DD wants to move university for the second time?!?!

[Bonnici]

DD went to Kings in London and disliked it, she dropped out after freshers and reapplied to universities and took a gap year.

Then she got into Cambridge, which we were all delighted as it was what she always wanted. She's just finished her first year there but now has dropped a bombshell.

She's applied for a transfer to UCL and has been accepted. She wants to go into second year there.

What the fuck do we say? I want her to feel supported but she just needs to get on with it. Plus UCL will take a hit for her employability?

The first year is a culture shock, an essay every week, a one on one to discuss it, but you get into the rhythm. As I say, by year 2 I was loving it. In the first few weeks of year 1, one of my coursemates and I sat in her room crying over wine wondering why we didn't take a lower offer from somewhere else as it would be easier. We needed to get the stress out of our system, and realising someone else felt the same helped, and we cracked on. But it was an important moment. Everyone is faking it in year 1. you just need to know you are not alone in that.

Depends on the college frog

I went to public school myself so I have no particular axe to grind.

I’d say let her go to UCL
Her employability won’t take a hit - UCL has an excellent reputation.
If it helps at all, my niece dropped out of Cambridge end of first year and is now at The LSE and about to graduate with a First

Her choice. Tbh I can't imagine anything worse than going to Cambridge. I'd bloody love to go to UCL though.

As long as she can guarantee a place and funding, what's the problem?

Well, it's 100% up to her so our views are irrelevant!

But posts above reminded me how hard I found the first year at Oxford. It is incredibly hard work and having to be an independent learner to that degree is a really hard step.

I imagine tutors are totally used to students finding it really difficult - she'd be unusual if she didn't.

As I said above, she should talk to a tutor, who can advise her as to whether they think she's doing fine and can give her extra support. Also speak to counselling.

...and yes as pp said, no need to mention her week at KCL on any future application

Tatiana - ah, you went to public school. That would explain why you saw Sloanes everywhere. Presumably you tended, as everyone does, to hang out with people from similar backgrounds.

I can assure you hat if you're not from a public school background it's quite easy to not really come across more than the very occasional Sloane.

She's vacillating between philosophy and classics and your worry about her employability is the choice between UCL and Cambridge? You're worrying about the wrong thing.

Bonnici please PM me as I will out myself if I post here but I have quite a lot of experience in your DD’s field. On the face of it, it sounds as though she is making a big mistake but there may well be circumstances which explain it all.

Tatiana - ah, you went to public school. That would explain why you saw Sloanes everywhere. Presumably you tended, as everyone does, to hang out with people from similar backgrounds

Surely your very good education taught you not to make assumptions on the basis of fuck all.

Not a Sloane, went to a London public school. Now can we get back to the matter at hand?

Just thinking about this from an employer's perspective - and I don't do much or in fact any graduate recruitment nowadays - although I do a lot of experienced hires - there's signs of instability here.

I always worry about "short stays" on a CV. One short stay is fine. Anyone can make a mistake. Two short stays ring alarm bells. It indicates a lack of research into where you are going and what you are doing. Or an emotional over-reaction. Both undesirable from an employer's perspective.

My firm is lucky enough to have its pick of tremendously bright graduates. This is one CV I would personally be passing on.

You need to get to the bottom of why classics at UCL (my alma mater) is so much better than classics at Cambridge. The explanation would be better if it were couched in terms of academics rather than social reasons. Social reasons make people sound like butterflies.

Have a proper conversation with your clever DD and don't let her be glib. Let's get to the bottom of what's going on here. .

Umm. I would try and talk to your DD to find out what is at the bottom of this. On the surface it seems like a bit of 'grass is greener' elsewhere ... what is more important to her - course or location - what compromises does she have to make along the way i.e. London v expensive, Cambridge a bit small, maybe insular.

She wouldn't even need to say on a cv that she did her first year in Cambridge unless she wants to. She'll have a degree in Classics from UCL and that's it. No need to mention Kings at all, just say she had a gap year.

As a side note I'm going to have to say this because it's right above & niggling me, but I would have thought being educated at a London public school was the very definition of Sloane. Not that it matters of course.

UCL is an excellent university. She's got the place. Support her to go.

I personally don't recommend lying (if only by omission) on CVs. It is a much better approach to be totally honest. Potential employers want to find the best fit. Someone dishonest would not likely be the best fit and that would show up. Because it just does. Lying your way into a job, and I have no doubt that this is possible, by definition means that you are unsuitable for the job.

She sounds very silly. Unless her Cambridge college is dire, then UCL would be a significant downgrade.

I had to search "Sloane" on urbandictionary.

And I'm not even old. Guess I didn't go to a posh enough university.

Cambridge is incredibly pressured, it feels even more insular than Oxford because it’s smaller, flatter, fewer wide streets.t

If she’s really not enjoying Cambridge, and it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea/glass of Pimms/bottle of stout, and if it’s a question of mental health, then of course she should go to UCL. Or nowhere. Perhaps she should pursue another way of life completely?

And although it might not look good if she wants to go directly into a City style profession, perhaps she doesn’t. Not everyone does. And even those who do can get bored after a bit.

In any case, she is an adult. Her choice, her life.

If she's emotionally reactive she's emotionally reactive - staying at Cambridge won't alter that thesearepearls

That's a good point Orlanda - well in fact it's a couple of good points

But you think it is a question of mental health, as in fact do I, although the OP has not said so.

UCL is harder and tougher than Cambridge in terms of mental health. You are very much alone in Senate House, with your books, doing an arts degree. One tutorial a week plus a couple of lectures and a couple of seminars. Living miles out in pretty grotty digs (DS's prospective place in Cambridge is completely luxurious by comparison) where students can afford to live. And in the OP's DD's case without the benefit of living in halls for the first year and having made friends.

Has your DD broken up with a boyfriend/girlfriend OP? IME that's a frequent reason for wanting to leave university. Just get to the bottom of it

And FWIW I don't agree with the sentiment that she is an adult her choice her life. My DD is 20 and doesn't know which way is up. DS is 18 and can barely tie his shoelaces despite his Cambridge offer. This is one point where they really need their parents. Because they really don't know it all. A nudge here is worth a lot to them in the future.

My DD went to three unis in total before graduating from Bristol last year. For her it was a very character-building odyssey. (Photography at Falmouth, Landscape Architecture at Leeds, 1year taking access to Humanities, Poli Sci 2:1) She was the only one in her course to find a job ( over 100 job applications) but is now an analyst in a London start-up. The process can help them mature into the right decision. If she has thought it through, then I would be supportive.

I think she should go if you can manage it. I don’t think you should tough out your university course m, you should enjoy it. Cambridge etc can open some doors but UCL is very good as well and who knows what she’ll want to do. I’m very grateful to my parents who supported me in choosing either Oxbridge or a less pressured university. For me, Oxbridge was worth it for the small teaching groups and the amazing dons. However it was crazy pressured and it made me iller than I might have been elsewhere (chronic health problems I had when I went up). University should be enjoyed not endured.

I went to uni in London and I loved it. It’s a very different experience from the rest of the uk tbh, much more expensive but so many more events and people to meet. Very exciting, motivating and life changing. If you love London, you’ll love the university experience of London. I met loads of amazing people (friends for life!) and had a practically full time job though - but this was only because I was a bit shit with money and constantly went out and bought new clothes etc rather than budgeted. Also she can use her student loan on rent, it’s not often that you’ll be able to live in London with heavily subsided rent like you can as a student. I had a lot of personal growth each year that went by, the full on nature of London will do that for you

UCL is still a respectable university. Cambridge is top tier yes, but isn’t for everyone. If she isn’t enjoying her time there then it may impact her self esteem and degree performance - it’s a niche university experience.

Pearls, I had to laugh at they don’t know which way is up..very much what I think about DS from time to time. And yes, of course, they need nudging, reasoned argument, support. But ultimately it is their life and I have seen too many disasters not to think their choice too.