To think I'll be classed as the difficult one?

[thedifficultone]

Long story short my dd is starting reception in September.
It wasn’t our first choice of school but we are over that now!
So Monday night we go to the starters meeting.
They gave out the class lists and she’s been put in a class with 2 boys she specifically dislikes, 1 whom she does out of school activities with, and one goes to her current nursery.
Both have hit/pushed her before on more than 1 occasion and she worries about being around them. Ie “Tommy won’t hit me tonight will he?”
She’s not been put in a class with any children she knows.
We were meant to receive an email asking to name friends for when they were forming the classes but they spelt my name wrong on the email so I never received it and didn’t get a chance to put her friends names down.
Would I be “that” parent if I called the school and asked if she could swap classes?
I’ve not heard great things about behaviour management in the new school and my dd is THE youngest in the year and very small and quiet so may well be easy to miss, and she doesn’t stand up for herself.
I’m just worried about her spending every day with these 2 children.
I know that there will always be children that she won’t get along with, but she’s timid and I feel bad for her starting on a bad footing.
I hope IABU and I can trust the teachers to deal with any situations that arise!
Put my mind at rest please!

Wouldn't hurt to go and speak to them, raise your concerns and say she's had problems with certain children, if they cannot move her then they need to be kept separate.

I don't think you're being difficult to worry about this, but instead of raising it I'd be far more inclined to work on reassuring your daughter about all the nice children who will be in her class and how school is a different environment to nursery so everything will be different there. Chances are that even when they say they'd try to put kids with friends that they have been allocated in a different way, prob by birthday. If your DD really is one of the youngest, she's prob better off with children 6 months older than her than those almost a year older. If she starts and it's a problem then reconsider, but I don't think it'll be the issue you think and it's important to be ultra positive around DD re starting school as much as possible.

I’m just worried about being branded an annoying parent 3 months before they even start school.
I just worry that these 2 boys are also very loud and disruptive and will prevent her from learning as they do at nursery and out of school activities. Every day she comes back upset over something they’ve done. And it’s just these 2 names constantly out of 50 kids.
The teachers spend so long telling them off that the other children suffer as they aren’t paying them any attention.
I know this is the same in every class, but that coupled with them hurting her frequently makes me think this class won’t be a good fit for her.
I also feel that I am being a bit PFB and it would be good for her to learn to stand up for herself and deal with conflict.

I would ring x

I would phrase it that she's quite timid and you missed the chance to tell them who her friends are rather than talk about avoiding other specific children.

Given that it was there error that means she isn’t with others you would have asked for in that email then it can’t do any harm to ask. It may be that a child in the other class wants to move to your child’s current class so that would be good nothing ventured nothing gained!!

I don’t think it’s done by birthdays as 2 of her antenatal friends are in the other class. I say friends, but they were friends when they were babies and haven’t seen each other for years. She doesn’t really have any friends in either class which I’m not bothered about.
I’d just rather her in a class where she doesn’t get hurt.

I would speak to them. They might class you as difficult but it doesn't matter if it means your dd has a good first year of school.

And they'd be right! We all have to learn to get along with people we don't like and cant always have everything we want...including you and your children

Are you sure there won't be similar disruptive kids in the other class she won't like? I say this only because my 2 kids (oldest is 11) have always had 1 or 2 of such kids every year in their class that hit, disrupt etc. Its near impossible to get a class without at least 1.

I wouldn't mention the boys but I would say that because they got your email wrong you weren't given the opportunity to name her friends and now she's in a class with no one she knows, and could they look at moving her for that reason.

How many other classes are there?

Just call. There’s no harm in it. If they can make a switch it would be better to have it done this side of starting. If not at least you tried, your concerns are logged and you can work on the resilience skills you spoke about anyway.

I don’t think they’ll class you as difficult. I think they’d much rather be pre-warned of potential issues before they happen.

Reception is a difficult year as it is, with trying to get the children settled in and working together.

"Would I be “that” parent if I called the school and asked if she could swap classes?"

You'd be one of those parents and we would say no as saying yes sets a problematic precedent.

I didn’t take this opportunity when my DS was transitioning to secondary. In my naivety I assumed children would change/grow up/mature. 5 long years later I’m delighted that my DS will no longer be at school with the child who’s behaviour in class, and out of it, has made learning a daily challenge. Given the opportunity again I’d fill that form in in a heartbeat.

Do it! Phrase it as the school made an admin error, and you want to see if your DD can be with her friends. Better not to mention the issue with the boys.

So most people are saying call up, bar the people that work in schools!
It’s so hard to know what to do.
I don’t KNOW if there are disruptive children in the other class. I suspect so, as there is in most classes.
It just won’t be the 2 disruptive children that have previously hurt her.

And the thing is that she doesn’t really have friends in the other class. There’s a couple of children who’s parents I know but she wouldn’t know the children personally. So I’d be lying if I said she had friends in the order class.

If they move your DD then given the limits on class sizes presumably they would have to take someone out of that class to 'swap' with your DD. As they've already announced the classes that could cause a problem unless there's a parent in the other class facing a similar dilemma to you?

You still take her to the out of school activity when the 'disruptive boy' goes?

Well, in that case, I'd think that you have scuppered you own argument...

"So most people are saying call up, bar the people that work in schools!"

Maybe, but as a head, I'm saying call up. Just don't expect change. Your concerns should be noted though and that's important. They'll keep an eye out for specific issues.

*your own

I would adopt a wait and see policy. Presumably she will come across these children at playtime, or if the reception classes join together. DS's friend from nursery went to his small primary school. He changed from being a really nice lad to a horrid bully within the first term. I am equally sure that a good reception teacher can improve the behaviour of the class and introduce higher expectations of the children.You don't want to be branded as ' that parent' and there may well be good academic reasons why they have all been put in the same class and the school may be totally resistant to changing the classes at this stage.

I would first stop and think about what being in a class with these children actually means. In my experience teaching this age all it means is that's the carpet they go to first thing in the morning. During the day they will choose (free-play) in the whole class environment, so she can spend time with children from both classes. When learning phonics and maths this will often be in smaller groups not as a whole class. The chances are if she is to have problems with these 2 boys then that would happen no matter which class she was in.

Just do it, they can always say no. I would be totally honest about the whole situation so they know that there are potential issues.