Smacking children, when we were young

[Flatpackjackie]

Wasn't it normal to smack children until recent years?

As a child I was smacked every day. On the bottom, legs and head (on occasion the face).

I think it's absolutely right that it's no longer acceptable, but weren't we all smacked back then, by both parents?

I'm in my 30s. Was never smacked and was actively taught that hitting was wrong. Most of my friends were the same. One girl was smacked at home as punishment for something we all did at school (mass refusing to come in on a snowy playtime) and we were all

My dad in his 60s was never smacked either which is more unusual. Mum was, occasionally.

I'm 36 and was smacked from time to time. I didn't think anything of it - the next door neighbours smacked their kids as well. Although, they were extremely religious and a bit odd.

My parents were generally good parents and very loving. I hope I never smack my DD though. I don't think it's the best way of disciplining a child.

Smacking was definitely normal when I was a kid. However, my parents were hippie types and never once smacked me as they didn't believe in it. My friends that were smacked grew up fine, I wasn't and I grew up fine too. I do have a lot of respect for my parents for choosing not to smack when it was completely normal and I argue with the anti-pc brigade who think that they should bring smacking back because it isn't necessary.

SweetCheeks1980 Wed 06-Jun-18 10:23:27
"The trouble is @Cory is that an awful lot if children can't behave at weddings any more. Their parents let them do as they please and don't smack them or tell them off - then moan when other adults tell them off."

The whole point of my anecdote is that it took place in a culture where smacking has been frowned upon for generations and is now actually illegal. In other words, whatever means those parents use to get their children to behave on formal occasions they do not involve smacking.

On the other hand, one that I watched with tedious regularity when my own dc were young was the scenario where family gets on the bus, not speaking to the child at all and sit at opposite ends of the bus. Child starts monkeying about, parent shouts at child to stop it, child continues, parent shouts that you'll get a smack if you don't stop, child continues, parent marches up and smacks child then goes back to their own seat, child howls- and 5 minutes later child starts monkeying about again. Totally ineffectual- basically all the smacking did was that the parents never had to make the mental effort of thinking out how you get a child to behave in public.

I'm 48 now, and I was smacked A LOT, and by both parents. My DSis and DB were too. (Worse things happened too, but that's not relevant here.) I was aware that other children's parents got far less angry, and DSis and I used to talk about running away sometimes.

My F used to smack us extremely hard. My DM has long since acknowledged that he smacked us too hard, but she put it down to men not knowing their own strength. The last time I remember being smacked was when I was 13, and I've worked out that I was actually pregnant at the time. (It wasn't discovered until I went into labour.)

The worst incident of corporal punishment in our home was when my DM caned my DB. She says that she was haunted by this for years, but I was truly shocked when she told me the reason. I'd assumed it was for some major act of rebellion, but in fact it was because he couldn't do his Maths homework.

It's only in recent years that the scales have come off my eyes and I can see how abusive my parents were.

And yes, I do remember being smacked by teachers in primary school. In year 2, the teacher was a real dragon and smacked us a lot. There was also a cane for the most heinous behaviour, but that hardly ever happened, and only the headteacher could use it.

I don't smack my DDs. They're adopted with attachment issues and when you adopt you have to agree not to smack the child you're adopting. I'm the one suffering violence at the hands of DD1 (now 9), as is DD2 (6). She has a lot of needs, which we're finally getting help for.

I was smacked regularly as a child and a teenager. The last time was when I was 16 when I was smacked around the head and face with a slipper. To this day I feel sick if I hear the sound of a belt being pulled from its belt loops. The physical abuse coupled with the emotional abuse have left me with enduring difficulties - thank goodness things are different today.

I'm 47. We were smacked regularly. Hit with a wooden spoon. Hit across the face and the legs.

In my primary, t he head had a cane, and used it. Small children were regularly given the slipper (hit across the back of their little legs with a PE pump).

My children can't believe it when I tell them how brutal it was.

I'm 58, my parents didn't hit me and I didn't hit my children. I find the idea of hitting anyone, let alone somebody small and vulnerable, quite repugnant.

I've worked with children with severe behavioural problems - never felt the urge to hit any of them either.

You are right it was much more common back in the day, but not all parents hit their children even then.

I'm in my early 30s and smacking/slapping/whacking was normal in my house. I thought it was normal in everyone's until very recently. My mother regularly used to hit me across the back of the head. Many times when I hadn't even been 'naughty' but maybe just clumsy or silly. She would call me stupid or clumsy at the same time in a very poisonous way.
My Dad was heavy handed with me too. He threw me across the living room once for something I didn't even do. He would also drag us out of the way if he came in to watch tv and we were sat in front of it. It's only been since this time last year when I was pregnant with DS I realised it wasn't normal.
The last time my Dad hit me was when I was about 15. I hit him back and it never happened again.

We used to get a smack on the bum if we'd need. Really naughty and ignored all warnings. We were quite good so it was rare.

I thought it was fairly normal. I have no issue with it and we rarely re offended. My parents were great.

I also agree that the abuse I received still affects me negatively. To this day, I still sometimes hit myself over the head if I am clumsy or if I break something accidentally. I will even tell myself I am stupid etc etc and get really worked up about it! Sometimes I think my parents should pay for therapy! Ha.

I'm 46 and only really remember one smack on the bottom from my mother.
I'm sure there will have been more but not a lot.

I'm mid 20s and was smacked. Still seemed a norm around then?

Wooden spoon - often

80's

I'm in my mid 20's and I was regularly smacked as a child by my parents as were most of my friends by theirs, it was seen as pretty normal back then. I don't agree with it as a form of discipline though

I was hit, predominantly by my fathers second wife. My close friends were not hit at all. I'm 49. I don't think it was normal for all. But it was for some. I never hit my child.

We also had the belt at school. I was once belted at school. I was about 15 and it was rhe female PE teacher. To this day I don't understand why. She simply called me out and did it in front of the class. At that stage teachers were not allowed to belt above the wrist. And she belted me all the way up the inside of my forearm to the bend of my elbow. She did it very hard and put her body weight behind it. She gave no reason.

The welt lasted a long time and I still remember my shock and confusion. I was a quiet and shy person due to stuff going on at home.

I also remember the shock on the other kids faces, none of us understood what had just happened. She literally couldn't look at me afterwards.

All the time and usually with the addition of a belt, hairbrush, slipper or whatever was close by. Smacked around the head, punched in the stomach, hands put in hot water. Made to stand in a corner for hours on end, sometimes with no clothes on. Parents still stand by their actions. Never hit my daughter and wouldn’t she is shocked if I shout. I’m early 40s. Wasn’t aware of friends home lives.

I'm 36. Was smacked if I played up. No issues with it.

Yep i was smacked as a kid and hate them for it. Specially by my dad pinning me down on the bed and slapping me all because i forgot something

Forgot to add age...im 40

In my early 40s and was smacked by infant school head mistress and parents. My dad stopped smacking around the age of 8 there as my mother got increasingly violent. She was caught hitting me about aged 13 with a wooden spoon that left marks by a cousin in his 20s who saw what caused her to lose her temper. (I actually can't remember what it was for.) As he decided it wasn't rude or out of order he reported her to older members of the extended family and as a result a couple of family friends intervened. She was lucky as a couple of months later two of my school friends from different ethnic backgrounds where hit with a belt and stick by their parents, and due to the marks ended in care for a few months. Their parents only agreed to stop hitting them after a talking to by my head of year who wasn't white and grew up abroad, there as they refused to listen when my form tutor and social workers who told them the same thing.

Incidentally if I had told my parents my infant school head mistress had smacked me they would have hit the roof due to her other behaviour, which they later reported. I only found out in secondary school that she was deliberately targeting me and a few other children due to our parents not being together.

While she was alive my mother was never left alone with my nephews and nieces due to her other behaviour, so she couldn't discipline them by smacking or hitting them.

Oh I can and have disciplined 16 year old boys over 6ft to the shock of passersby by simply telling them off in the street. Apparently the nephew who knew them told them I don't accept crap.

Anyway if you discipline young children by just smacking them when they are bigger than you they can simply push you off, and either won't understand why their behaviour is unacceptable or don't care as they don't have respect for anything.

I used to get the choice, belt or slipper, and if you don’t choose you get the buckle end.
Lots of smacked legs and bums otherwise too. Otherwise he was a pretty good dad and loved us. Mid thirties now, can’t imagine doing the same to my children.

I did the same with my mum goose, she didn't do it again. I remember very clearly the snacks I got for being naughty from my grandparents and how they compared to the out of control attacks from my mum. My grandparents smacked me regularly on the bum for being cheeky or doing dangerous stuff. If never hurt and now I'm fine with it and I was then. My mum hit me rarely, it when she did she lost control, kicking me really hard on my bum, dragging me up stairs cutting all my hands, that sort of thing. That I remember and I hated her for that at the time. There is a clear difference.

Yep i was smacked as a kid and hate them for it

Yes. It's one of the reasons I'm no contact with my father. Although it was predominantly her, he sat and watched, he knew, and he did his share.

I was accepting of it till I had my daughter and I was horrified when he picked her up in the hospital the day after she was born,. I remember thinking "if he hurts her" and every bone in my body wanting him to put her back in her cot. As a parent I couldn't understand how someone could assault their own child.

Our relationship ended that day.