To think 3.5 MILES is a bloody long way?.

[Flappypants]

STBXH has been dick swinging today. He took our DC 5 and nearly 2 to a national trust property this morning and was very proud of DS walking 3.5 MILES
He's a child who isn't physically as able as others his age...even the baby is faster and more able in certain areas than he is...and he came home for me to take over absolutely shattered. He was EXHAUSTED and was beside himself. Had the mother of all meltdowns and started hitting me on my face. My heart died for him all because stupid DH wabted to challenge him physically and make him stronger. DS is hypermobile, has flat feet, a genetic condition and is just not like other children.

And STBXH wants a fucking medal for it. And sent me an email saying he plans on big walks and regular trips to trampoline parks (DS is nearly 6 and cannot do a two footed jump. Can't hop. Can't stand on one leg. Can't do any of these things). I get what he's saying but he's just cockswinging and throwing his weight around and using the DC to do it. He's been disengaged and disinterested and is only now lovebombig the DC with toys and time and attention because we are getting a divorce.

^ I think that the key thing really. Gently does it, to begin with.

Just to qualify the trampolining before people tell me the physio was wrong she has exercises to do on the trampoline because it's an unsteady surface and everything has to work that little bit harder.

Little Owl Hi fellow zebra 😀

That's true, my son had a wobble board for the same reason. It's fine to do in a controlled way, and of course, even hypermobile peeps are all different.
The main thing for us was/is the gentle start to any activity and building up over time. Your physio knows your DC and what's best.

Walking is about the only exercise I can do that doesn’t mess with my hypermobile joints (Ehlers Danlos type 3). I’m constantly being told by physio that building up strength in the muscles will help them support the joints. BUT if DS isn’t used to walking such a distance then it isn’t good at all. He needs to build up his stamina and strength bit by bit not suddenly yomp over 3 miles.

I find walking really makes my legs ache a lot. Always. No matter how regularly I do it my thigh muscles always burn and feel tired. So I really feel for poor DS suddenly being taken on a walk that is much longer than he’s used to. That’s not using any common sense and showing no understanding of how hypermobility affects DS. I’m suspecting he did it in a misguided by well meaning attempt to help DS but it was pretty stupid,

My son gets do easily pushed around in soft play and busy playgrounds. He can't do the rough and tumble. Can't run well and definitely not fast. Balance is a problem.

I have LTB. He's an.abudibe controlling narc who has made my life hell and out us in danger and groped my tits and in between my legs in front of the children and not spoken to me if I habe resisted. Some of you may have come across me from my posts about him driving at 130mph in Germany wuth DS in the front and baby DD and I in the back and him.hitting the roof when I said I was uncomfortable about him driving the children. He went completely nuts at me.

Trying to work out an exit strategy as living in the same house is hell. DS gets angry and hits himself. Gets upset and last night cried because he was worried aboit him (DS) and me dying...

I doubt that a 2 yo can manage a 3.5 mile walk in less than an hour, let alone easily and regularly.

The average adult walking speed is ~3mph. A speed of 4mph is 'brisk' for an adult.

(en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walking)

Abusive controlling narc sorry

Op it sounds awful that your poor boy is upset. Of course your ex should not be suddenly making your son do exercise without discussing it with you and / or a doctor or physio. There should be a plan in place and if you're already goi g to physio it sounds like you've got it covered.

I hope he sleeps well tonight and isn't in any pain.

With the medical conditions you really need to follow medical advice but I think you're disproportionately annoyed at your ex. He thought he was doing something good and felt it went well. Annoyingly you have to deal with the consequences so get medical advice. It must be really hard if an afternoon wondering round a nt property is too much (genuinely no clue how I'd entertain dc every weekend as easily).

In response to the poster who said I think 3.5 miles is a long way for any 5 yr old child.

Seriously? Last year my 5yo twins walked 22 miles one day then 19 miles the next in New York. I'll admit that day 3 they were shattered and had a 3 hour long afternoon nap but that was with jet lag and a late night thrown in. 3.5 miles is perfectly fine for a 5yo with no medical conditions (but then it never occurred to me 3yos would need push chairs at Euro Disney as they'd stopped using them at 2.5. They walked fine all 3 days but everyone else seemed to be squeezing big dc into umbrella fold pushchairs).

Op that's horrible. I don't know how divorce works but is there any way your solicitor could stipulate that your son is only to follow a plan written by a professional?

Mixed responses here, shows how different children vary so much.

I have three (out of 4) hypermobile kids... two have classic Ehlers Danlos, one a variant (possibly but not confirmed, Myopathic type)

The oldest could have walked that at 5... but would have been in a lot of pain the next day. The next child couldn't have managed..end of. The youngest was in a wheelchair outside the house at 5.. he was wearing afos (leg splints) from toddlerhood... his older sister is now too.

We didn't baby any of them, but were aware of their limits... ds2 doesn't need a wheelchair now, tho he does have to wear afos and his fatigue levels can be bad. His sisters who seemed more able when younger are now is a much worse state, multiple dislocations, internal problems , crippling fatigue... under a ton of specialists.

Everyone is different. Kids can be just hpermobile... or they can also have weak muscle tone (which sounds like the Op's son) which is a different ball game and not something you can build up overnight.

We did have a trampoline tho.. our physio recommended it to help DS2 with balance and the kids all loved it even tho, yes there were a few dislocations over the years!

It sounds like the STBXH doesn't 'get' it but is sort of trying to do the stuff that is good for typical kids!

None of us know if it was too far for him. And I am very much of the they need ancjance to build it up and try camp.

Do be careful not to create an issue the other way with a “he cant” attitude. It’s hard but there is a balance to be found which works for the child.

YANBU. My DB is 5, has a genetic condition also, as well as hEDS, hypotonia and sensory needs.

My parents are divorced and my father does the exact same thing. Walks him for miles and miles and miles, totally exhausts him and then sods off all proud of himself whilst we deal with a little boy having overwhelmed meltdowns, waking in the night with joint pains etc.
I get it, I get how infuriating it is.

I get you OP, YANBU. Extremely unfair of him to have pushed DS like that. Next time there will be emotional fall out because DS will associate trips out with Daddy with being pushed beyond his limits, and that will be a difficult association to break.

A trampoline park for someone with hypermobility is beyond stupid.

My 3.5yo loves it. It isn't the greatest idea but he does enjoy it and begs to go.

Oh I'm all for a can do attitude. I'm a former international athlete and an exercise professional (think Yoga/Pilates) and understand all too well the differences in individuals and I never want my DS to feel left out or tgat he just can't join in. My issue here is pushing him top hard knowing how tired he gets and knowing that he isn't coping with this atmosphere at home which I don't believe DH is seeing because kids hide a lot and hold it together until they feel safe and comfortable.

Me, Dd14 and DS11 have hypermobility. DS could handle walking that far but Dd can only walk about 10 minutes before nearly crying because her feet hurt! My Mum and Dad don't always understand either and take them for long walks. She gets very upset! Your STBXH is way out of order, Dd can handle about 15 minutes of trampoling though.

And I agree with you Floorboards about associations. But STBXH buys toys so those will outweigh it maybe. Good old fashioned bribery.

Hi op

I read your other thread, he really is a prize twat isn’t he

You’ve been advised before and no doubt will be again by others, stop delaying and get out!

I and both my kids are hyper mobile, I’ve dislocated and had surgical repair to my wrist so was better placed to protect my kids

Even so dds physio said exercise trampoline for core stability yes, big play trampoline absolutely not

The only way to protect your son is to exit swiftly and have controlled access for this selfish excuse of a father

Ask your DS if his feet hurt when he walks and if they do when they start hurting.

Would your sbxh listen if your DS told him his feet were hurting?

Schroedingers I am planning an exit but am very worried about the consequences for me and the DC...what if I leave and a court orders me to come back and we are back in this awful house with this man I have come to hate?? I am going to try and get a school place for DS near my mum and then just go. And commit to regular contact but not this awful situation we are in now. Just so scared.

Tbh bribery might not be a bad thing if it reduces the likelihood of DS kicking off when he has to go out eith exH. It would be awful if DS got told off or punished when he didn’t want to go (assuming I’m barking up the right tree) because he wouldn’t be able to learn from last time - it would just heighten the emotional negativity.

On the school place front what have local authority said? I think there is a ruling about finding a child a place within a certain distance of home if they move address... this means they can go over 30 class but only in ks2 i think... would help next year - and you can get involved in the infant junior transfer season i gurss anyway - but dont leave it that long to get out. How far is your mum from his current school? Is it commutable?

what if I leave and a court orders me to come back and we are back in this awful house with this man I have come to hate??

No court can do that. They cannot force you to stay with him against your will.

Frankly I think you should just go to your mums, then sort out schools when you get there. And get some legal advice ASAP as it sounds like you havent had any and need some reassurance about your rights.