Now, I don't think you "screwed up so badly" at all. OK, so you used alcohol on ONE night, as a crutch, and got blind drunk, but you've realised that wasn't the best thing to do, and have sought help for that.
That should be the end of that, and the only feeling you should have about it, is some remorse, and a promise to yourself that it won't happen again.
Instead, you're constantly telling yourself, and us, that what you did was a truly terrible thing, akin to beating someone up because you didn't like the look on their face or something.
These, to me, sound like HIS words, which he's brainwashed you into believing.
Abusers will be nice sometimes, it's deliberate, so you think that if you just don't do anything to upset them, then you'll get the nice side of them. So you moderate your behaviour, but if they get mad about you for something, (which they will, even if they have to make up something) you then blame yourself, "Oh, it was my fault, I know he doesn't like it when I have a drink/wear make up/forget to iron his shirts" This is what you're doing now, saying he's abusing you because you did a terrible thing, but when you behave yourself, he's really lovely.
NO loveliness makes up for ANY abuse, and no matter how much you twist and contort yourself to try to conform, he will find a reason to beat you with.
I've noticed you still haven't answered the questions about your life before he came on the scene, so I suspect he's isolated you from your friends over time. Maybe if you had some people in real life telling you what we are, you'd listen.
As it is, you're not ready yet, but I hope you do listen soon, because the longer it takes, the more damaged your mental health will become, and the weaker you'll feel. But you'll remember this thread, with everyone warning you, and wish that you'd listened and left him then.