To feel I’ve wasted my life

[WaitingForSunday17]

I have never achieved anything. All my friends have good jobs and went to university.
I am mid 30s - so old for a career now anyway - and have done nothing with my life. I have a chronic health condition, which is no excuse, but is at least part of the reason why I’ve achieved so little. It’s left room for not much else at times.
I have two children, I have stayed at home with them and my youngest is now 2 and a half.
I’m feeling so old and depressed. I feel I have no worth as a person and add nothing of any value to society. Also I’m boring. I mean I’m a sahm who has done nothing, ever, which is pretty dull. On the rare occasions I go out socially and don’t say very much because I’ve got nothing of any interest to anyone else to say and also it’s clear that I’m the massive failure of the group.

Aibu to think I’ve wasted my life and now it’s too late?

OP, I'm racing out, so my reply is brief, but I changed career at 43 and it was the best move I ever made. I would have been rubbish at it before!

I'm planning another change in my 50's. Mid-30's is very young. DOn't talk yourself out of giving yourself opportunities!

Good luck.

Hi OP, I'm currently a mature university student who decided to pursue a degree at the age of 36, I know plenty of other mature students in their 30s/40s/50s/60s and even 70s who also decided to take the plunge and make a change for themselves.

Mid-30s is definitely not too old to start a career! Why not start by looking at your local college to see if they have any part-time or short courses you might be interested in? My sister-in-law has 7 year old twins and she's just completed a short college course in local history to give her a taster of getting back into education.

Good Luck!

No - career - but you were a teacher! There are lots of skills there you could use in your next career. Several people I know do tutoring - there is quite a market even "just" for primary Maths and English. Or there is exam marking - I know Cambridge Exam board recruits people to mark Primary level exams which they sell to overseas schools - at least in Maths, English, Geography and Science. They prefer people with 3 years teaching experience but have taken on some people without any teaching experience, so you could be ideal.

And long term, spending quality time with your DC is really valuable - whereas some with high power careers may regret spending so much time in the office.

I agree with others - you are not worthless. You’ve achieved a lot when you take your health into consideration.
What makes you happy? Are you able to join a club or group to do something you enjoy?
Can you book any events to look forward to?
I agree that keeping yourself informed by reading and listening to radio and podcasts help keeps things interesting too.

How very sad that we live in an age when being a mother is so devalued that you really think you have done nothing. Tragic
Agree with this

You are BU. You are mid 30s, not ancient. You've hopefully got a lot more of this life to live. Stop writing yourself off before you've even begun.

Think of what would make you happy and go for it. Grab it by the balls.

You are the most important person in your children's life. Try to see yourself through their eyes. Every day you do something worthwhile by raising your children.

I am mid 30's and have the "career" but I would much rather be a sahm. I hate having the worry of them when I am at work. My dh who is also mid 30's had no career as such and he is now back studying part time so it's never too late to have a career so don't be so hard on yourself. I don't know how many times this year I have cried going to work because my kids have been upset that I am leaving. The grass is not always greener, you are getting to bring your kids up how you want to bring them up without external influences so be proud of yourself. You are giving your kids so much more than money can give them.

You need to change your narrative.

Your achievements are:

• you qualified as a teacher
• you grew, birthed and are caring for 2 children
• you are living with a chronic health condition.

Now, you can carry on telling yourself how rubbish you are, or reframe how you see yourself/your life by recognising quite how well you are doing.

There's more to life to a 'career' - do something you are really into!

And as to 'too old'?? Feck that! Yes, you are too old to become an olympic gymnast (my benchmark for everything ), but you can do Stuff - find something that excites you and Do It. The 'I'm too old' cop out really annoys me unless competing in the Olympics as a gymnast is your ambition, in that case, you're stuffed

I have ms and have achieved nothing since having dd, as I'd been far too ill until recently. I am currently girding my loins in preparation for a visit to the Job Centre (I am actually terrifed!).

Before I became ill, I had achieved a lot in avrious fields, and in my mid thirties I went to Uni and was on the cusp of achieving quite a lot, but was struck by ms so that put paid to that!

Look, Waiting what you have achieved is phenomenal! You are bringing up two children in the face of ill-health, and when you're really unwell it is so much harder to do than it is for anyone else.

You actually still young enough to turn things right around. Think about training for something. You can do it, you know, you have lots of time. You could even leave it until your youngest is at school, and it still wouldn't be too late.

Op you have acheived things! I feel like i have acheived nothing. Im nearly 30. Am single have no kids i desperatly want. Ive never travelled i dont own a home and cant afford to rent. I dont have a career or even a full time job. My lifes a shambles i have no friends. But you have acheived and you still will. Life is only wasted if you die having never attempted to change the status quo.

It's never too late. I stàrted a degree at 34 years old. Just think - you've probably got another 40 years to go before you pop your clogs - what are you going to do with that time? Sit around, bored and feeling sorry for yourself, or study, work and build a new life???

Go and do a night class at college for a new career/skill. If you say no or make an excuse to that then you're just wallowing and need to get a grip.

My Mum totally retrained at 42 and was top of her field in the NHS by 52. She's 67 now and still going strong.

Anyone can do anything.

Unfortuantly you have one shot at life. You need to sort it out now. I have anxiety etc. It doesn't help to feel sorry for yourself.

Sometimes when it’s time for you to evolve and move onto the next chapter, life makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to the point of feeling like how you do now, like utter shite. But maybe take it as a chance to try something new, go back into education, change careers etc. Take a risk. You can either feel like shit for the rest of your life or start exploring the dreams you have, it’s never too late. You feel uncomfortable now but something amazing could be around the corner!

Anyone can do anything

Well now, that's just not true is it. Op has already mentioned she has a health condition.

Lots you can do

Find an evening pottery class to go to just you and just paint pots..is so therapeutic and lovely.

Read more books
Find a new fitness class but a good one not a crappy mass gym one. Kick boxing or proper yoga
Go on a city break by yourself..just go to London and roam.around
I.am.30 with 2 children... it's hard and tough and isolating. Things will get easier and soon they'll be bigger and more able to come on bigger adventures with you.

Go on UK holidays to random places.as.much as possible. Go to stay in an air bnb by the coast for a week. Enjoy your little ones!

'Comparison is the thief of joy' , so said someone much more intelligent than me.

We all get led down different paths, some of us get pushed down rocky and slippery ones, some lucky ones get smooth and straight ones. The trick is to look out for the flowers here and there and beautiful bits of scenery we pass. We might even find a new path which will take us off the beaten track of we look hard enough. Sounds corny but helps me sometimes .

I am mid 30s - so old for a career now anyway

You could live another 60 odd years!! My nana is 90!

I do agree with other posters that it's possible that you might be depressed- do you think so?

Mid-thirties is young and you can start training towards a career when you want to. I'm 30 and I really haven't achieved anything- I haven't even had kids yet BUT that doesn't mean that I have no inherent value, no skills and no scope for improving my life.

You just need to identify who you want be and what you want to do. At 35ish you might regret some of the choices that you made at 18, but at 45 you do not need to regret the choices you made now!

You have created and cared for two babies !!! I'm on Mat leave with 1 dd and f*ck me looking after her & trying to keep on top of the house is a full time job+overtime!!

You're amazing and don't think otherwise

If you're feeling lost as you, then maybe try and take up a hobby? Or a part time job? The space away from just being mummy will do you good!! Xx

YABU. Though I could have wrote your post last year, My youngest is now 3.5 and I am fully convinced unless you get back to work early you feel doomed hanging out with DC.

DC2 was a difficult baby, I did start a new job when he was 4 months, I lost it when he was 1 as I couldn't concentrate.

Most of my friends have degrees, Masters great jobs and I have stayed behind, through illness and opportunity. As I have not been working etc those friendships have been drifting anyway, but I am ok plodding forward alone, Even admitting that helped me drop lots of stress.

I've set myself a goal of a career change, nothing fancy but rewarding as a dementia carer. I am similar age to you, There are lots of short courses to help get into a job, it doesn't have to be high flying.

I started to paint my nails, tidy my hair, be nicer to myself again a few months back and also acknowledge my 2DCs. It is shit when life is mundane and shit, take small steps to regain your confidence, another year and life will be totally different.

I started a new career at 42. It's never too late and certainly not too late in your mid thirties. I also have a chronic health condition and it's been difficult but nit impossible if you really want to do it. Having said that raising children is enough of an achievement in life if that's what you want. You are not a failure!!

Start again. Find out what you want to do. Do a course

www.coursera.org/

I felt a bit past it at 30, was unhappy with the job I'd qualified for, but then took a course in a subject I'd always loved. I am still doing a similar job, but am working in this subject area now, and am much happier.

Picture yourself in ten years time when your kids are more independent. What do you see yourself doing?