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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what you would do if...

92 replies

user7469322 · 05/06/2018 10:11

...your husband had another woman’s hair on him?

Bit of a brief story to go with this.

Husband was out all weekend at a convention.
Took female friend, brother and uncle.
Husband and friend spent a lot of time together.
He had to drive her home (30mins both ways) half way during the convention and back again (eye problem)
He arrived home late Sunday p.m with a long hair stuck to his sweater
Was a bit cagey when I pointed it out and removed it
Was all over me the rest of Sunday like a rash

AIBU to ask what you’d think/say if this was you and your husband/partner?

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/06/2018 10:13

My hair falls out everywhere. I’d not be surprised if I spent time in close proximity to someone if my hair was on their sweater

These things can happen

Don’t you trust him?

Stormwhale · 05/06/2018 10:14

This is batshit. It's a hair. I think your marriage is over if you are needing to post about a hair on your husband. If your immediate reaction is to think a hair warrants suspicion and a mumsnet post then I'm not surprised your husband was cagey about it. It doesn't exactly seem as though you trust him!

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 05/06/2018 10:14

Is this a joke?

My hair sheds like crazy and it is constantly on my clothes, my partners clothes, my desk. I've picked a hair belonging to me off of my bosse's shoulder before.

She would only need to be standing next to him for that to happen! In a lift, while talking to another guest etc etc. There are so many more likely innocent explanations than weird ones.

Presuming the friend had a good reason to be at the conference (and if she didn't there a massive drip feed coming...) then it literally wouldn't even occur to me to think anything of it.

When a strange pair of underwear falls out of his breast pocket you can start to be concerned...!

lifechangesforever · 05/06/2018 10:15

Me hair is probably on a whole range of other people's clothes.. including shock horror other men's .. who may have wives. They also probably have my dog's hairs on them too!

hellsbellsmelons · 05/06/2018 10:15

Well it depends on other behaviour.
But honestly, I have long hair and it gets everywhere.
If I was in someones car it would be sure to end up on them somewhere.
Would he really risk doing anything with his brother and uncle there?

BerryBad · 05/06/2018 10:16

It wouldn't bother me. I have long hair, and it gets around Grin

Doesn't imply anything, unless you have other reasons not to trust him?

Original poster
user7469322 · 05/06/2018 10:16

@Stormwhale

Don’t start with the batshit shite. There are actual genuine reasons I’ve posted about this.

OP posts:
SweetCheeks1980 · 05/06/2018 10:18

But it is batshit!

Stormwhale · 05/06/2018 10:20

Unfortunately you can't dictate other people's opinions op. I think your reaction is batshit crazy. It's a hair. Some people shed hair all over the place. My best friend comes to stay with me and I find her hairs everywhere, including my own bed, despite her never getting in it! It takes a few days of hoovering before they disappear.

If they shared a car journey together, it would only take a gust of wind through the window to cause this. Not a rampant shagging session!

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/06/2018 10:20

Don’t start with the batshit shite. There are actual genuine reasons I’ve posted about this. We're not mind-readers. Stormwhale answered your post. I you want people to understand the background, you need to give them the background.

VogueVVague · 05/06/2018 10:20

Well then post the other reasons so we have the bigger picture. As things stand i wouldnt be worried.

Original poster
user7469322 · 05/06/2018 10:21

@SweetCheeks1980

I don’t want to put a full list of details on as to why I’m asking this, it’s very outing and I don’t want that but in short I’m suspicious, have been a long time about him and her.

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 05/06/2018 10:22

It is a hair... on the outside of his jumper... My long hair sheds a lot and is found EVERYWHERE! Including all over my parents when visiting them.

I think you'd be nuts to consider this a sign of anything untoward.

Thesearmsofmine · 05/06/2018 10:24

I wouldn’t even notice a hair. My own hair sheds terribly and gets everywhere.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 05/06/2018 10:37

I expect the eye problem was code for a quick shag

starkid · 05/06/2018 10:38

You can't expect everyone to agree with you that he's having an affair with no other information apart from you saying you a suspicious. What are you hoping to get out of posting here if you aren't going to divulge? Because without any other info, yes freaking out about a hair is weird. But clearly there's something else going on here, but no one can advise without anything to go on.

starkid · 05/06/2018 10:39

You don't need to divulge, but pointless posting if nothing at all. You get a load of LTB with a hair

Ragwort · 05/06/2018 10:40

The fact that he was cagey about it and was then 'all over you like a rash' on Sunday is more telling than just one actual hair.

Is there something else going on?

But if you don't trust him, you don't trust him - only you can decide if 'one hair' means a lot more?

WeAllLiveInACoffeeMachine · 05/06/2018 10:42

I wouldn't think anything of it.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 05/06/2018 10:44

Ahh, there's the drip feed Hmm

I still think it is completely batshit to think that your DH having a hair on him is cause for concern when it is so much more likely to be completely normal and innocent.

Focus on your other reasons for suspicion unless they are all as tenuous and far fetched as this one

Bluntness100 · 05/06/2018 10:46

I think you need to provide more details. A hair on his sweater is clearly not incriminating.

If you can't provide further details, I'm unsure how anyone can help. As the other things making you suspicious could be just as batshit.

PinkHeart5914 · 05/06/2018 10:47

I would think it’s just a hair Confused and if I was bothered by a hair I’d wonder what the fuck was wrong with me as it’s certainly not normal

IrregularCommentary · 05/06/2018 10:48

You might have good reason to be suspicious, but you're not willing to share those reasons so who can say.

Based just on the hair, I think you're overreacting.

Original poster
user7469322 · 05/06/2018 10:50

Will try to give a bit more info but be vague:

Friend & husband been ‘friends’ 6/9mths
She’s regularly at my house for ‘hobby’
I don’t feel comfortable around her, end up staying upstairs
Husband very happy to bend over backwards to help her whilst I’m generally stuck/alone
She’s mid 20s, he’s late 30s
Constantly messaging on Messenger, I’ve read them, obvious crush on his part
Convention at weekend was for shared hobby
Hair on jumper says to me they’ve hugged/cuddled whatever
We have kids

Sorry if this is a massive drip feed as everyone shouting batshit is saying, I don’t want to be outed and was trying to be vague. There’s much more but I don’t want to put too much else.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/06/2018 10:54

Ok, what's making you think obvious crush on his part? What did the messages say?

Right now, it's hard to tell if you're just a hugely insecure jealous person or he's giving you reason.

What is rhe hobby and why is it in inverted commas. And why do you stay upstairs. That's weird, are you doing it because you're jealous of her?