Smacking children, when we were young

[Flatpackjackie]

Wasn't it normal to smack children until recent years?

As a child I was smacked every day. On the bottom, legs and head (on occasion the face).

I think it's absolutely right that it's no longer acceptable, but weren't we all smacked back then, by both parents?

I'm in my late 30s and I was smacked when naughty, by hand but more often with a balloon cane, sometimes controlled and sometimes in anger. It wasn't too often but the memories are very vivid. It's weird that I didn't think about it for years, but now that I have my first born I've been thinking about the pain of it lots and can't forgive my parents. I'll never smack my kids - apart from the fact that it's cruel and unnecessary, you don't know the real impact our trauma it will do, no matter how mild it may appear to you, and they might end up hating you years later. I would never want my lo to fear or hate me the way I do with my parents.

OP I'm 32 and we got smacked quite a lot. mostly on the thigh/bottom, but with the occasional clip round the ear too.

We used to have to fetch the wooden spoon with which our mum would smack us. (I think the wooden spoon bit is an irish thing)

In the 80s and 90s I think there were many families who would never have smacked their children so no it wasn't "normal in every house" but on the flip side it was very much not abnormal either

Dh has no memories of being smacked and he grew up in the 60s.

I didn't get smacked but that was in a different culture where smacking really was frowned on even in the 60s so doesn't count.

We didn't smack our children in the 90s and early 00s either.

I used to get a wallop across the back of my legs, or a clip across the ear and that's it. Never got hit on my face, head etc. cos that's too violent! I am not sure why it isn't accepted now. If you was a little shit, you'd know about it and you know not to do it again! Children were disciplined "back in the day" and turned out alright! Now look at them... they don't get disciplined and that's why they run riot!

I am 45 and was smacked as a child. Usually with my Dad's slipper as a measured punishment rather than an angry lash out. I distinctly remember the humiliation of it and how angry it made me feel inside. I wasn't a particularly naughty child but I was I'm told something of a liar. I also received the ruler in Infants school alongside half of dozen of my classmates across my hand for passing notes in class. Ironically my parents complained! I chose not to smack my own children.In my opinion it's pretty barbaric and I prefer to teach by example!

I'm in my 50s and think I was smacked on the bottom perhaps once or twice as a child when I'd done something particularly naughty. I don't think it particularly affected me. But I remember a school friend whose father used to hit her and her brother with a belt on her bare buttocks and top of thighs - horrifying - but at the time I just thought 'thank god I'm not her' . Nobody thought of reporting anything in those days and Childline didn't exist.

I've only smacked my own children once - when DS was young and let go of my hand, ran into the road and was narrowly missed by a car! It was a combination of shock, panic, relief, loss of control, anger (at him and myself) that made me smack him, saying 'don't you EVER do that again' and then we all ended up crying. I'm not proud of it, but I can understand why it happened, and he certainly never did it again.

I was shouted at all the time and smacked on times . I am 57. I think it was on the way out even then. I smacked mine on about 2 occasions. It felt really wrong and l vowed to never do it again. I did shout however no one is Perfect .

My cousin is 40, her and her younger brother weren't smacked. My auntie considered it wrong and worked for a long time in child protection. Her Dsis, my mum smacked me as did my DF. Regularly, hard, in private and public. I am 34 and from being very young until I left home. I was kicked up and down stairs, beaten on the floor by my mum, I was terrified of her. I don't like her and will not leave my DD with her.
Her excuse was that I was difficult and naughty and needed controlling. My therapist says due to the effects of my facial birth defect I was anxious going out and generally a frightened little girl. I also probably have ASC. The last time DM hit me was when I was 27 and choosing my wedding cake. I wanted something she didn't like so she slapped me across my face.
Auntie knew about how I was hit and did nothing, DF also hit me but not as much, I blame them as much as DM for not stopping it.
I understand that parenting a child with social difficulties is incredibly hard. (See my other thread about DD.) However, I try never to shout at DD, I would never hit DD. It relieves the parent frustration but causes untold damage to a child.
DH is my age, he was never hit. So I assume that even in the 80's and 90's it was seen as wrong. If DM had hit another adult or another child like she hit me she'd have been up in court.
Funnily enough, like some PP I also have another sibling who was a golden child. DM is a church going, "respected at her church" hypocrite. There are many people who see through her and won't go near her. She sees these people as having a problem. She has no idea.

I know I was smacked as a child but only remember it happening once. I was about 7 and it was for a pretty minor infraction and I remember feeling it was unjustified.

In hindsight, it was at the end of a day, I think it was when my mother had PND and I suspect what I did was the straw that broke the camel's back. That, however doesn't justify it and now, particularly when DD2 pushes me really hard, it's the memory that makes me walk out of the room to catch my breath rather than either do the same or shout at her really really badly.

I was also hit by a teacher when I was five. She lived in our area when I was growing up and even in my late teens I'd cross the street to avoid her. Horrible woman.

I have never, and would never, smack my children. DD2 has been known to hit and our response is always "We don't do that in our house." If I started smacking, I'd have nowhere to go if she mimicked the behaviour!

I'm in my 30s and i was smacked alot.

I'm 38 and was smacked on the legs and bottom, occasionally arms. I thought it was normal and naughty children deserved it. Right up until I had kids if I saw a child misbehaving in public I'd think "that child needs a smack". My mums words in my head.

I've never smacked my own kids. I realise now that I was smacked due to my mother's anger and frustration rather than my naughtiness. No child needs a smack.

I don't judge my mother too harshly though. It was more normal then, she had it hard bringing us up on her own, and she'd have been hit by her own parents with a slipper, so a smack on the bum was better than that! Funny though that my mother has never suggested that my children "need a smack".

No they are not running riot Milky what a depressing sweeping opinion to make of an entire generation (going back to the mid 80's) who have been discouraged from physical punishment. Perhaps if you'd been brought up to value tolerance you would be able to appreciate people younger than yourself.

I was born in the 60s, my parents didn't go in for smacking generally, but when they got in a rage, anything was possible - hitting with sticks, plastic tubes or whatever came to hand; hard slap to the head. One time my dad grabbed hold of me and shook me so hard I thought I was going to die - was at a family gathering, no one stepped in, presumably they all thought it was normal and acceptable.

I am 37 and was smacked. Pointless and nasty

See I'm black and west indian. I got smacked growing up and if I felt my kids needed to be smacked for a reason they would be. So just putting that out there.

However, I was always shocked, growing up, by how violent White English parents were to their kids. I was smacked for a reason always. There is no need to smack a person everyday. There was one time a child and his mother were walking to school ahead of me she had long brown hair and a fur coat (I don't know why but I always remember the fur coat). She kicked him in his back on the way to school. It was before I had to walk my sister to school, so I must have been under 10 (walking by myself to school). Who does that?

Back in the day my parents used to tell stories how they were hit (like really abused) in the 1960s, in the caribbean. I always consider that a legacy of slavery. I never understood why it was so prevalent over here. Now we are so far the other way.

To theworldisfullofgs, I think your dad is wrong in his reasoning. I respect my parents now. The only thing I don't respect my dad for his is alcoholism (which is another story), I don't think had he not smack me the few times that he had that I would respect his drinking ability. But if that line of thinking worked for your dad then fair enough.

I'm 25, my mum smacked me and my siblings from a young age. Smack on the hand when toddlers to teach not to touch things or do things. Smacked bums when we were naughty. She used to beat the crap out my older sister because she couldn't deal with her behaviour (my sister (now 29) has undiagnosed special needs and attended a specialist secondary school). She ended up in foster care. My mum beat the crap out of me once when i was around 16, smacking and kicking me in the ribs ect. She never used to properly cross the line with me and my younger sister very often as our dad was still in our lives. I left home at 22 and not spoken to her since.

I'm in my mid twenties and we were only ever smacked on the bum by my dad if we were very bold (prob a couple of times a year?) It didn't hurt, but upset me enough that the threat stopped me from being so bold. I know a few friends, and my husband's family, got hit on the bum/back of legs with a wooden spoon.
We would never have been hit at school though.

I'm early 30's. We were smacked on rare occasions - certainly not daily or weekly - only when we did something seriously wrong! I had a healthy fear of being naughty so i don't have any bad memories of my childhood.

I have seen friends/childminders smack children on the hands these days when they're bold.

I was smacked as a child and teen. I can't ever remember my dad smacking me. I think my mother did most of the discipline. She'd slap my bottom with a cork flip flop. I remember those fucking things. They had padded straps and a padded bow on them. One of my earliest memories of her is her chasing me with me screaming.

As I got older, it changed from smacking to pulling me about by my hair and hitting me with clenched fists to the tops of my legs and body as I cowered covering my head with my arms. Once or twice she gave me a sharp toe as well if I was on the floor. It's sounds really bad when I write it down but it was normal to me. I thought it was normal for everyone.

I learnt when I was in for a good hiding. I could read the mood she was in. When I got my first phone, I even learnt the tone of her messages.

I had a really close friend who witnessed it first hand but never said a word about it. If she was there she'd brush my hair after it had been pulled and she once put my bed in front of the door to lock us in my room.
Her mum knew too. She was a nurse and I remember going to stay there one weekend and she asked me how I'd got the bruises. I just looked at her and she said "I know."
But she never did anything about it either.

I can see now that she was horribly dysfunctional, in fact I'm nc with her.

I don't hit my children.

If most people answering here were smacked, but don't smack their own children....then logically smacking does not 'only teach children to be violent', no?

I think as PPs have said, smacking happens when the adults get too frustrated. Adults are more and more thinly spread (sometimes of our own making) and given that parenting falls increasingly to individuals on their own (other parent at work/ late shifts/ no family around etc etc) then instilling discipline is getting harder and harder. The ones you hear about are always the extremes - excessively permissive parents and feral kids or excessively harsh parents. Here's hoping that most of us get it roughly right.....

I was smacked but not regularly.

I could be a challenging kid sometimes though and my Dad doesn't like being challenged - even now I'm 28!

I don't like smacking for average 'naughty' behaviour but I did smack when my daughter stuck her fingers in a plug at 3 to shock her and it was just back of the hand.

a clip across the ear and that's it. Never got hit on my face, head etc. cos that's too violent! I've never seen a clip across the eat that wasn't essentially hand hitting ear and then head. Unless your parent was an amazing aim and you were serenely still I doubt it was just a wish of hand past ear.

And kids don't run amok because they aren't smacked, slapped, walloped, slippered. Plenty of people can raise their kids just fine without raising their hand.I duo know lots of kids however who mimic that virulence towards others who they think ate in the wrong

Are not ate

@MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup I agree that standards of discipline have declined a lot in recent years.

But I don’t think it’s to do with lack of smacking/violence.

I think it’s to do with lazy parenting and the reluctance to discipline.

When I see a child do something that’s not ideal, like deliberately chuck a drink at mine, I look to the parents to deal with the situation. Sit them out and then give them a stern telling off. It doesn’t involve hitting.

But often they do nothing. So I feel it’s not the lack of hitting in itself, it’s the lack of consequences and dealing with the behaviour that seems to have changed.