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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel a day out?

98 replies

Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 10:14

Dc have an incet day today. Dh and I are both off so we planned a day at the beach. So we've done a picnic etc. Just driving from the house and DT (8) says he wished I'd gone to work because I'm mean. So I turned the car round and we're back in the house. I'm fuming at how ungrateful he is that we want to spend time with him doing nice things. But now the whole day is spoiled

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/06/2018 10:15

As you said DT I am guessing he wasn’t to only child on the trip so yes YABU to punish all for one persons actions

LOL7 · 04/06/2018 10:15

I think you over reacted. I would have told him that's a hurtful comment and asked him why he thinks I am mean.. have you upset him, knowingly or not?

ILoveMyDressingGown · 04/06/2018 10:16

I don't know, it sounds kind of like cutting your nose off to spite your face tbh.

Original poster
Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 10:16

Tbf his brother has been just as argumentative so I think it was the straw that broke the camels back. I'm fed up of the fighting and arguing and rudeness

OP posts:
tigercub50 · 04/06/2018 10:17

This actually sounds a lot like DD9 - she doesn’t cope well with change & has reacted like this before. How is your DS with change normally?

FASH84 · 04/06/2018 10:17

His behaviour is childish and rude, but your response isn't great. He's actually a child. Did you give him chance to explain and apologise? Did you tell him how that made you feel or did you just tell him off? He has done something wrong but you've cancelled the entire day, which you now seem to blame him for.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/06/2018 10:18

Well that seems a bit drastic - what had happened to make him say that? I don’t think cancelling the entire day in an instant is maybe the best thing to do?

I would take him aside and talk through what happened and why he said it and then set off again (unless he is just being rude for the sake of it, then maybe one of you take other dc and other stay home with rude dt)

Rocinante1 · 04/06/2018 10:18

Kids say stuff like that - it’s what they do. You handled it badly I think. You should have used it as an opportunity to talk to him about respecting other people’s feeligns etc. When you all got to the beach, he could have been told to sit down and think until he was ready o apologise, while the other kids had fun.

Kids say stuff without thinking, your job is to teach them to think and to show them that what they say can upset others. But you don’t teach them that at the expense of the rest of the family - now the other child/children will blame him for losing out on a day at the beach and what he said doesn’t deserve that kind of consequence.

PartyAnxiety · 04/06/2018 10:19

Personally I feel like it was an over reaction as you're now all going to waste the incet day when it could have been turned around. What was actually causing the argumentativeness? Were they just grumpy that morning? Struggling with the change? Tired?

MadMags · 04/06/2018 10:19

Seems a bit of an overreaction! Why are you mean, incidentally?

My kids think I’m mean all the time! I tell them it’s called parenting. And then they do get in trouble but cancelling everyone’s day out seems a bit much!

ILikeMyChickenFried · 04/06/2018 10:20

I think.children need a warning first before punishment. He was obviously naughty but I think this was an overreaction

Original poster
Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 10:20

Ps I know I'm wrong but I'm on the edge here wondering why I'm bothering working all the hours I can, plus organising all their activities and balancing everything else and nothing is appreciated at all. So yes IABU but I'm at the end of my tether. I hoped dh would step up to the plate but once again they get away with treating me like an unpaid slave

OP posts:
Beamur · 04/06/2018 10:23

Well, you've kind of proved him right now!
It's a bit of an over reaction to cancel a day out over a snippy remark.
Maybe you all need to calm down, then start again. Sounds like you all need a nice day out.
I had raging PMT at the weekend, was so grumpy that my bad mood made it into DD's diary. 'Mum was furious today for no apparent reason!' Grin we've since had a laugh about it, I've sort of apologised and all is now well.

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2018 10:23

So it's more about your DH than the DC?

Rocinante1 · 04/06/2018 10:23

Get some books on how to talk to children. I think your problem is not communicating with them and teaching them to respect you, but you also need to respect them for that to work.

It’s your job to work and organise their activities. And it’s also your job to teach them appropriate ways to behave. Your husband needs to do that too, so firstly a bit come to Jesus talk with him, then work on the kids.

Ragwort · 04/06/2018 10:24

I'd go off for the day and leave DH with the children.

Give yourself a nice break and don't let them treat you like an unpaid slave.

It is tricky with children though, what we think as adults as a 'lovely day out' isn't necessarily what they would choose prefer to be in darkened room with the Playstation.

Can you tell I loathe 'family time' Grin.

CherryBlossom23 · 04/06/2018 10:25

They're kids, none of that stuff (working to pay for things, organising activities, etc) actually occurs to them. They don't think about how it happens, they just know it happens. Maybe you need to sit down with them and have a chat about how hard mum and dad work to pay for everything and it's not nice to be rude when you're trying to have a nice day out.
I was a small bit like that when I was younger. Not rude per say but I would play up a bit on last minute trips. It's not that I didn't want to go, it's just that last minute changes of plan made me anxious and uncomfortable.

MadMags · 04/06/2018 10:26

Sounds like you’ve a problem with your DH and are taking it out on the kiddos! It’s fixable though. Just get back in the car!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 04/06/2018 10:26

I still remember and am bitter about the day my 8th birthday outing to the American Adventure was cancelled because I was mouthy. My parents never took me at a later date and it is still quite a sore point because it is closed now. If it hadn't been my fault but my sibling's, I would have felt the injustice even more.

Seeline · 04/06/2018 10:28

Sounds like most 8yo s to be honest. Of course they don't appreciate you and what you do. You are their Mum, and you do what you do - they don't know any different. Don't put up with them being rude - that needs a chat, and an explanation of why what they have said is rude, and how it makes you feel. Not necessarily a punishment.
What you do need is a supportive partner.

Original poster
Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 10:30

Thanks for the straight talking. Dh has gone out but we will try again when he gets back. DT is still not sorry and blaming me but its not fair on other DT

OP posts:
PickAChew · 04/06/2018 10:30

If your DH is like a third child I can understand why you couldn't face a day out with them all.

You need to have words with him about being a team and I agree with getting hold of a good how to talk to children type of book. You need to learn how to set and enforce boundaries with them.

MumofBoysx2 · 04/06/2018 10:31

YABU if there are other children involved. But also, what was one comment that would have been forgotten has now turned into a major issue, and the last day of their hols. I would turn round and go back to the beach :-)

coolcahuna · 04/06/2018 10:31

My DS (9) is like this often - doesn't want to go anywhere, always moans and complains. And then has a great time when we there!
I think its maybe fear of change or the unknown?

His brother (11) is the opposite and always up for stuff so I just ignore it, however grating it is. Otherwise we all miss out!

montenotte · 04/06/2018 10:34

sounds like you all needed a lovely day out!

he's 9. he's a child.

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