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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 3.5 MILES is a bloody long way?.

76 replies

Flappypants · 03/06/2018 20:25

STBXH has been dick swinging today. He took our DC 5 and nearly 2 to a national trust property this morning and was very proud of DS walking 3.5 MILES
He's a child who isn't physically as able as others his age...even the baby is faster and more able in certain areas than he is...and he came home for me to take over absolutely shattered. He was EXHAUSTED and was beside himself. Had the mother of all meltdowns and started hitting me on my face. My heart died for him all because stupid DH wabted to challenge him physically and make him stronger. DS is hypermobile, has flat feet, a genetic condition and is just not like other children.

And STBXH wants a fucking medal for it. And sent me an email saying he plans on big walks and regular trips to trampoline parks (DS is nearly 6 and cannot do a two footed jump. Can't hop. Can't stand on one leg. Can't do any of these things). I get what he's saying but he's just cockswinging and throwing his weight around and using the DC to do it. He's been disengaged and disinterested and is only now lovebombig the DC with toys and time and attention because we are getting a divorce.

OP posts:

user546425732 · 03/06/2018 20:29

WIthout knowing your child, how could we possibly say?

KittyVonCatsworth · 03/06/2018 20:29

How long to walk 3.5 miles? If it was within an hour I would say it might be a bit much for a little un, although it won’t do any harm to them but if it was over 2 hours then it’s just moseying IMO. I think you could be Being unreasonable. Better than sitting indoors watching the shite on TV.

sue51 · 03/06/2018 20:30

YANBU. Hypermobile people should take extra care to avoid pain and dislocation. Your ex needs educating in his child's condition. No medal for him.

smellyhouseelf · 03/06/2018 20:31

That’s awful, and the sort of thing my ex would do. Just because he can. I hope your Son is feeling better. Make a note of this in your diary. You need to keep track of incidents like this as evidence to show he doesn’t parent your son well. It’s abuse to treat a child that way. One thing to push them to do their best and get stronger, quite another to force them beyond their physical capabilities.

KittyVonCatsworth · 03/06/2018 20:33

Sorry, missed the hypermobility part.

NotARegularPenguin · 03/06/2018 20:34

Maybe such activity will help improve his stamina and coordination? I don’t know why being hyper mobile or having flat feet would hold him back? You don’t say what the genetic condition is so Hard to say really.

Bambamber · 03/06/2018 20:35

He's not entirely wrong that making him stronger may help. However physical activity should be appropriate and slowly built up over time. A trampoline park for someone with hypermobility is beyond stupid.

I wonder If he has read for heard somewhere that building strength can help, But hasn't taken it in the correct context and isn't thinking it through properly

NotARegularPenguin · 03/06/2018 20:35

I admit the only thing I know about hypermobility is that my neighbours teenager has it and I see her in the gym all the time. She says working out helps.....not sure why.

icelollycraving · 03/06/2018 20:35

Good God, that sounds misplaced knowledge at best, a bit abisive at worst. Is he doing it do that you accompany them?
Divorce makes some people nuts, my dad lost the plot entirely when Mum divorced him.
Does he attend medical meetings with you and your ds? Only you can know if he’s being a bit chest beaty or just cuntish,

NotARegularPenguin · 03/06/2018 20:36

Ok, trampolining might be a shit idea. But walking could be good. Can you get your GP to write a letter saying that trampolining would be bad?

hibbledibble · 03/06/2018 20:37

Without knowing your dc it is very difficult to comment.

For a physically able child that is a totally reasonable amount to walk in a day. I don't know your DC's needs so I can't comment for them.

My only thought would be that is he doing this because he is denial about your DC's additional needs?

gamerchick · 03/06/2018 20:38

Well it's a 45 minute walk but if he has issues with his joints it'll affect him. He'll probably be hurting, stiff and tired tomorrow poor little mite.

Racecardriver · 03/06/2018 20:38

Well I mean that really isn't far and it is good that at least he is trying to get your son fitter but he probably doesn't understand why it is a problem (I certainly don't). A father shouldn't need this explained to him but you probably should get a doctor or someone to talk to him about it. Instead of being passed off about him trying to help your son it may be worth helping him understand your son's needs a bit better.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 03/06/2018 20:39

Needs to be built up slowly rather then all at once.

EggysMom · 03/06/2018 20:39

Our 8yo cannot do a two-footed jump from the floor, out in the garden etc - but he can do it on a trampoline! So maybe it would be good for your littl'un to go to a trampoline park - perhaps check out any disability/specialist sessions, as these are less crowded (and more forgiving!)

LifeBeginsAtGin · 03/06/2018 20:42

It's an empty threat. It's made you angry so he's happy. It won't last and your STBXH will soon lose interest. Don't rise to it.

sue51 · 03/06/2018 20:42

Can you persuade ex that an activity like swimming will be beneficial as opposed to trampolining or brisk walking that put pressure on his joints. Does your D.C. have eds along with hypermobility?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 03/06/2018 20:43

I don't know, OP. I'm fairly well-versed with hypermobility and different kids can manage different things and there is definitely an argument for trying to build strength and endurance. My littlest one can walk 3 miles (slowly, with a couple of breaks) with no problems, for example.

I know your DS was exhausted at the end, but did he enjoy parts of it as well? Did he ask to stop or was he enjoying it at the time? IS there any chance that your STBX was trying to do a good thing here? Are you 100% that his intentions aren't good? I think it's just seems a weird thing to 'cockswing' about, I suppose!

He's been disengaged and disinterested and is only now lovebombig the DC with toys and time and attention because we are getting a divorce

Not necessarily the toys, but if your STBX is giving your children time and attention, that's a good thing, even though you're unhappy with his approach today.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 03/06/2018 20:44

3.5 miles isn’t far to answer your question, however I don’t know your son, only you do.

LiteratureAbsorption · 03/06/2018 20:44

I assume he sees a physio? Can you get them and GP to speak to him? My DS couldn't do any of those things at 5 (has SN and just learnt how to hop at 8

CloudCaptain · 03/06/2018 20:45

Hard to say really. Do you have any advice from medical professionals on how best to treat your sons hypermobility and other issues?
My 2yo and 4yo can easily manage a 3.5mile walk in less than an hour, but they have no physical disabilities.
Sounds like stbxh could do with attending some medical appointments with your son...

Rollercoaster1920 · 03/06/2018 20:48

Mumsnet aggression kicks in again.

Take a breath, and think why your partner thinks this was a good thing? I suspect he did it because he thought it was a good thing for your child. Not to have a go at you!

Parents have different ways of parenting, sounds like you both need to listen to each other more.

BackforGood · 03/06/2018 20:49

Agree with everyone else. none of us can say regards your ds's combination of conditions, but 3.5 miles over half a day really isn't a lot to walk.
If your physio is saying they shouldn't, then that is different, but, just going on what you've posted.....

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/06/2018 20:51

Has your son seen a physiotherapist and been given advice about what exercise is suitable for him? He will need this for school if he has to avoid fairly normal activities, and in general you need to know how to improve his muscle tone safely.

Maybe if you can show this to your ex he can at least direct his super-parenting energies usefully.

CaitlynsCat · 03/06/2018 20:52

LTB

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