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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it's none or anyone's business how I choose to parent?

97 replies

KarmaKate · 05/06/2018 14:06

Why do people make such unnecessary comments when you're pregnant? At work today and was talking about baby monitors. I said I didn't want one with a camera, at which point my colleague told me I would regret it, rolled his eyes as if to say 'you'll see!' and continued to lecture me on why it is necessary that I have one. It is MY choice to not have one. If I decide I need one I will buy one next day delivery and it will be at my house within 24 hours. AIBU to be irritated by this and by the fact that I've got another 20 weeks or unnecessary and unsolicited advice?

OP posts:

FlibbertyGiblets · 05/06/2018 14:10

Best stop yapping baby at work. Problem solved. That'll be 50 quid please.

NEXT.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 05/06/2018 14:11

Talking about the incoming baby at work is basically you starting a conversation about it. Unless you wanted to just delivery a speech.

Stop talking about the baby at work and people will stop offering advice.

ThisCannotBe · 05/06/2018 14:12

He's right though...

Excited101 · 05/06/2018 14:13

Sometimes people are just trying to help based on what they’ve experienced. I would never have chosen one with a camera, I thought they were ridiculous. Now having used them I think they’re amazing!

LapinR0se · 05/06/2018 14:13

He’s right

BubblesBuddy · 05/06/2018 14:14

Don't talk about babies at work. Make it a rule. Just get on with your job. Your choices when the time comes and if you still have 20 weeks to go, it is ridiculous to be talking about fine details right now. Your colleague just wanted to let you now they were an experienced, over-worrying, fretful parent! I did not even know you could get cameras in baby monitors! What do they do then - watch it all night instead of the TV? What a great source of entertainment that must be? Or perhaps their child turns into a were wolf when the moon rises........? (Only joking!!!)

kaytee87 · 05/06/2018 14:15

I don't know why people are saying he's right. Our first baby monitor didn't have a camera and I loved it, second one does don't like it as much. Wish first one still working.

Op this is just the start of it. Pregnant women and babies are public property.

FranticallyPeaceful · 05/06/2018 14:15

I don’t think a baby camera monitor classes as a parenting choice

CatsCatsCats11 · 05/06/2018 14:16

He's not right at all, we don't have one they can be hacked. Sound one is perfectly fine.

Original poster

KarmaKate · 05/06/2018 14:16

Whoa - it wasn't even brought up by me someone asked me! I'm hardly going to say 'no sorry, not talking about anything baby with you lot'

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 05/06/2018 14:16

But yeah, don't talk about it at work then people will find it harder to lecture you.

Original poster

KarmaKate · 05/06/2018 14:16

Ok 'baby monitor choice' then

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 05/06/2018 14:17

Completely missing the point of the thread but why did he think it was so essential to have one with a camera?

He does know that once upon a time people didn't even have baby monitors, let alone baby monitors with cameras, and you know what, their children managed to survive.

agabimou · 05/06/2018 14:17

I say this from experience, and in the gentlest way possible.

Before you have a child you have no idea how you are going to parent.

He is just trying to help, I felt the same way about comments before my dd was born. 10 months later I have eaten my words a lot!!!

Original poster

KarmaKate · 05/06/2018 14:18

@pigsDOfly this was my point and I know that if we decide we need one we can order it and it will be at our house in 24 hours. Job done!

OP posts:

Becca83 · 05/06/2018 14:18

Not helpful, but our video monitor was one of the best things we bought. Wouldn't be without it.....

peachgreen · 05/06/2018 14:19

Most of the advice that made me cross before I gave birth ended up being a lifesaver once the baby actually arrived!

ProustianMadeleine · 05/06/2018 14:19

I've never had a baby monitor of any kind never mind a camera one so wouldn't class it as an essential item.

blacklister · 05/06/2018 14:19

I'm 50/50 on this. Yep you're right it is entirely your choice what you do and how you do it. And unsolicited advice (especially outdated nonsense usually coming from - without being rude - the older generation) is especially annoying.

However.

You'll find that in some instances, the advice givers are right and you won't be. First baby? You don't know it all. Not yet. I'm now having my second and I still don't know it all. Most of what I do know though I either learned on the job, or I learned from more experienced parents than me. Almost everything I thought I knew/wanted before my first baby was born I've either changed my view on or figured out it doesn't work like that in the real world when baby is here.

Dummies is a prime example. I was a dummy-hater and dare I say it, a bit judgy (although silently) about people giving babies dummies. Lazy buggers I thought, just give them a cuddle, they'll stop crying. Oh how that bit me on the arse when I was gifted a silent refluxer who screamed constantly and wanted to comfort suck/swallow a lot.

You might well find that when your baby is here, you don't want to leave them in a room without being able to see them quickly without having to faff about going upstairs - then a camera monitor is sensible and useful. You might not feel like that, but you won't know until the time comes. Some people don't bother with monitors at all, and as babies aren't supposed to sleep on their own for six months anyway there's no rush to get one. Why don't you wait and see how you feel?

CoffeAndCream · 05/06/2018 14:20

You need to learn to shrug off and ignore any unwanted parenting advice - you will be getting it forever!!!!

peachgreen · 05/06/2018 14:20

(Also our video monitor is amazing because it means we know if the baby is grizzling in her sleep (leave), grizzling herself to sleep (leave) or grizzling and awake (go in). I wouldn't be without it!)

BlueJava · 05/06/2018 14:20

Since you ask I think YABU. Stop talking about your personal life at work and others will stop giving opinions. He was only offering his opinion since you brought the topic up.

NotTakenUsername · 05/06/2018 14:20

How is it an unnecessary comment if he was in a conversation about baby monitors?

Original poster

KarmaKate · 05/06/2018 14:21

People have entirely missed the point of this thread. I'm not asking for advice on baby monitors. I'm stating that we aren't going to buy one with a camera initially, we have a hand me down which is almost brand new that doesn't have a camera. If we decide we need one we will buy one and it will be delivered within 24 hours.

The point of this thread is that I figured it it unreasonable for people to roll their eyes and make sarcy comments to new mums to be. Seems like there are much nicer ways to put things.

OP posts:

whogivesafeck · 05/06/2018 14:21

He's really not right.... people said the same to me, I managed to cope perfectly fine without one a couple of years ago!

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