to think it's none or anyone's business how I choose to parent?

[KarmaKate]

Why do people make such unnecessary comments when you're pregnant? At work today and was talking about baby monitors. I said I didn't want one with a camera, at which point my colleague told me I would regret it, rolled his eyes as if to say 'you'll see!' and continued to lecture me on why it is necessary that I have one. It is MY choice to not have one. If I decide I need one I will buy one next day delivery and it will be at my house within 24 hours. AIBU to be irritated by this and by the fact that I've got another 20 weeks or unnecessary and unsolicited advice?

...sometimes eye rolling isn’t meant in an unkind way - it can be very easy to take offence where non was intended

It can be meant in a “ooh what are you like” way if you see what I mean - meant fondly rather than harshly

YANBU some people believe their way is the only way. You’ll have more if it to come with judgement on routines and ‘sleep training’ I’m afraid. I’ve given up justifying myself to people and simply role my eyes or reply ‘Why would you make that assumption?’
Good luck.

Holly love the ‘baby guru’ thing - ahaha- it is true some people really do believe they are THE baby whisperer

You could always listen to Edna:

I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes. Edna St. Vincent Millay

I've always been in favour of mistakes.

We had a non video monitor for eldest when he was a baby. Then a couple in the next block of flats had a baby and our monitor picked up their conversations, I guess they had the same brand? We got rid of ours the next day.

Why does anyone need a video monitor?

My baby is nearly 8 months old and I don't have a baby monitor at all. Live in a small house though. Will get one for when we go on a few holidays this summer as the baby might be sleeping out of earshot from where we will be sitting in the evenings.

Just do what you want. Maybe try saying "when you had your baby, did you get to choose which XXX you wanted ? (name, pram, monitor, whatever". If they say "yes" then say "I will do the same- make my own choice", and if they say "no", say "ah, that's a shame, you'll understand why I want to choose for my self then"

Don’t mix work and social chat

But you’re right. Camera monitors are unnecessary

Just wait until the baby arrives...

Seriously though, they’re advice magnets. Someone once shouted their opinion through a loo cubicle door that I should have corrected my 1 year old’s use of ‘DD ready to swim’ rather than ‘I’m ready to swim’. I was 6 months pregnant, still having terribleness morning sickness, and was in the middle of having a piss and trying to stop Dd from touching the sanitary bin. If only she could have seen my face.

I get that it's the eye rolling that has pissed you off but why didn't you challenge it?

You don't have to confrontational about it, just say ' ok, what was that eye roll about!'
If you say it with good humour you can nip things in the bud a lot quicker.

Be careful with the monitors girls/guys - we were in Italy at my aunts house and my cousin’s wife was putting their baby down.
We were all eating out on the terrace - baby monitor on table - when she let out an enormously long, rasping fart - then said “aaaah, that feel so good”
No one said anything - and her husband looked utterly mortified.
It made it much worse because cousin’s wife is quite reserved and religiously pious so it was just an awkward situation all round

OP, he was being irritating. Just nod and smile.

But seriously, mentioning on here any sort of child related product and expecting NOT to get advice is BVU. and therefore......

I was TOTALLY pfb and bought one of those monitors with a mat that told you if the child stopped breathing. Never used it. Actually I tell a lie. Once I used it. She rolled off it, it went off, I went screaming into the room and woke her up. Binned. that didn't have a video. But she was an atrocious napper and so when we were expecting her sister, we bought a video one but put it in the eldest's room so that i could see if she was actually asleep/ was roaring for attention / was roaring because she'd jammed herself in a corner of the cot and couldn't get out / was roaring because she really wasn't happy.

So the punchline is, you don't need them for a newborn, but they're handy enough at about 6 months if you have a child who insists on trapping herself in corners out of which she can't get.

Never needed it with the youngest.

Prime it if needs be. All good.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Why does anyone need a video monitor?
For us it was useful with our eldest because we figured out that if she was shouting and lying down she'll almost certainly roll over and go to sleep in a minute or so but if she was standing in the cot we needed to help her go back to sleep. We haven't yet had to use the video monitor for our youngest who is 14 months.

OP, I sympathise. Everyone knows best and think whatever was useful for them will be essential for everyone else. I agree with buying stuff as and when you need it.

HollyGoLoudly

SO TRUE!!!!

I wish I had the balls to just say to all these people “thanks for the unsolicited advice”

With a video monitor you can catch a seizure before baby stops breathing / baby’s heart stops beating. With an audible one it’s only after; and then you need the ability to do first aid.

From experience here with dn. Had breathing issues so we all stayed up at night to watch the monitor. He’d stop breathing, audible would keep beeping, and we would pinch his ears to make him breathe again.

Wouldn’t start beeping

DuchyDuke Surely you can acknowledge that your situation was exceptional and not the norm for most?

A video monitor really only comes into its own when the baby is older. It’s so useful when they’re 2 and up to see what they’re up to- especially if they can get out of bed and/or plays independently in their room. You can remind them to lay down, or get back into bed without the attention of being in the room.

I've never had a baby monitor at all

You need to learn to just smile, nod and ignore. There are many years ahead of people thinking their choices are the only way. Fwiw We never had a video monitor and never regretted it.