to think it's none or anyone's business how I choose to parent?

[KarmaKate]

Why do people make such unnecessary comments when you're pregnant? At work today and was talking about baby monitors. I said I didn't want one with a camera, at which point my colleague told me I would regret it, rolled his eyes as if to say 'you'll see!' and continued to lecture me on why it is necessary that I have one. It is MY choice to not have one. If I decide I need one I will buy one next day delivery and it will be at my house within 24 hours. AIBU to be irritated by this and by the fact that I've got another 20 weeks or unnecessary and unsolicited advice?

I don't mind advice. I mind eye rolling. I don't talk much about being pregnant at work someone asked me if I had bought a baby monitor yet and I answered.

Becca83. Why does anyone need a video monitor? You cannot possibly need to watch a baby all the time. That is positively unhealthy unless your child has major health problems. Get a life! You are still people as well as parents and you need spae away froma sleeping baby. Are you awake all night watching too!

Just say you’re not sure and move on. He was just expressing his opinion that’s all.... I don’t think he meant to give ‘advice’ - he was only trying to be helpful that’s all....

We don't have a video monitor and have been perfectly happy with the motor we have. But I do agree a lot of stuff I did think before baby had to be tossed out the window. Every baby and every experience is different though

We have one and would recommend it - but that’s what it is, just recommendation based on our own experience. We are not advising or lecturing. He probably has children and so thought it would be a helpful thing to say that’s all.

I suspect I have been guilty of rolling my eyes at pregnant mums before . I suspect you will do the same when the time comes and someone is talking about how they will 'never do' such and such.

It's not done meanly, just from bitter experience I guess!

Of course you don't need one! What did people do before these things existed?!!
I hated this sort of thing at work when I was pregnant, people telling me how to be a parent. They still do it nearly 5 bloody years later

How is he right?

I barely used a monitor for my first, and not at all for my second. They are a waste, imo.

Welcome to oarenthood you’ve got at least 18 years of this! You just need to grow a thicker skin and grin and bare the advice. If your sensitive about a topic then avoid mentioning it or be really vague in your reply (“im undecided on baby monitor”) as other people will try to give advice whether it’s wanted or not.

For what it’s worth I was also given the same patronising advice about baby monitors- I am so glad I stuck to my guns and bought one without a camera! Xx

Why is he right?

I never had any monitor ......

Most people can’t afford to keep buying unnecessarily, even if the first one is free, sounds like he was trying to be helpful and save you the faff, even with your 24 hour delivery...

Ok, he looked at me and said 'you aren't having a baby monitor with a camera in?' With a raised eyebrow. I said 'no, not to start off with as we don't know if we'll need it'. At this point he smirked at me and rolled his eyes. Told me I would regret it and 'you'll see' - sorry I didn't explain the full conversation initially. I just wouldn't class this as helpful advice. It's patronising and rude. I thought my reason for not buying one was fair enough but clearly not!

He needs to mind his own. I had a sound and movement monitor for DS1, but I've never used a baby monitor at all with DS2. Looked it out but couldn't remember how to use it and it's sat unplugged on the bedroom floor for 7 months.

He is just trying to help Really? Rolling his eyes, and lecturing op is "trying to help" ... I don't think so.

20 weeks? Try 20 years.
People do ask you constantly about baby things when you're pregnant. I don't get the snide digs telling you to stop talking baby at work.
And to totally jump on the bandwagon, we had a video monitor with ds1 which I loved, and then hardly used it for ds2. Kept forgetting to plug it in, and just left the door open in the end.

Yeah It’s on you this one. If the topic of baby monitors comes up, just say “I’m not sure” if he’s got opinions on why a camera one is good (and he’s right, £30 quid extra to not have to go upstairs and check visually 5 times a night for the next year seems like a good deal to me) then listen to them and say “thanks, I’ll bear that in mind”

Yes, you might not want a camera monitor and are fixed on that, which is fine and entirely your prerogative, most of our parents managed without one, but one of these conversations you may find useful and learn something you didn’t.

It’s entirely in your control, I’m quite sure people aren’t chasing you to the car park demanding your thoughts on baby mobiles. You either indulge them in conversation or you don’t, it’s on you.

Well, you don't have to justify your reasonings for buying or not buying anything. If someone's rude to you, then deal with it in the same way as you would if it's not pregnancy or baby related.

What people are trying to tell you is that whatever it's about when it comes to your first baby you probably will be wrong a lot/change your mind a lot/ learn a lot once it comes.

I think everyone gets annoyed with advice during their first pregnancy because you have such ideals about how you'll parent. Some will work and some won't but to think that you've got it all figured out at this point will land you on your bum with a bump later on down the line.

@Excited101 buying unnecessarily is exactly what I'm trying to do?

@Excited101 trying to avoid I mean!

@blacklister but the thing is, I don't think I have it all figured out, I've literally just made a decision not to buy a camera when I already have one without, just in case we don't need it or want to use it.

I think it's the eye rolling that pissed you off (understandably)
The subject matter is irrelevant

@imsconequeen that was the point of my thread, but everyone seems to have focussed on the point that I dare answer a question about my pregnancy at work, and are doing the same as him and telling me I should get a monitor even though I've already stated I'm not going to until after the baby is born.

I didn't even have a baby monitor with DS. What a great invention. Would've saved me going to his room every 5 minutes to check my pfb was still perfect

Will definitely get one with my next baby, with video. I'm lazier these days.

My youngest is 31 now and I can still remember being pissed off about the unasked for, unwanted 'wisdom' I had imposed on me by people who knew 'better' than me.

Like the cousin of my exh who informed me, unasked, when I was expecting my first, that because my breast were small I'd never be able to breast feed; well you know what I fed all three until they were all well over 2 years old.

There were many more examples of that kind from people all the time when they were small babies as well.

I just love an 'expert'.

Saying 'you'll regret it, you'll see' and doing an eye roll is hardly a lecture. I don't really see how it is got you so worked up.

Maybe your collegues are trying to figure out what to buy you as a leaving gift. Bet thats top of the list now!