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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling a Little bit left out

85 replies

Italwaysworksitselfout · 03/06/2018 22:25

Mil has just said to me about BIL and STBSIL's wedding..... "the family/wedding party photos are to be taken at such a time... as you are in neither category then there is a list of photos that you can chose from to have some photos done" I'm actually quite upset as I thought I was part of the family having been married to DH 12 years and having 2 dds .... Apparently not 🤔

OP posts:
RafikiIsTheBest · 03/06/2018 22:54

I can see how it is hurtful but totally agree with Buzz
**I understand why people do this. Blood relatives will be blood relatives forever whereas in laws are dependant on their relationship.

If you want your wedding pictures up in your house and one of the couple's in it breaks up then gets a new partner it's then awkward to have the picture up.

No reflection on how they feel about you at all flowers**

Coconut0il · 03/06/2018 22:55

Just based on your two posts, I wouldn't go. If it's like this already it'll only get worse.

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 22:55

You can have a set of photos taken with partners and one without without making people feel shit by claiming they aren't family.

I did it at my wedding, we had all sorts of permutations of relatives.

Original poster
Italwaysworksitselfout · 03/06/2018 22:57

I am the only partner on bil's side and me and DH have 2 dds. Dd is 16 and dd2 is 1 (a very miraculous and wanted baby) but I'm confused as to why we have been completely left out

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 22:57

What’s MIL upset about? Do you mean that this is your BIL’s decision and she disagrees but is the messenger?

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 22:58

Sounds odd OP, does the STBSIL have any siblings, how are their families been treated.

Claiming your SIL and neices aren't family really is a poor show.

AdaColeman · 03/06/2018 22:58

Well I've never heard of that, what a horrible thing to say to you. What mean spirited, nasty people. I don't think I'd be going at all, and neither would my children.

Ginger1982 · 03/06/2018 22:58

So your kids aren't allowed in the pictures either?? That is weird. And I don't agree with Buzz at all. 12 years and 2 kids doesn't qualify you? Shocking.

hoopdeloop · 03/06/2018 22:58

I had similar at my BIL’s wedding. I’m in the group shot at the edge and in some other pictures but there wasn’t one taken with my DH (his brother) and our DS with the couple. I found it a bit odd but kept it to myself because I thought some people aren’t a fan of family pics etc. Then I saw their wedding photos with siblings from SIL’s family and then I realised it was just us Grin

I don’t think you’re BU at all to feel upset

RafikiIsTheBest · 03/06/2018 22:59

Parents of the bride and groom are different, they will always be their parents. Parent's new partners though are another that some don't count as family.

I wouldn't want people in my wedding photos up on my walls that I don't have any contact at all with any more or that cause offence to relatives and/or their new partners. My family is forever chopping and changing partners.

JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 23:00

I find it ridiculous that people are suggesting that wedding pics featuring parents at the time of the wedding have to be taken down when a new partner comes on the scene. If you are unable to cope with the idea of your partner having had a previous wife/husband then you are pathetically immature and should not be dating.

JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 23:01

“Partners” not “parents”.

MadMags · 03/06/2018 23:02

I’m confused. Will your dc be in any pictures??

PartyAnxiety · 03/06/2018 23:02

Did she perhaps mean family as in the immediate family growing up (e.g. siblings and parents)? If not I think that it is a little unkind. Growing up I had uncles and aunts and never distinguished between blood relatives or otherwise. Even if you and DH were to split up you've been married and part of the family for 12 years so it isn't like you'd be a strange girlfriend who no one could remember lurking in the photo.

BlueTrousers · 03/06/2018 23:04

People don’t really put the group shots from weddings up on their walls though do they? I’ve never seen any in any house I’ve been in
Maybe a picture of the bride & groom, and/or with their children
But I’ve never seen anyone’s group shots unless in an album Confused

JessieMcJessie · 03/06/2018 23:06

Pinkball my in laws have the family group shots from all their 3 kids’ weddings in frames on tables in their living room. My 20 month DS absolutely loves getting us to tell him everyone’s names in them.

MaggieFS · 03/06/2018 23:07

I think it sounds strange but hard to know without seeing the full list they've given to their photographer of what they want.

I'd consider normal to be one which includes you and DD and and probably also one which doesn't, if the only people in it are PIL, BIL, SIL and DH. Or even not even have SIL in it! Back to their 'original family'

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/06/2018 23:10

What do they mean exactly by family/wedding party? Is it parents, bride and groom, best man, bridesmaids etc. Does it include all the siblings but no partners?

Original poster
Italwaysworksitselfout · 03/06/2018 23:11

I am going to be in the group 'aunties, uncles and grown up cousins' but not immediate family as they only want the bridal party in the main photos. My DH is gutted as he is now thinking me and the 2 girls may have a seat at the very back table next to the toilets as we have a baby...... Me and Sil aren't close but I thought we were friends to some degree

OP posts:
WhiskeySourpuss · 03/06/2018 23:11

My dad has a pic of me & my siblings from my wedding on display - it was rare to have all 6 of us together & my sister in anything other than trackies and as my younger brother passed away 4 months later it's the only pic he has of us all together as adults... if we'd had partners in the pic too he'd not have that pic & not a single one of us are with the partner we were with then.

Daddystepdaddy · 03/06/2018 23:12

Is your DH best man?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/06/2018 23:13

So who will be in the photos?

Aeroflotgirl · 03/06/2018 23:16

That is really rude, you are part of the family, you are married to dh. Very rude couple, I would say don't bother, I don't want to be in any photos then.

Original poster
Italwaysworksitselfout · 03/06/2018 23:18

daddy yes he is bm. I'm just so confused about this. Pil are really upset about the whole thing as it seems I and my girls are being kept completely out of things???? It's not my wedding and they can do it however they choose but it's just a bit hurtful 😔

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/06/2018 23:20

AT least you have the support of your PIL, that's the main thing, they are being absolute idiots. I bet they would not like it, if they were treated that way.

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