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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Giving the neighbour the 'nice' side of the fence

150 replies

CauliflowerBalti · 07/06/2018 12:06

I was unaware of this particular piece of crackers British social etiquette - I have just spent £2500 on fence panels for my boundary with my neighbour. The concrete posts are being installed today, and my neighbour just shouted across that she's done some research and I do know that I'm supposed to give them the 'nice' side, right?

No. No I did not know this. And it sounded like cheeky fuckery of the highest order, but it's a fucking THING. Our ridiculously courteous country really does expect people to not only fork out, but give the neighbours the best fecking view! It's replacing an old decrepit falling down wire fence. It's a SIGNIFICANT upgrade. And a heinously expensive one.

AIBU to think that some of our customs are truly baffling? And also that, while it may be a thing, it is not the kind of thing that would ask for in advance? Like, it's polite to let other people go through a door before you, but only a wanker would make a point of asking?

And no, I won't get the benefit of my neighbour on the other side extending the same bonkers courtesy to me. He can't afford a fence, nice side or otherwise. I have a falling down wall that side, unless I can find another £2500 to do his too.

HONESTLY.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

BendydickCuminsnatch · 07/06/2018 14:41

Our fence goes panel, post, panel, post, rather than post behind panel. So both sides look the same. 🙃

UghAgh · 07/06/2018 14:43

You are doing to much ‘agnsting’ and not enough ‘doing’

There is absolutely no legal requirement for your neighbour to have the nice side so you can do whatever you want. Personally I would keep the nice side. If she questions it tell her that she is welcome to put her own fence up on her own land and have it however she wants.

I would also remind her that she can’t fix anything to your fence.

QueenOfMyWorld · 07/06/2018 14:46

Just realised we've got the shit side at both sides.Pissed off now lol

Bearhunter09 · 07/06/2018 14:47

But surely that should be a thing as otherwise you could force your neighbours to look at any shit backing to your fence. Courtesy to neighbours over such things is right. If you don’t like it you should have erected a fence that looks the same both sides. I suggest you research next time

mogonfoxnight · 07/06/2018 14:55

OP it does sound like you are in a difficult position, but with the lawn and the shade you aren't being unreasonable!

UghAgh · 07/06/2018 14:57

Bearhunter09. You are wrong. Courtesy is not a right. It’s nice but unless there is a legal requirement to do something then it’s not a right’. The OP could put up a purple fence with yellow spots if she wanted.

(Unless there was specific planning laws or restrictions under local covenants etc).

sparkling123 · 07/06/2018 15:01

OP Does that bit you quoted mean if you've got the fences where its wooden posts and the fences are on one side of it, meaning you have the posts on your side? I can't see how it would apply with concrete posts, as you said the panels slide in. But I think she might mean she wants the panels the way up so she can paint her side without it dripping through to yours. My old neighbour complained to me about previous owner putting fences wrong way up so he has to be more careful when he paints. Some people are odd though. A fence is a fence, she should just be grateful you maintain your property!

WellTidy · 07/06/2018 15:04

We have the shit side of the fence on bothsides of our garden too. We are the middle one of three identical houses. I assume that the houses each side of us are responsible for one fence and we are responsible for two, as our house is in the middle. 'Tis crap. Especially as, despite being incredibly keen gardeners, our neighbours to the left have abolutely out of control ivy (think trunks, not branches) which is so heavy and intrusive it will damage our fence over time and we will be the ones who have to replace it. They are in their 70s and clearly not as spritely as they were when it comes maintenance jobs, but their garden is beautiful. We have no heavy climbers on our side of the fence. Just nice jasmine, ceanothus, clematis and a rose. We want to paint it (it being our fence) but neighbours wont have it, in case the paint seeps through (which I cannot guarantee).

MissT2095 · 07/06/2018 15:08

I've always known the 'rule' of giving the neighbours the best side, but for the simple fact your neighbours so bloody cheeky I would keep the nice side for yourself!!!

MountainHedgehog · 07/06/2018 15:10

FFS people, there is no law. OP people aren’t reading your posts about the fence panels being slot in. Nice side goes to you and they are told they need permission to paint or attach anything to it. As long as within local council developers I’d put a fence up too! Do not gravel your garden for them.

metalmum15 · 07/06/2018 15:10

Welltidy if it's your fence and belonging to you, then just paint it! This thread is amazing me with how many people are being held to ransom because their neighbours 'don't like something'.

daffodildelight · 07/06/2018 15:10

It's just the nice thing to do. What's wrong with putting others first? The world would be a much nicer place.

Pikehau · 07/06/2018 15:14

You don’t need to do that at all. In order to do that we would have needed to pay the gardener to cut a significant part of the neighbours garden.....so he could access it. The nice aside is on our side and our neighbours garden remains untouched.....

It was however not without huge debate and assurance on our part that we knew the boundary was ours!

WellTidy · 07/06/2018 15:14

metal I know I could just go ahead and paint it. But our neighbours are so good in so many ways - very quiet, maintain their property so well, don't ever complain about noise from us despite us having two noisy children who enjoy the garden very much. I feel that I don't want to offend them as they are such ideal neighbours, and I also read so many threads about inconsiderate and intolerant neighbours when it comes to noise, music etc.

But I would bloody love a sage green fence.

HelenUrth · 07/06/2018 15:36

Our horrible neighbours have a super-bright light on their extension which used to shine into our house, so bright you could read a newspaper in the middle of the night.
Not any more. We put up a fence, which has one very ugly side, to block the light. We have the "nice" side. I was tempted to write "Fuck you" on the side facing them but reckon the ugliness said it for me! They've never said a dickie bird to us since.

MrsRhubarb · 07/06/2018 15:58

Your new fence sounds like ours with concrete posts that the wooden panels slide into. With this style there is no "right" side. Ours looks the same on our neighbours side as it does on our side. We also only paint our side, so it matches the colours used in our garden, and they do whatever they like with their side. The only time any panels have been taken out was when a couple needed replacing after a stormy winter.

Roussette · 07/06/2018 16:10

It's just the nice thing to do. What's wrong with putting others first? The world would be a much nicer place

But what if, like me, my neighbour down one side, and the other at the end of the garden, had their boundary fence with them having the nice side, not me? My NDNs didn't do it for me and I paid £3,500 for our replacement fence down the one remaining side (very long garden!), I'm buggered if I'm not going to have just one expanse of nice fence and I have to say it does look really really nice.

Usernom1234567890 · 07/06/2018 18:29

Photo 1 nice side
Photo 2 ‘crap’ side.
2 sides of my garden but I like them both.
I Paid for the nice side and posts & fence panels are all on my side. Ndn paid for ‘crap’ side.
As others say, you can’t paint NDN fence and I would be deeply unhappy about other neighbours attaching anything to my fence, as they’re the slot in easily maintainable type panels.

Giving the neighbour the 'nice' side of the fence

Cantspell2 · 07/06/2018 18:39

I have the same style fence but with concrete posts but the posts are on my side not my neighbors.

Murane · 07/06/2018 18:40

We had 2 good sides (owned by NDN) and 1 ugly side (owned by us). So we bought fence planks and stuck them on the ugly fence. So now that fence has two lots of planks covering both sides and therefore both sides are good!

Angrybird345 · 07/06/2018 18:40

You paid - you get nice side. Decades ago you didn’t but a change in law says sensibly you pay, you choose what side you get.

blackteasplease · 07/06/2018 18:42

I did think this was the rule, yes.

Collaborate · 07/06/2018 19:04

You can get the fence panels put in any way you like. the ancient custom you referred to is just that - it's not a rule. It also is intended to be a rough guide for different kind of fences to yours.

Will be worth while perhaps you reminding them that because it's your fence they are not allowed to do anything with it, such as paint it, or attach anything to it (or even lean anything against it).

Candlelight123 · 07/06/2018 19:14

Put your fence panels in which ever way you want. But before you do paint 'keep your hands off my berries you CF' on her side in neon paint

Usernameunknown2 · 07/06/2018 21:30

Your fence your choice. I would go for nice and inwards too if i paid for them and had a pain in the arse neighbour like that.

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