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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh and female colleague

80 replies

Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 12:50

Ok so I’m pretty sure I Aibu unreasonable to be obsessing over this but interested to know how others would feel.

Dh just started a new job and is working very closely with a woman who I’m not sure about. After meeting her I really liked her and thought she was lovely but some of the things she talks to him about seem really odd. A few examples

she asked him how good our relationship was and said most men in their office slag their wives off and she said it probably wouldn’t be long before he was doing the same about me
she told him her DH gets jealous of all the attention she gets when they go to bars/clubs because of how attractive she is. She then started reading off stories of specific times this had happened

-she said quite a few men in the office have a thing for her and she was even told by a newly engaged colleague of theirs that she is the most beautiful woman in the office.

she opened up about a previous marriage failing and how she’s worried the one she’s in will too as she gets tempted easily.

I’m not usually a jealous person but I’m a little rattled by these conversations. Its Just not the sort of conversation I would crack out at work let alone with a new colleague that I had only known a few months. I’m just wondering if her intentions are just to get a bit of attention or if it’s something a bit more sinister than that?

Aibu and over thinking this or would you be concerned? I’m quite an insecure person (which I’m working on at the moment) so I’m wondering if this is causing me to think about it more than I should be....

OP posts:

Original poster

Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:25

He does mention her a lot when he talks about work. He also talks about other people on the office a lot but not as much as her. I’d honestly like to believe this is because he spends the most time with her and not because he’s taken with her.

OP posts:

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 13:25

Your dh is telling you all this? He sounds infatuated

No, if he were infatuated he probably wouldn't mention her at all. Or it would be in the context of a general subtext of "X is incredibly attractive, all the men in the office are after her, I can't believe she is giving me any attention."

It sounds to me as if his approach is entirely sensible and healthy. He can't tell her to shut up or laugh at her, but he's keeping her at a reasonable distance.

TuTru · 04/06/2018 13:27

Pmsl female David Brent!

If I were you I’d tell her to back off from your man.

BadTasteFlump · 04/06/2018 13:29

I don't think you have any reason to worry she sounds annoying and self-obsessed and they're not generally attractive traits in anybody!

The only bit that would get me, tbh is this - she asked him how good our relationship was and said most men in their office slag their wives off and she said it probably wouldn’t be long before he was doing the same about me. If a woman said this to my DH, I would want to know that he had told her our relationship was great and that she was talking out of her arse (or words to that effect!). I'm confident he would, but knowing somebody had said that would get me fantasizing about giving her a slap, stupid cow

So YANBU for getting annoyed about it - but if you start to read more into it, from what you've said - YABU.

BubblesInTheTub · 04/06/2018 13:30

She sounds nuts.

She's telling your DH how gorgeous she is in the hope he'll say "yes you are" and she can add him to her list of "men who want to fuck me the instant they see me".

She's a dick.

Good sign that DH is telling you about all this.

Your DH sounds nice.

SkinniesAreOver · 04/06/2018 13:30

I find it really odd that your H is telling you all of this.

For sure, she sounds like attention is her oxygen. She is indeed a female David Brent with a bit of Katie Price thrown in.

She obviously has a really low bar in that she EXPECTS men to slag off their wives. But yet to endorse herself she states that all the men have a thing for her. So basically men you wouldn't want have a thing for her. {Bravo}

BadTasteFlump · 04/06/2018 13:31

If I were you I’d tell her to back off from your man

Ew no don't do that unless you're a tragic 70's country & western singer.

crabbyoldbat · 04/06/2018 13:31

She sounds like a woman who measures herself by her attractiveness to, and success with, potential sexual partners. How sad for her, to have nothing else going for her. She must also feel really inadequate and/or insecure, having to big herself up (by her values) like that all the time. It doesn't sound like confidence to me.

I don't think you've got anything to worry about, she's making herself very unattractive with her behaviour, and it doesn't sound like your husband is likely to rise to it. If he's trustworthy, he's trustworthy, and that's that - worrying won't make a difference. If he did rise to it, it would be him that's the problem, not her unfortunate behaviour.

SkinniesAreOver · 04/06/2018 13:32

ps, I agree with poster who says she'd want to know what your husband's reply to her prediction that he'd be slagging you off soon.

What did he say to that? Was he as forthcoming with his reply to her as he is with what she allegedly says to him?

Clubcuts · 04/06/2018 13:33

I worked with a woman like this! EVERY man fancied her or was after her .....not!

One day one of her make colleagues told her that her predecessor was stunningly attractive. She was furious "why did he tell her that", "that was hurtful to her", now she felt inferior blah blah!

I pointed out she was employed an a professional basis in a legal office not in a bar/club or on the Cat walk!

I'd ignore her and smile sweetly if I was your DH.

EstuaryBird · 04/06/2018 13:33

She is a Tart.

Original poster

Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:33

Bad taste - actually I do remember what he response was to that. He said that he hopes it’s noted that he doesn’t bad mouth me and told her next time she sees me she should drop it into conversation so he gets brownie points with me. He was basically being light hearted and making a joke out of it.

I’m not working at the moment as I’m on mat leave but I did work with a lot of people who would slag off their other halves and it’s something I absolutely refuse to do even to close friends. DH says he’s the same which I believe because he just doesn’t like talking about his personal life.

OP posts:

Hygge · 04/06/2018 13:34

Does he work with Samantha Brick?

Seriously, she sounds like hard work to live with.

Her DH is constantly jealous because of all the attentions she claims she gets, and she actively encourages this and she talks about how easily tempted she is to be unfaithful, and every man in the world finds her to be the most attractive woman they've ever seen.

That sounds like a horrible way to live, exhausting and miserable for her husband.

Luckily, yours doesn't sound too impressed with her. I'd not be worried about him showing any interest in her, but I would still want him to be aware that she could be trouble for him if she thinks he's interested or if they are in a situation where he has to turn her down.

BubblesInTheTub · 04/06/2018 13:34

If I were you I’d tell her to back off from your man

Uh-huh gurl, you tell that nasty ass ho to stay the fuck away from yo man

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 04/06/2018 13:37

I’m on the fence here as I think what’s key is if how your DH has presented this info.

If he’s rolling his eyes and making out she’s a total douchebag there’s no issue. We all love talking about idiots at work.

If he’s presenting this in any way that you suspect may be him being disingenuous then YANBU.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 04/06/2018 13:38

Posted too late

JosBoys · 04/06/2018 13:38

DH and I once had a colleague exactly like this. In fact I'm wondering if it's the same woman! She had had an affair with the boss in her previous company and went on to have an affair with one of our contractors after she left our company.
tbh I think your DH has to put some boundaries in place rather than keeping quiet because she will see the latter as agreement. I'd expect him to bring the conversation back to the task/project and be firm that he's not going to talk to her about your relationship.
If a man in your work was having these conversations with you, how would you manage it?

BadTasteFlump · 04/06/2018 13:39

He said that he hopes it’s noted that he doesn’t bad mouth me and told her next time she sees me she should drop it into conversation so he gets brownie points with me. He was basically being light hearted and making a joke out of it

Aw bless him, he does sound like a keeper . I agree with you though, I think moaning about your other half is a slippery slope to contempt and is a relationship killer. I like to think DH and I have our own little bubble that nobody else is allowed into - I once told somebody that in RL and she was doing vomit faces - but I've been married nearly 20 years and it works for us

Rhiannon13 · 04/06/2018 13:39

She sounds like a horribly vain pain in the arse. I think you'd have more cause for concern if your husband didn't mention her (or suddenly stopped completely). Insecure tart isn't really top of anyone's 'must-have' list is it?

prh47bridge · 04/06/2018 13:41

What is DH doing in bars with colleagues

He isn't. Read the OP again. The reference is to this fruitloop woman going to bars with her DH, not with the OP's DH.

KatharinaRosalie · 04/06/2018 13:42

If I were you I’d tell her to back off from your man

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you please don't take my man

Original poster

Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:46

Josboys the closest thing I can compare it to is a couple of times I was hit on a work. I handled it by just saying I’m happily married and not interested and they quickly moved on to the next target. This is different though I think as she’s not out right hitting on him and just trying to get a bit of attention he can’t be as firm as that. Also doesn’t want to piss her off as she could kick him into a different project that wouldn’t be as good for his career.

Oh and also if it’s relevent I did share getting hit on by colleagues to my husband - not to make him jealous but because we just talk about these things.

OP posts:

Original poster

Onemoresadsong · 04/06/2018 13:48

Bad taste that is lovely - sounds like a solid marriage

OP posts:

Lemonnaise · 04/06/2018 14:01

Your dh is telling you all this? He sounds infatuated

Omg, that is so so ridiculous. Behave yourself.

Whipsmart · 04/06/2018 14:02

I think the key to this is how your dh responds to her and how he sounds when he's telling you about it. I'd worry if you said something critical about what a loser she is and he jumped to her defence, but in this case I don't think it sounds like mentionitis at all, it sounds like normal chat about his weird workmates! Plus it sounds like he's let her know he's firmly on the straight and narrow

She sounds like a woman I used to know... I don't suppose she also tells people she has no female friends because women are too jealous of her?

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