To think I'll be classed as the difficult one?

[thedifficultone]

Long story short my dd is starting reception in September.
It wasn’t our first choice of school but we are over that now!
So Monday night we go to the starters meeting.
They gave out the class lists and she’s been put in a class with 2 boys she specifically dislikes, 1 whom she does out of school activities with, and one goes to her current nursery.
Both have hit/pushed her before on more than 1 occasion and she worries about being around them. Ie “Tommy won’t hit me tonight will he?”
She’s not been put in a class with any children she knows.
We were meant to receive an email asking to name friends for when they were forming the classes but they spelt my name wrong on the email so I never received it and didn’t get a chance to put her friends names down.
Would I be “that” parent if I called the school and asked if she could swap classes?
I’ve not heard great things about behaviour management in the new school and my dd is THE youngest in the year and very small and quiet so may well be easy to miss, and she doesn’t stand up for herself.
I’m just worried about her spending every day with these 2 children.
I know that there will always be children that she won’t get along with, but she’s timid and I feel bad for her starting on a bad footing.
I hope IABU and I can trust the teachers to deal with any situations that arise!
Put my mind at rest please!

Perhaps she ended up in this class because SHE was listed as being a friend of these two boys by their parents? It’s entirely feasible that she’s coming back with so many stories about them because they see her as a friend (even if not a particularly willing one). Have you tried speaking to the Mums of these boys?

Yes, she loves the out of school activity and it’s the only one in the area.
Plus after the warm up and cool down they are split into 3 groups so she’s only with this child 1/3 of the time.
It’s the 5 minutes during warm to and cool down that he’s unkind, or if there’s not constant instruction and they’ve got a couple of minutes to mess about.
Nursery know about the incidents with the other child which they are managing.
Ok I’ll call up and just express my concerns. I doubt very much they’ll move her, as you said it will set a precedent and parents will notice as we all have a list for the entire 2 classes.

I would speak up, particularly as it was their mistake that led to you not being asked who your DD would like to be in a class with. However, you should steel yourself for them saying that it's not possible to make changes now that the lists are finalised. Also, even if they do move her this year you may find that next year she's in a class with one of these DC as classes are regularly changed around. But if these DC have picked on your DD before then her teacher needs that info at the start of the year. You can be proactive without being annoying. Teachers generally welcome information that helps them to keep the DC in their care safe and happy. If you can't get her moved then have a quiet word, or send a quick email to her new teacher.

I wouldn't worry too much about her not being with any friends in her class. Mine all made lots of new friends on their first day in reception and within a week or two didn't really play with anyone that they had previously known from nursery. The teachers will do lots of games and activities with them all to help them get to know each other.

I wouldn't ask for her to move classes but I would let the school know about the behaviour of the boys towards your DD so that they can keep an eye out for any problems. Unfortunately there are often disruptive children in every class so there may be kids in the other class who behave in a similar way even if you did get her moved.

If you're THAT concerned, you wouldn't be worried of how you'll look/seem/be labelled.

Leave it alone.

Kids need to learn to handle conflict and difficult emotions. Don’t be over-protective. This a healthy challenge for her.

Agree with previous poster. Chances are there will be at least 1 other ‘character’ in the other class too. The teacher’s behaviour management skills will play a big part in how settled the class / individuals are so might be worth taking a wider view in this situation before think about asking for a move.

I would phone (teacher) I wouldn’t expect her to be moved (class sizes/precedent etc... all good points raised above). But forewarned is forearmed and the teacher is much more likely to keep her on seperate tables etc.. etc... and be alert to any potential issues.

I work in a school. I would ring - not to talk about disruption etc - but mention that she has had out of school difficulties (including physical) with two children in the class. Teacher won't mind being forewarned, can keep an eye, small group work with different children etc. HOWEVER is v unlikely that she even could be swapped into other class due to numbers, so prob best not to expect this.

Ring! You don’t pick someone’s opinion of you over your child’s wellbeing and comfort. Just tell them they made a mistake with the email.

Like PP I'd raise it with the school, not because they are likely to move her but so that they are aware. But also as PP have said, there will be PITA children in the other class too, you just haven't met them yet.

I think another problem is that there are 2 supply teachers currently covering her class.
The school are recruiting 1 or 2 new teachers to start in Sept as the 2 job share teachers are both on mat leave. Plus the TA is leaving, so I don’t really know who I’d talk to. The head teacher maybe?

Don't mention the boys.

Say you never got the letter due to THEIR administrative error.

You would like the same chance as everyone else to state preferences, so would it be possible for her to be moved into x class which includes at least 3 children she knows. As she's youngest in the year you think that this will really help ewith settling and confidence - blah.

If they say no, be ever so nice and say something like, oh right, I see that your hands are probably tied now that numbers are done, would it be helpful for you if I raise it with the Head/LEA, pointing out that we weren't sent the communications etc.? - would that give you more leverage to argue that DD should be treated equally?

Basically code for - if you fob me off I will kick up a stink, but dressed up as 'would it be helpful to you if I take it higher...?'

Works a lot of the time.

I'd mention it to the class teacher on the first day of school.

They made the error, they should fix it.

I'd speak to the school and let them know your concerns, then let them decide how to handle it. Id also bear in mind that these little boys are very young, and may change a lot over the next few years. The "naughty boy" at ds'preschool- the one that hit him several times and once flooded the toilets- was perfectly lovely by age 6.

Why do you send her to be upset every day at the moment?
If you're prepared to expose her to these boys now what's the difference in the future?

would it be possible for her to be moved into x class which includes at least 3 children she knows.

But she doesn't know anyone in the other class either. I honestly would just wait and see what happens you don't even know if there is a problem yet so it seems daft to try and resolve it when there is no actual issue. Like I said previously the chances are she will hardly spend any time actually on the carpet with these children, she will be learning through play so if she doesn't want to play with them she can find someone else to play with.

Sounds like theres a lot of factors making this a nervous time for you, your daughters age, these boys, uncertainty over teachers. If I was you I'd wait till school starts and see how she's coping and have a little word with the teacher then if the boys continue to be a pain. You never know, the boys might change or might not see your daughter as a target. Maybe they will try to out macho each other instead!

I send her because she’s only got 7 weeks left.
She was at that nursery first and I kind of feel like why should I move her.
Plus as they do different days they only do 3 afternoons per week together out of the 5 full days. They see each other on the cross over lunch period but only for 30 mins.
I feel like 3 sessions out of 10 isn’t as bad as being together 5 full days. Although she still moans he’s hurt her during the lunch cross over but it’s only 30 mins a day.
I’m reassured that a Pp said they will spend a lot of times doing free play and split into smaller groups.

Where is this nursery that allows 2 children to pick on another every day?

Well I’m sure the nursery don’t allow it. They’re fantastic. It’s just constant moaning from her. And due to data protection they can’t really discuss it with me.
It’s just things like “tommy ripped my picture up” or “tommy threw my lunch box in the playground” and “tommy shut me in the playhouse and kicked me when I got out”
And when I ask what happened they mention that they can’t confirm names, but yes my dd has a mark on her leg where she was kicked etc, please sign an accident form.

As unpopular as it is on MN, if I think something is going to negatively affect my child to the point where they are going to be physically hurt and I could do something about it, I have NO problem being "that parent." Yes we all have to learn to get along with people we don't like, and that don't like us. We've had an issue in DD's class and despite DH's initial response that we need to tell her just to stay away from the individual, I said no, there'll always be people like that and we need to help her to manage it. You can be damn sure that when that didn't work, I went to the teacher and now they're managing it.

Yes, our kids need to learn, but if she's the youngest in the year, she'll be just four starting, and she needs your support.

Ring and ask to speak to the head of Reception or the headteacher.

I would mention the boys by name, and make sure that is passed on to the new class teacher/TAs. So they know what to look out for in the first few weeks, when everything could be chaotic.
And do not be afraid of being that parent. I have known that parent and her children seemed to do very well. And she did a lot more than just point out a personality clash.

I'm also concerned that Nursery haven't done anything - have you actually raised it with them?

I wouldn't call to be honest. She won't have formed any amazing friendships by the time school starts, she will make new friends. yeah, she might be with two boys she's not keen on, but she can't like everyone.

To ease your mind my DS was the youngest in the school so started reception a week or so after his 4th birthday. He didnt know any one else in the class but despite my fears he was absolutely fine. Our kids are more resillient than we give them credit for, and your DD will be just fine no matter what class she is put in.