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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh and female colleague

80 replies

Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 12:50

Ok so I’m pretty sure I Aibu unreasonable to be obsessing over this but interested to know how others would feel.

Dh just started a new job and is working very closely with a woman who I’m not sure about. After meeting her I really liked her and thought she was lovely but some of the things she talks to him about seem really odd. A few examples

  • she asked him how good our relationship was and said most men in their office slag their wives off and she said it probably wouldn’t be long before he was doing the same about me
  • she told him her DH gets jealous of all the attention she gets when they go to bars/clubs because of how attractive she is. She then started reading off stories of specific times this had happened
-she said quite a few men in the office have a thing for her and she was even told by a newly engaged colleague of theirs that she is the most beautiful woman in the office.
  • she opened up about a previous marriage failing and how she’s worried the one she’s in will too as she gets tempted easily.

I’m not usually a jealous person but I’m a little rattled by these conversations. Its Just not the sort of conversation I would crack out at work let alone with a new colleague that I had only known a few months. I’m just wondering if her intentions are just to get a bit of attention or if it’s something a bit more sinister than that?

Aibu and over thinking this or would you be concerned? I’m quite an insecure person (which I’m working on at the moment) so I’m wondering if this is causing me to think about it more than I should be....

OP posts:
SparklySeashell · 04/06/2018 12:52

YANBU, she sounds weird!

FellOutOfBed2wice · 04/06/2018 12:53

She sounds like an absolute pain in the arse but I would say it’s a good sign that your husband is telling you. If he suddenly starts not mentioning it, that’s when I would get worried.

RemainOptimistic · 04/06/2018 12:54

What is DH doing in bars with colleagues?!

Is this info coming from what DH said she said?

DH needs to steer well clear, she sounds batshit.

LeChatDeNuit · 04/06/2018 12:55

She sounds like an attention-seeking drama queen.

Original poster
Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 12:58

He can’t stay clear they’re working on a big project together at the moment and she’s at a slightly higher level. The info is coming from what she said she said. He wasn’t at the bars when all these men were flinging themselves at her she told him about it. They do all go out once a month though as an office - dh always comes home relatively early as he’s not a massive drinker and they all are. I’ve been out with them once and met her and her husband who I got on well with

OP posts:
Medea13 · 04/06/2018 12:59

Who told you she said all this, though? Perhaps your husband is exaggerating (or even playing pretend) to make you jealous OR to preempt any suspicion from you of his motives because actually he fancies her? It's so easy to demonise some random woman, but consider your husband's motives and incentives in giving you this information -- especially if he is already aware you are generally insecure.

pigmcpigface · 04/06/2018 13:01

YANBU. I do think this is flirtatious behaviour, but it's incompetent flirtation. It sounds like the kind of thing teenagers think is seductive - horribly obvious, and quite tacky.

Why is your DH telling you all of these things that she said? Is he flattered that she's coming on to him? Or is he telling you so that you can cringe together at her? I think that makes all the difference.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 04/06/2018 13:03

Attention seeker. I'd be massively taking the piss. "Has Brad Pitt come begging XX to give him another chance yet?" "Does Meghan realise Harry only married her because XX turned him down?" Etc.

Atalune · 04/06/2018 13:03

She told your DH this and he’s telling you?

She’s behaving inappropriately and hope your DH sets her straight!

If it’s just chit chat, he could deflect what she has to say with something like....“careful, your head won’t get through the door if you keep going on”

Timeissliplingaway · 04/06/2018 13:07

Sounds like perhaps someone fancies herself a bit and if your partner has any sense he will just think she is weird.
I cant dtand women who talk about themselves like this, it just makes me cringe (I hate that word cringe aswell but it's the only way to describe it).

ThenCameTheFools · 04/06/2018 13:07

Your dh is telling you all this?
He sounds infatuated. I'd be taking a very large pinch of salt with what he's saying. It sounds like textbook mentionitis. He's covering for the fact he likes spending time with her by making her out to be a bunny boiler.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 04/06/2018 13:08

I used to work with a woman like this. She couldn't go out for lunch without being wolf whistled. She wasn't unbelievably beautiful just believed she was!

Original poster
Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:10

I guess he’s told me because when he comes home and we talk about our days we talk about conversations we’ve had. She’s not the only person who’s conversations come up as there is another woman he works closely with but his conversations with her never ring alarm bells.

I do trust my husband but I think I have moments where i don’t feel good enough and I don’t want him to realise that. Ugh listen to me feeling sorry for myself - I don’t think I realised how upset I was until I wrote this thread.

OP posts:
ThenCameTheFools · 04/06/2018 13:10

What has he told you he replies to her when she comes out with all of this? Because you'd.think he'd say 'can we get on with the project and leave the unprofessional non work gossip out of it' and being told once would be enough and she'd find another handsome fella to flirt with.

Nikephorus · 04/06/2018 13:11

He sounds infatuated. I'd be taking a very large pinch of salt with what he's saying. It sounds like textbook mentionitis. He's covering for the fact he likes spending time with her by making her out to be a bunny boiler.
Or maybe he just shares details of his working life with his wife as partners often do? And maybe this woman is making him go Shock Hmm too?
Not every man is a cheat. And not every woman is perfect (as we see here!)

maxthemartian · 04/06/2018 13:12

Does your husband work on a Carry On film set?!

halfwitpicker · 04/06/2018 13:14

What's your DH's take on this? He thinks she's barmy?

Original poster
Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:14

I did actually ask him how he responds. He said he just listens and doesn’t really contribute much. He doesn’t talk much about his personal life at work. He’s a bit of an introvert.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 04/06/2018 13:17

She sounds like a female David Brent.

Original poster
Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:18

I don’t think he has much of a take on it. He sort of just shrugged it off like she’s a bit of an alpha female in the office and is very confident about herself (in relation to work as well as her looks). He said sorry for bringing it up when he realised I was rattled and said he hopes I’m not worried as he isn’t looking elsewhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:18

Thestoic Grin this cheered me up

OP posts:
Mousefunky · 04/06/2018 13:20

Sounds like her head is firmly placed up her backside.

TeasndToast · 04/06/2018 13:23

I’d only worry if he gets ‘mentionitis’ The first clue to anything untoward is the constant mentioning of one particular person. If he keeps bringing up these conversations then dig a bit deeper.
She sounds like a dick tbh.

Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 04/06/2018 13:23

Yanbu
I wouldn't like it at all.

Does your DH mention other colleagues or just her?

JohnnyKarate · 04/06/2018 13:25

My DP has almost identical to this.

Its a joke now between us, you will never guess what she said today. We have a little laugh about it now and add it to the mental list of crazy claims. I have joked we start a game of bingo.

She has cooled off a lot since they got a new member of staff so I think she just craves attention. It is her DP I feel the sorriest for because she makes him sound unstable.