to think it's none or anyone's business how I choose to parent?

[KarmaKate]

Why do people make such unnecessary comments when you're pregnant? At work today and was talking about baby monitors. I said I didn't want one with a camera, at which point my colleague told me I would regret it, rolled his eyes as if to say 'you'll see!' and continued to lecture me on why it is necessary that I have one. It is MY choice to not have one. If I decide I need one I will buy one next day delivery and it will be at my house within 24 hours. AIBU to be irritated by this and by the fact that I've got another 20 weeks or unnecessary and unsolicited advice?

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde

I have so much to pass on!

@Myotherusernameisbest eye rolling is so rude. I said he continued to lecture me on why I should have one, that was the 'lecture' bit. I guess I'm being unreasonable and must go out and buy a baby monitor with a camera as it seems I can't do without one.

My teen is almost sixteen and camera monitors were virtually unheard of when he was a baby. In fact I don’t know anyone who has ever had one ever. When mine was little those monitors with the matras alarms were the thing, and most people I knew who had one said they caused far to much worry because they went off if the baby so much as moved an inch.

IMO baby monitors are made by companies to ensure that every parent grows to be as paranoid as possible and as such will spend £££ on them. They are certainly not necessary items, plenty of people cope without them in fact plenty of generations coped without monitors at all let alone ones with cameras andalarms.

Totally sympathise. Love talking about all things baby now that I am pregnant and could do it all day (although I don't for obvious reasons!). However I do NOT love having eyes rolled at me when I tell someone what I am thinking of doing/buying something and being told I MUST do this, MUST buy that. As if they are a baby guru and how they handled their baby 15 years ago will be exactly how I should do it. Appreciate I don't know everything - or anything sometimes - and happy to take advice on board but not when it is totally patronising and at times total nonsense.

(especially outdated nonsense usually coming from - without being rude - the older generation) Been told everything from I can't have my yogurt cos I've added honey to it (??), definitely DO NOT pick the baby up if they are crying as they are trying to manipulate me, don't breastfeed as you just give the dad an excuse not to do his fair share, do not try to give birth without an epidural, just leave the baby outside in the pram if they are crying for 'no reason', I can't eat various things that I definitely can (eggs, mayonnaise, reheated leftovers), been refused a coffee at work as there was no decaff left even though I said it was fine (!!), travel systems are a scam and that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY i can possibly work up to 3 weeks before my due date 'well you'll soon see you're wrong, you'll be begging to stop before then'.

I know you invite discussion when you talk about your pregnancy and SOME advice has been so helpful but it honestly verges on the point of rudeness sometimes the comments I've had.

Oh op, it probably is your maternity leave present. Tell everyone you're so grateful for judgy bloke's advice you've bought a video monitor for every room and what you're really short of is chocolate.

This isn’t about your parenting, since you haven’t actually done any yet. It’s you being over sensitive in a group discussion about something really quite minor thst someone else thinks they do have practical experience about and trying to explain further why they think it is a good idea. Maybe his conversational style and yours don’t quite gel.

Of course you can do without one! Let it go. You will get endless amounts of advise over the next 20 years 20 weeks and you just have to nod, smile and then do your own thing. Only way you'll get through it. Only actually take someones advise if YOU think its good advise. If you think, what a load of crap, its best just to say thanks and move on. Otherwise you'll spend your entire pregnancy eye rolling at everyone else!

You are being a bit precious.
People roll their eyes and make sarcy comments to non pregnant people too.
Life's tough eh!!

@melonscoffer which is equally as rude no?

Op..

I agree with pp.. if you ever go on a pregnancy forum it is full of people who know exactly how they are going to raise there baby....Then baby arrives.. some just never sleep, some are hungry babies, mine had a dummy as he thought my boob was a dummy.

It is advice and you don't have to take any of it but I think you have made it into a far bigger issue than it was.

Eye rolling is rude, very rude. It implies that the eye roller sees himself as superior to the other person who is clearly a bit clueless and not as switched on as the eye roller.

He sounds like a bit of a knob tbh, a smug knob at that.

The advice never ends, even after you give birth people feel you want it even though you haven't asked for it. Half the stuff people told me I needed and I never bothered getting I never needed anyway. It used to infuriate me but now I smile and say 'ok' and do what I want anyway because it's my baby and I'm capable of making my own decisions.

You have many years of people offering unsolicited advice, yet. Just wait until you take your baby out in August with anything less than a jumper, a wooly hat, 3 blankets and a cosy toes on. Someone will be along to advise you of the imminent risk of hypothermia before the hour is out.

I've never had a baby monitor and I have 4 kids . Didn't see the point .

"Other people's opinions of you are none of your business" (read that somewhere once and I love it).

Learn your lesson - just stop discussing anything personal at work with this unnecessary person.

I never had one, my child has miraculously lived till 5 and going strong. Unfortunately you will always have the 'oh you'll see' comments from people who obviously know so much better Roll your eyes back at them. If someone had said this me I would've said something back along the lines of how I didn't know how people for thousands of years before raised babies without cameras.

You create a MN thread to ask why some dick is giving you unwanted advice on baby monitors and everyone starts giving you advice on baby monitors.

I got 'just you wait' comments all the time but I never had any baby monitor, never owned a bottle, have never given either child any processed food and never had any child care. I would never ever mention any of that to anyone in RL - I only do here because it's anonymous. People have a strong desire to normalise their own parenting style/choices and do this as a reflex. Block it out 'that's nice', 'do you think' 'Well, time will tell' comments are best and don't discuss. Do what suits you.

It's completely up to you what you do or do not choose to have. But everyone will want to give their opinion on everything. Sometimes it's best to say okay thank you, and forget about it straight away, as that avoids a longer conversation about why you disagree with the.
(That said I think the video monitor was one of the best things we had for our baby, he's 3 this year and we still use it, it's piece of mind knowing we can see him).

Love how everyone is still advising me on baby monitors

FlibbertyGiblets

I hated this kind of thing too. All the just you wait and see stuff. Like you don't have a clue what's going to be like.

Conversation often involves the sharing of opinions - you don’t have to share the same opinions? Noone’s forcing you to buy anything, but it’s fine for people to offer opinions/advice surely?

It is fine for people to offer advice. It is rude for people to eye roll or snark when that advice is not taken however right they believe it to be.

...oops pressed too soon 😂 Seniorita....I parent in exactly the same as you - but wouldn’t go on about it irl - I do think it’s normal for people to want to give advice and opinions on child rearing, I think it shows people are interested. It doesn’t make me angry, but neither am I influenced by most of the advice I’m offered

I don't mind advice! 'It's up to you what you do but we absolutely loved our baby monitor' is fine. Rolling your eyes at someone and making them feel stupid, especially a first time mum is rude. I'm amazed at how many people think that's a nice thing to do.