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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to cancel a day out?

98 replies

Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 10:14

Dc have an incet day today. Dh and I are both off so we planned a day at the beach. So we've done a picnic etc. Just driving from the house and DT (8) says he wished I'd gone to work because I'm mean. So I turned the car round and we're back in the house. I'm fuming at how ungrateful he is that we want to spend time with him doing nice things. But now the whole day is spoiled

OP posts:

Highhorse1981 · 04/06/2018 12:25

I suspect you were passed off with your DH and took it out on your son.

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s tough

I’ve been there. Now a single mum and days out are so so so much more enjoyable and chilled!.

Highhorse1981 · 04/06/2018 12:26

Pissed

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 04/06/2018 13:26

'You're mean' is child language for 'I feel my mother is behaving unfairly (or even 'I'm just out of sorts'), but I can't express it in a more articulate way'. And I agree with a PP that it's pretty mild. Huge shocked hurt overreactions to (literally) childish outbursts of emotion lead to children afraid to express any negative emotion. And children - rightly! - don't think 'my mother is so hardworking and put upon, I mustn't upset her'. It starts sliding into the territory of making our children responsible for our emotional wellbeing or guilty/obliged for all the work we do for them, and you can take it from me that that never goes well.

My response would have been 'you think I'm mean, why do you think that?' And then - after briskish explanation of any behaviour he was criticising as appropriate - 'I felt you saying that was rather rude, and also quite unfair as I'm just about to take you out for a nice day. Now each of us knows how the other feels, shall we get on with it?'

hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2018 13:31

Well done OP.
I''d have done the same thing.
And switched off the WiFi when we got back.
Kids have so much these and they are so bloody ungrateful it's infuriating.
And then you get all this ^^ Bloody crap.

You were NOT mean.
Keep it consistent and they will hopefully realise they cannot keep pushing you and getting away with it.

Although.... your DH sounds a bit useless as well???

Original poster

Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 13:33

Ok so at beach, DT both behaved in car on 2 hour journey so no ones being punished. I've got a book with me so that's me done.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2018 13:49

Did he at least apologise for being horrible to you?

Thespringsthething · 04/06/2018 13:54

Well done OP! It's hard work by the end of the holidays. Enjoy the day. I wouldn't overly dwell on one remark.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/06/2018 13:55

Good it looks as if you’ve all got what you want then.

Hellsbells - a little kid calling their parent mean isn’t horrible and apology isn’t a “must”. . Some children aren’t very good at verbally apologising and do it in other ways. Or by showing their parent they love them.

Original poster

Mailfuckoff · 04/06/2018 13:55

Yes he did, by himself with no promptingwhen he had a chance to think about it

OP posts:

MrsPreston11 · 04/06/2018 13:58

So you're not going to play/swim etc with your children now you've got them to the beach? Just read your book and then head home?

TheStoic · 04/06/2018 14:05

So you're not going to play/swim etc with your children now you've got them to the beach? Just read your book and then head home?

Oh, enough with the sanctimony for Christ’s sake. Even mothers get to have a break every now and then.

IamaBluebird · 04/06/2018 14:30

Enjoy your day at the beach. Half hours read then a nice cooling paddle .

PickAChew · 04/06/2018 15:53

She's not going to play with them? The kids are 8, not 2! They don't need to spend a full day doing parent led activities.

IamaBluebird · 04/06/2018 16:05

It's usually me pinching the kids buckets and spades. Love building sand castles.

bluebeck · 04/06/2018 16:33

Have a great time! And no squabbling allowed on the way home!

Highhorse1981 · 04/06/2018 17:38

*mespreston11

so you’re not going to play with your children...

MrsP you wrote this a few weeks ago.

I'm excited to finally have a child and husband free day to catch up on my housework and emails.

Any reasonable friend would understand that adults need some alone time. Don't stress it. X

Clearly you’re not a “reasonable friend”

AlonsosLeftPinky · 04/06/2018 19:11

Yes but enjoying child free time is usually done when you're actually child free, not on a family day out.

All seems like a huge overreaction to me.

Highhorse1981 · 04/06/2018 20:00

Not sure about your 8 year olds, but whilst my 8 year old DS loves me reading with him and the occasional puzzle - at the beach, having his mum “play” with him would fold limted appeal. And I suspect same for OP’s 8 year old son.

BedtimeTea · 05/06/2018 06:30

Glad to hear everything all worked out.

MrsPreston11 · 05/06/2018 07:11

Highhorse1981

*mespreston11

so you’re not going to play with your children...

MrsP you wrote this a few weeks ago.

I'm excited to finally have a child and husband free day to catch up on my housework and emails.

Any reasonable friend would understand that adults need some alone time. Don't stress it. X

Clearly you’re not a “reasonable friend”

———

GMAB

Clearly there’s a very big difference between ignoring your kids on a day out you’ve planned for them. And having a child free day (where my kids actually were out having a nice time with their Dad)

Itspatheticreally · 05/06/2018 08:11

Ignoring?

As far as I can see the op was sitting their reading whilst her children played.

Itspatheticreally · 05/06/2018 08:12

Ignoring is when someone tries to talk to you but you resolutely look a way and don’t engage

The Op doesn’t say she was doing that

I often bring a book when I do a day trip. They play, i read, but I’m present when they want to show me something / interact

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/06/2018 10:35

Well done Mail. I'm glad you all got your day out. We've all been there. All the best. Nothing wrong with reading on the beach either, and your DS apologised, which is nice. All the best.

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