Did you promise to obey your husband?

[peace654]

I had an interesting discussion with my 90 year old nan about the royal wedding. She said she was surprised Meghan didn't promise to obey Harry, and the whole point of marriage is to follow tradition.

I was surprised - she's 90 but always been a feminist for her age at least, she believes in women working outside the home and not putting up with any bullshit. She's always pushed me to be strong and independent. She's not religious either. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage too!

I've only been to a handful of weddings and didn't take much notice of the bows, so I wondered if it was usual for women to promise to obey their husbands nowadays? Do people still do it in order to be traditional?

Oh but, a couple of DH's friends got married in a church that doesn't usually use 'obey' and specifically got it added for their own ceremony. The minister was a bit

We both promised "to love and to serve, as Christ commands". Church wedding 1994.

No. Register office for us.

However I was present at a relative's church wedding where the bride did vow to obey. The bridegroom was Army warrant officer so maybe was used to being obeyed.

Absolutely not! I have been to four or five weddings in the last few years though where the bride has promised to obey. Each time I’m very

We decided to forego the obey vow so I couldn't be called a liar later on

Catholic wedding here and it wasn't part of our vows, I wouldn't have made that promise (having been taught not to lie in general and definitely not in church) and DH would never have accepted it.

Traditional Catholic wedding in 2000 and no bloody chance! I think it was mentioned in a 'I assume you want me to leave that out' kind of way but that was it.

Our female divorced vicar was very keen that my wife said it to me. She said it’s esentially a poor translation and what’s behind it is sound but I can’t remember her whole argument. Didn’t sway my wife. Not said.

It's never been part of the Catholic marriage vows.

Did I fuck.

Anglicans are quite keen on it. I've heard the explanations loads of times, it still boils down to a woman trusting the judgement of her husband over her own. If it's such a swell idea and totally non-sexist, how come they're not pushing the husbands to do it?

I promised to obay when I got married in 1986. Methodist church wedding. Didn’t think to question it!

Fuck no. I also didn't wear white, take his name, wait for a proposal, get given away or any of the other enactments of female subordination

We promised “love, loyalty and trust” in our vows.

Not, not a chance. There was nothing religious in it either. On fact, there was very little of anything that was traditional. My dress wasn't white (it was plum), and I walked down the aisle to Feeling Good by Nina Simone. I did, however, take his name as it didn't really occur to me not to at the time.

I was asked when we were planning the wedding but said no, just love and honour. It absolutely wasn't expected of any wife in the 90s.

No. Got married in the mid 90s and was clear that I wouldn't say that. Had been to other weddings around the same time where other brides did include it.

Nope, not a chance and I'm pretty sure had I done so the guests and my DH would have fallen about laughing obey is not in my nature at all
We were asked though, (very high C of E) church wedding, early noughties.

Fuck no.

Ours was a registry office wedding in 2006.

As far as i was aware if the woman promised to obey then the man promised to worship. Given that the Bible says you should worship only God then the man in theory sees his wife as God like and not ask her to do something she wouldn't want to do anyway.

I will instead of i do, you are just answering the question asked i.e. Will you?

I did. But he promised to worship me!! the vicar explained to us that the obey part was only when he was worshipping me or something?!

Mine was an Anglican one in 2009, the explanation made sense to me at the time but I probably wouldn't say it now!

Not a chance! Though DH jokes it's a silent vow that I don't need to actually say lol

Hashanah NO CHANCE

Weird all the contortions that vicars etc put themselves through to try to convince people that something doesn't mean what it obviously means