am trying to lose weight? Let alone that I am likely to 'fail' at it?

My BMI is 19, I'm 5 ft 8 and weigh 9 st 3 lbs.

Other than gaining weight as a student 20 years ago, and during my pregnancies, I have maintained a low end of normal BMI for my entire adult life.

There was nothing in my posts that suggested I am trying to lose weight. My entire lifestyle is based around maintaining my low-normal weight. I go to the gym daily and eat minimally (so I can have a few drinks too).

Please could you admit that you've just made that up for some reason, and retract your previous comments about me?

DayKay · 08/06/2018 14:20

I think a lot of very overweight people are addicted to carbs Especially bread and other wheat based products. Possibly all grains can be a problem.
It’s not easy but cutting them out permanently could really help.

Shaboohshoobah1 · 08/06/2018 14:25

But bread/pasta/whatever doesn’t have the same addictive powers as heroin, or we’d ALL be addicted and overweight. So it’s not the as being addicted to class As or booze, as someone up thread said. It’s just food - it isn’t addictive - you won’t go cold turkey if you stop eating carbs Hmm

Tansie1 · 08/06/2018 15:41

Sorry, gorgon, I meant " Walking and I".

Walking and I statistically, being dieters, stand more chance of putting the weight back on (and maybe more) than not.

If you'd curbed your outrage a little, you might've deduced that I accidentally put 'gorgon', not 'walking' in there.

But no, I won't be retracting my comment in response to you calling me nasty, however, as, as I have already stated, an acknowledgement that with the best will in the world, enthusiastic early-stage dieters rarely (sadly) turn into life long successes- does not make me 'nasty'.

Tansie1 · 08/06/2018 15:42

I don't subscribe to the concept of 'addiction' to sugar or carbs, either.

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 08/06/2018 19:18

Tansie1, that's because you've never experienced it. But I have, and I dealt with headaches and shakiness etc when I stopped them due to doing a diet that cut them out completely, it was extremely unpleasant.

EastMidsMummy · 08/06/2018 19:26

I wish people would stop declaring it simple. it obviously isn't.

It is simple, it's just not easy.

Sofabitch · 08/06/2018 19:35

It's not simple. Humans are evolved to store food. Every thing about us is genetically engineered to eat as much as possible when food is a plenty. We haven't evolved fast enough for the surplus food supplies we have.

Being over weight changes hormones and a while host of other things we are far from understanding.

If it was simple then there would be 1 in 700 odds of keeping the weight off.

Daykay · 08/06/2018 19:41

I haven’t checked any credibility or claims of this articles but it seems to make sense.

www.diabetesdaily.com/blog/2012/02/the-real-source-of-carb-addiction/

Daykay · 08/06/2018 19:42

To me, I mean.

NecklessMumster · 08/06/2018 19:42

I don't know what to do then, I need to lose about 5 stone, I feel deprived on a diet, I can't keep it up, I don't want my life to revolve around it, I know the odds of keeping it off are low, I hate Slimming World etc making money and as a feminist I think its all a bit shit but I feel a lack of confidence being overweight.

HopeClearwater · 08/06/2018 19:56

My entire lifestyle is based around maintaining my low-normal weight. I go to the gym daily and eat minimally

I am interested in why this is so important to you. Can you elaborate?

GorgonLondon · 08/06/2018 19:58

What do you mean HopeClearwater ? In what way do you want me to 'elaborate'? What specifically interests you?

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 08/06/2018 20:21

It's not simple to me, I'm on two lots of medication that have unfortunately have made me put 8kg on in the past 16 weeks. For me, it's not a case of 'it's simple, don't eat and move more'. Unless some people on here are more qualified than my doctor and know better!?? However, before the meds, I made a conscious choice to change my eating choices. I ate lots of meat, eggs, veg, fruit, full fat Greek yoghurt and cheese, lentil pasta, rice etc and allowed myself a treat at night, a glass of wine or full size chocolate bar. I also started running (walking first!!) and lost about 10kg in the space of 3 months. I actually ate a lot more than I had previously, but I ate the right things.

Kaykay06 · 08/06/2018 20:44

It can be so hard to get into the mindset, get the motivation and then discipline to successfully lose weight. Also finding what works for you, not all diets shift weight as we are all so different so finding the thing that works (and when it doesn’t it is so hard) and keeping at it can be difficult (understatement eh)

I’ve realised that I have 3 stone to lose, I’m a 14 but I look and feel like crap, perhaps not as much to lose as others but to me I just feel crap about myself. What works for me, is correct thyroxine dose, combined with low carb/sugar. It’s just getting into the zone and then see it start to come off to keep me motivated, and sometimes I don’t even lose for ages, usually indicates a blood test to check my levels. I caught myself in a mirror in town the other day and was shocked at what I saw, so am trying to cut out the junk, eat better and then excercise more, I’ve had a rough time recently (since Feb) and found myself just saying what the hell & eating anything I liked. But it’s doing me no good. So this time I hope I can lose. Will be 40 in jan and I’d like to be a size 10/12. Good luck to all trying to lose, I know how hard it can be.

HopeClearwater · 09/06/2018 20:32

GorgonLondon sorry for delay. Well, I suppose I’d like to know more about what drives you to design your lifestyle in such a way as to maintain a weight in the bottom end of the range? Do you like to wear particular styles of clothing which you feel need this? Do you have a fear of fatness? Is it about appearance or health? I’m interested in why it takes such a high priority in your life.
For disclosure, I’m ex-naturally low-normal weight myself (according to BMI) but have shifted upwards a little in recent years and I’m wondering whether to do anything about it. So I’d like to know what drives someone to aim for that.

nomoremrsniceguy · 09/06/2018 20:42

Watch The Truth About Carbs on the BBC iPlayer it's an hour that will change your life. I've been low carb for over a year now, I rarely get carb cravings and my energy levels are much better. Stop focusing on weight and concentrate on health instead.

EastMidsMummy · 11/06/2018 15:44

It's not simple. Humans are evolved to store food. Every thing about us is genetically engineered to eat as much as possible when food is a plenty. We haven't evolved fast enough for the surplus food supplies we have.

It is simple arithmetic.

Eat fewer calories than your body needs. No tricks. No short cuts. No fancy plans. Simple.

(But not easy, for the reasons you have stated...)

geekone · 11/06/2018 15:58

The problem is normally this.

"I feel fat and hate my self"

  • Severely restrict calories
"I am so hungry, so tired, and so fed up, I have only lost x, I am always going to be fat and hate myself I might as well eat."
  • binge and cry.

It doesn't work and it's not your fault it's the diet industry's fault. If you really want to lose weight it is going to take you a year or more. It's slow but it's the only way.

"Be consistently good not occasionally perfect".

Start by cutting something just one thing for a week - say if you drink full fat fizzy juice cut it to one can a day or one bag of crisps whatever it is that you know you can change but don't give them up altogether. After a week add a movement thing so maybe walk an extra kilometre, if you can get a Fitbit or one of the cheaper options they are good my DM has one try to up the number of steps weekly maybe nothing massive just more than you normally do. Don't start on a Monday just start.
When you get to 2 weeks cut something else. Little and often is the best way. You will eventually have to portion control etc and you will need to eat less of everything but cut out nothing.
Good luck op. If you want it you will do it. Watch a year to save my life the guy on that is really inspiring.

Anonymouscontent · 11/06/2018 16:03

mookatron good posts