What would you think if

[reddingtn]

Your normally sweet DP became angry and resentful when drunk?

We don't live together and he's currently on holiday. I did something to cause a big argument (nothing like cheating or anything but it is a 'red line' for him) but he wanted to get past it when he was back and so do I.

Things are fine during the day. We text and and have a laugh and he's free to do what he wants - no controlling behaviour my end.

The thing is, at night he's getting drunk and his behaviour changes. He starts off sulky and it then escalates to accusations of cheating. I try not to rise to it as it's ridiculous - I don't go out or even have any male friends. His messages are bitter and resentful, and drunkenly irrational. He's blocked me today for absolutely no reason and told me he'll speak to me when I 'am ready to discuss what I did'. We have discussed it a lot but obviously planned to when he was back too.

Clearly his contempt for me is bubbling up when he drinks. Is it worth letting the dust settle and working it out when he's back, or is he clearly past that point? I'd like to but this 'jekyll and hyde' type behaviour is making me think he's just saying the right things but thinking something else when he's sober.

For clarity, this 'thing' I did isn't a deal breaker, but has caused a rift that has been difficult to work through while he's away.

I couldn't be doing with the drama. Life is so much easier without a part time drunken a**ehole attached

I'd think an arse is an arse is an arse. Leave him to enjoy his holiday and use that time to get your head together. I would end it, personally.

Nope.

“See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!”

“Don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out!”

“And STAY OUT!”

Is what I would be saying to that.
Please tell me you don’t have children together?

Also we need to know what The Thing is so we can still tell you that he’s a job.

It was me who screwed up though. We're normally very happy and he's normally a very happy drunk (doesn't drink often but when he does he usually gets hammered). I would like to see if we can work things out but his resentment/abuse when I can't do anything till he's back anyway is really getting me down.

He sounds like a difficult arse

What did you do?

I'd like to hear what this "red line" thing is- I'm willing to put money on it being something that's pretty much nothing

No, no kids. He's really not a bad guy. I've hurt him and he told me he wants to sort it. It's just when he drinks his 'real' feelings come up and I don't know whether they'll pass when he comes back or whether he really does resent/hate me

Why do you not go out?

It doesn't matter what you did. It's escalated and gets heated when he is drunk. Big red flag. My ex would cause so many arguments when drunk. Over fresh air. It was emotionally draining.

What did you do?

What you did is important for context.
If it was because you served him carrots instead of broccoli then he’s an arsehole.

If it’s because you gave his best friend a blow job then perhaps it’s a different story.

Does he drink a lot?

What did you do?

He’s obviously upset about it still and given he is on holiday and probably having a drink each night is why you are on the receiving end of angry text messages

You’ve made it sound like he’s an abusive drunk when in reality he’s on holiday having a drink and you have done a terrible thing. I suppose that’s why he is doing it

Regardless of what you've done, you're minimising what he's doing and how he's making you feel. His behaviour sounds very controlling. If you want to sort it out, that's up to you, but social occasions where you're waiting for arsehole drunk to put in an appearance are absolutely zero fun.

It's hard to say without knowing what you did. If you've broken his trust, he is struggling to move past it. That doesn't excuse the drunken ranting, but as much as he might want to maybe he can't get past whatever it was. Couples counseling might help if you both want to do it

I say it doesn't matter, because it sounds like he is an arse who has gotten very angry over nothing. But I agree with the others. Depending on what you have done will shine a different light on him.

Ok i will say even though its outing. I drank to excess at home. I am on medication for depression/anxiety but very occasionally get 'episodes' of anxiety which I use alcohol to self medicate. I use it to calm my racing mind and sleep. I don't put myself in danger and this is the first time in a long time that I've done it. I've been sober ever since (10 days) with no problems/cravings despite high stress with this mess. My counsellor has recommended I see my gp for Diazepam etc which I'm doing next week. He doesn't like me drinking as there is a history of drink problems in his family. I'm well aware, as is he, of the hypocrisy of his 'Red line' (no drinking) with me, yet binge drinking himself. That is a whole other thread.

'You’ve made it sound like he’s an abusive drunk when in reality he’s on holiday having a drink and you have done a terrible thing. I suppose that’s why he is doing it'

You've worded it better than me. That's exactly what I mean

Well that settles it. He is a hypocritical, controlling cunt.

So you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

He’s a hypocrite, gets pissed and gets abusive and accuses you of cheating.
All the while he expects you to bow down, tail between your legs and toe his “red line” while he does whatever the hell he wants (including excessive drinking) and treats you like a child “we’ll talk about what you’ve done, later.”

No.

He is a controlling twat and you’re vulnerable and he knows it.

you had a drink?

Now, when he's having a drink he's having a go at you, because you had a drink .

I wouldn't bother, just end it. He will get worse.

I have a theory that people’s real nature comes out when they’re drunk and disinhibited. You can get happy drunks, sad and maudlin drunks, bitter drunks, and angry, nasty and violent drunks.
I would run a mile from a chap who gets like your DP. He sounds resentful, angry, grudge harbouring, controlling and cold hearted. Also, if he “ drinks to get hammered”, rather than just lightly and socially, you could be looking at a grim future with an alcoholic. Do you really want to stay with this chap?

You haven't done a terrible thing and his family's problems are his not yours.

He's a hypocritical arse.