to wonder if i will always be fat

[bluebird14]

I was a normal sized child and then gained weight around nine/ten

been fat ever since!

sometimes I lose a bit of weight but I've been morbidly obese for three years now and I just can't seem to lose it (tried loads of different things - they all work for a bit then I gain weight again.)

I just can't seem to stop eating.

It’s possible. I’ve done it. But be kind to yourself. It’s not easy.

Op. At what stage do you give up? Is it only a few weeks or is it after a few months?

I've been obese almost all my adult life, and am still classed as very obese, but I've recently gone from 327lbs to 285lbs and knocked 7 points off my BMI after buying a fitbit, downloading the free Myfitnesspal app, making better food choices and doing some daily exercise. In three months I've gone from getting out of breath walking up a slight incline, to running up stairs and easily managing five mile walks.

It's doable but you have to really want it and also find what works for you. I find that I'm setting myself up to fail if I don't plan ahead and stick to a fairly rigid routine. Luckily I don't mind eating the same food a few meals in a row, as long as there's plenty of it, even if that means two thirds of my plate is covered in steamed kale.

Agree with so many things that have been said on this post.
Don't think of it as a 'diet', think of it as a new way of living/eating.
If you are overloading on loads of sugary rubbish then you will be hungry
again after about 20 minutes!!
Just eat healthy and don't skip meals and start some sort of exercise, even if it is just walking.
Good luck, you can do this but you need to want to do it

What @sofabitch said. It's not easy. And it's not just "a bit hard" either. I get fed up of the glib "calories in calories out" and "just a bit of willpower" responses that people get on these threads. It is bloody hard. Whatever method of dieting and exercise you choose, including quitting sugar and Atkins and low carb, 95% of people who lose a lot of weight (not the 5lb-10lb range that weight normally fluctuates within) will regain it all plus more in 5 years. I will happily listen to the 5% who buck that statistic.

I don’t ascribe to the “willpower and self- control” argument so much. That works for some people (usually the ones that then come onto boards like this and say “all you need is some will power and self control!”. Different people have different motivations behind the habits that they manage to adopt and stick with.

It’s not a diet book OP (but you’ve probably read lots of them already) but have a read of Gretchen Rubins book, Better Than Before. It’s all about changing your habits, gaining good ones and losing bad ones and acknowledges that some people will find some approaches easy, while others need to find different ways to motivate themselves. There are definitely those who respond well to being given clear rules and told to stick with them (even by themselves ) because it’s the right thing to do (aka self control aand will power). My sister finds it really easy to stick to any diet / exercise plan / whatever she decides to tackle. She is strongly motivated by a desire to do the “right” thing, usually by some thing she has read and agreed with or just an aim / goal that she identifies. For me, not so much. I don’t really care about the rules or following them and I’ve never had much willpower in that respect. But if I am doing something for someone else, or as part of a group where people are relying on me or receiving praise / thanks for my efforts, that motivates me a whole lot more. The trick, in relation to losing weight, is to find the motivation that works for you.

I second (or third?) the Blood Sugar Diet.

And no, losing weight isn't easy, otherwise there'd be no fat people out there.

And yes, some people do put on fat more easily, some lose weight more easily. It really isn't fair.

I recognise that it's pure luck, not iron-willpower that has caused me to put the brakes on my increasing fatness, at 14 stone. Others get that 'brake' at 1000 cals a day, others never get it.

It's sooo easy if you have a 'normal' relationship to food, and if your brake kicks in at 1000-1200 cals to sneer at people who are fat, but sometimes it isn't as simple as to 'just eat less'; in the same way that a naturally skinny person would probably be throwing up before they could eat enough to put on a significant amount of weight.

That's not 'willpower', that's luck.

I feel like some people have an extreme lack of empathy, lots of things are more difficult to some people than others. While the idea of "just eat less and excercise more" is simple actually doing it is hard, especially if you have been over weight for a long time.
It only takes a month or so to gain a lot of weight which can take years to shift.
When I'm struggling with my weight loss I often find my self thinking "this would be so much easier if I had started this 3 years ago, it's pointless now". I now try to challenge that thought and tell myself I thought the same same thing three years ago, and if I don't do something now i wil think the same same thing in three years time.
I also try to focus on non scale victories-dress sizes, excercises I do better and how comfortable I am.
I also try to look for the feeling that I seek when I eat, I realised alot of diets didn't work for me as what i like is to feel full, not just not hungry. I now eat less during the day, (constantly nibbling on things that take a while to eat such as peas) and eat big meals at night which satisfies my need to feel full.
It's a long and hard process, but when you start valuing your little steps not just idealising your end goal it can become easier.

I feel like some people have an extreme lack of empathy

I do empathise with the OP in general, as I previously mentioned I am a couple of stone overweight myself, but I do not agree with her statement “I cannot stop eating”. That’s just a cop out.

As a PP poster mentioned, it’s just a case of value ing the enjoyment of eating more than the benefits of being healthy / weighing less. And that applies to me as well as the OP!

Only people who’ve never struggled will say it’s easy. My husband always says to me “just stop eating” but I really struggle. I’m not too overweight but at the point where nothing fits, I feel Bleurgh and want to be thin but I feel a compulsion to eat chocolate and drink wine like it’s my treat for getting through the days. I’m going to try approaching things mentally as well as physically when I start again Monday. On holiday right now and whilst I’m not gorging , I am drinking more

The problem with food is that its very difficult to equate it to being fat. If you instantly put on a lb with every serving of pudding you would know if you could eat it or not that day. But you can't see the fat until much later.Once you get to a certain weight then one more sandwich hardly matters. Except it does obviously.

I fourth the Blood Sugar Diet. Shifts weight very quickly and you feel not eating gives you the same high as overeating. It's for your health rather than weight so you evaluate the benefits of the food you eat differently.

Only if you want to stay that way.

I was chubbalubs from tween to twenties, then lost it all and kept it off. I go up and down a bit (usually when stressed), but nothing like I was before.

I do find I have to make it a priority in my life, though. At least in the top three, which is hard for a lot of us.

Also I hate the bad person becomes good person narrative of losing weight. I'm a good person either way thanks. Remembering that is hard but also essential to actually getting healthy - because if you're able bad person why fucking bother, right?

gastric surgery is the only thing weigh any evidence behind it. If you are morbidly obese and do get to normal BMI (about 1/700 chance) then 95% of the time you will put all the weight on and then some more. See your GP.
It is ridiculous that eat less move more is still touted as a long term solution for obesity. You have a higher chance of recovering/ surviving the majority of cancers (for 5 years) than you do of maintaining weight loss.
Harsh but true. Sorry

if you get obese it is usually due to eating too much, which is often due to mental health issues, poor attitudes, bad parents etc. Diets will always fail because they have an end. and the diet industry needs to make money. A scam diet written by someone qualified in pouting and applying makeup is definitely going to fail.

being fat is bad but a fat person is not a bad person. big difference.

*with
Ironic autocorrect

Also I hate the bad person becomes good person narrative of losing weight. I'm a good person either way thanks.

So true. Thanks for the reminder.

“Just stop eating” - what a stupid suggestion! It’s like saying “just stop breathing”. You can do it for a while but after a short time you’ll be gasping for air. Same with serious food restriction.

Similarly, “you can eat anything you want as you avoid...” (insert major food group here) - incredibly difficult for most people to sustain.

Let’s face the truth - most fat people will not keep weight off permanently without either superhuman willpower or resorting to drastic methods such as surgery. And stop blaming fat people for this. What you can do: eat as well as possible (as unprocessed as you can) and be active. It won’t necessarily lead to major weight loss but at least you can keep further gain at bay and improve health.

Slim people can help by not telling us how simple it is or how unhealthy we are or what awful people we are for costing the NHS so much. Really.

Eat less, move more.

It’s not easy, but it is simple. Knowing you need to create a calorie deficit each day through eating less and/or moving more was quite refreshing for me when I decided to lose weight as it stripped away a lot of the mystery and guesswork. It was a wake up call and empowering to realise it was in my hands and my hands alone.

But until I was ready and valued getting back to a health weight over eating whatever and whenever I liked, I didn’t do it.

One day it clicked (when I was getting ready in the mirror and noticed I was swollen under my chin, I prodded and poked as I thought it might have been swollen glands, then quickly realised in horror it was just a very small but definitely there double chin 😳). I was at BMI 25 so one more pound and I’d have been overweight for the first time in my life. Shocked me to the core and I started MyFitnessPal the next day.

It’s only been five or six weeks but I’m a stone down with a stone to go.

I know it’s different to having lots more to lose in many ways but I found r/loseit really great support. I sort of wanted to get a handle on my increasing weight for months but until the lightbulb moment I just didn’t do it.

Walking Well done. Report back in a year, would you?

I am 4 weeks into the BSD. I am recommending it. But until I reach my target weight (between 11-25lbs loss needed) and have maintained it for a year, I can know all I like.

I still need to internalise this new WOE and do it forever.

That's the hard part.

The only way I've been able to do it fairly easily is low carbing as removing the sugar from my diet stops me craving food. It takes a few days but then I'm on a roll. I also try to exercise as much as I can as I feel much better and more motivated when I do.

Sure Tansie! I’ve literally set a reminder on my phone with the URL of this link to come back and do an update :) you’re right, the loss is only one part. Keeping it off is a different thing.

I was just thinking yesterday how I can see how people just give up, I’ve been stalled on the same weight for a week despite 1200 calories per day intake. Plateaus are normal I know, but I can see why people hit one and think ‘all of that restriction for nothing, sod it’. I think luckily for my part I have adjusted and see 1200 as plenty now so I don’t feel deprived or like I’m restricting, and I’m happy to keep going and trust the process (I think the first stone flew off as I had it to lose but now I’m just trying to get from a middling healthy BMI to a lower one it’s not gonna be as speedy).

Hence my earlier statement, losing weight is simple but it’s not easy. Just gotta stick with it.

Hope to see your update here in a year too? :)

Nasty post tansie . Walking there is no reason that you won't keep it off. Look up the crabs in a bucket theory to understand why some people want to tell you otherwise.

Oh I didn’t take it as nasty. If it was intended that way she’s missed the mark and ought to make it much more clear 😂

Someone suggested gastric surgery and for that I must sound a note of caution. It isn't a quick fix and certainly isn't without a very real risk of complications. I had gastric surgery but was told because I wasn't overweight it was treated as routine, mine was done for other reasons. Within hours I was fighting for my life and have needed three major life saving operations in just over a year, including twice being on life support in icu for weeks. I went looking for others in the same situation and so many that had weight loss surgery deeply regret it, even without complications.