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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling a Little bit left out

85 replies

Italwaysworksitselfout · 03/06/2018 22:25

Mil has just said to me about BIL and STBSIL's wedding..... "the family/wedding party photos are to be taken at such a time... as you are in neither category then there is a list of photos that you can chose from to have some photos done" I'm actually quite upset as I thought I was part of the family having been married to DH 12 years and having 2 dds .... Apparently not 🤔

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 03/06/2018 22:27

So DH and your mutual children will be in photos and you won't?

AhhhhThatsBass · 03/06/2018 22:27

That’s very odd. Your MILs definition of family is different to most people’s. What does your DH think of this?

Oldraver · 03/06/2018 22:29

Surely it's up to BIL and future SIL who is in photo's ? Has this come from them ? If it hasn't them do they know MIL is poking her nose in ?

Tiredemma · 03/06/2018 22:30

Is she normally so lacking in tact?

JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 22:30

Didn’t we have a similar thread recently where a MIL was not inviting her DIL to her wedding ceremony as it was for “blood family only”? I can’t believe more than one person thinks like this!

What do the Bride and Groom say? It’s their choice, none of MIL’s business.

JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 22:32

Yes and I would hope your DH would put his foot down and refuse to be in the pics without you. You might also want to ask MIL if this means that she doesn’t consider STBSIL to be joining the family on her wedding day then?

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 03/06/2018 22:32

I understand why people do this. Blood relatives will be blood relatives forever whereas in laws are dependant on their relationship.

If you want your wedding pictures up in your house and one of the couple's in it breaks up then gets a new partner it's then awkward to have the picture up.

No reflection on how they feel about you at all Flowers

JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 22:34

Rightyho Buzz so you’d not have the happy couple’s parents in the pic then? Hmm

caroline161 · 03/06/2018 22:37

My MIL said I couldn't be in the funeral car of FIL as it was family only. Never mind that I saw him everyday before he died did all his washing as she had given up on him. I also went to pick her up when I heard he was dying and I drove her there so she could be with him. But still not allowed in the car.

nokidshere · 03/06/2018 22:37

I understand why people do this. Blood relatives will be blood relatives forever whereas in laws are dependant on their relationship.

If you want your wedding pictures up in your house and one of the couple's in it breaks up then gets a new partner it's then awkward to have the picture up.

No reflection on how they feel about you at all

What a crock of shit

Are people really so shallow and stupid?

BlueTrousers · 03/06/2018 22:39

How odd
What has your DH said?

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 22:43

Is your DH in the same boat or not?

Certainly to me a wife of 12 years and mother to two granddaughters counts as family!

sparklefluff · 03/06/2018 22:45

Well, that's pretty dickish. YANBU app.

sparklefluff · 03/06/2018 22:45

Well, that's pretty dickish. YANBU app.

sparklefluff · 03/06/2018 22:45

Well, that's pretty dickish. YANBU app.

sparklefluff · 03/06/2018 22:46

No idea why that posted 3 times, sorry!

sparklefluff · 03/06/2018 22:46

No idea why that posted 3 times, sorry!

sparklefluff · 03/06/2018 22:46

Oh ffs

WhiskeySourpuss · 03/06/2018 22:48

I kinda agree with Buzz.

My mum doesn't have any family pics of her wedding on display as none of my elder step brothers & step sister are with the same partner one brother has had 4 partners since then so when she wanted new pics done she made a point of requesting only having her children & grandchildren with no partners in the pics... long story short younger brother brought along his now ex-wife & mum has lovely pics of me & my kids and older brother & his kids on display but not one of younger brother & his kids as his ex-wife was in all the pics & he now has a new partner who is very insecure & whinged about it.

She also has a pile of expensively framed pics from mine & younger brothers weddings in the attic Blush

BlueTrousers · 03/06/2018 22:49

sparklefluff Grin

Original poster
Italwaysworksitselfout · 03/06/2018 22:49

Mil and DH are actually really upset but I'm going for lunch tomorrow with mil tomorrow where I think she might try and talk it through. The wedding is abroad and the plans incorporate the wedding party but not me and the kids. It's as if we are a completely seperate entity... Is this normal?

OP posts:
Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 22:50

Divorces are part of modern life. Isolating and excluding people's partners and family events just in case they split up in the future and 'ruin wedding photos' as a result is utterly crazy!

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 22:51

OP are you the only partner being treated this way?

Slitherout · 03/06/2018 22:51

Regardless of what an offensive idea that is (as PP said does that mean MIL & FIL shouldn't be in a pic together?) you are blood family anyway! You're related to DHs kids by blood who are related to him by blood and so on, so tell her to take a running jump!

BlueTrousers · 03/06/2018 22:53

No this is absolutely not normal OP!

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