Did you promise to obey your husband?

[peace654]

I had an interesting discussion with my 90 year old nan about the royal wedding. She said she was surprised Meghan didn't promise to obey Harry, and the whole point of marriage is to follow tradition.

I was surprised - she's 90 but always been a feminist for her age at least, she believes in women working outside the home and not putting up with any bullshit. She's always pushed me to be strong and independent. She's not religious either. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage too!

I've only been to a handful of weddings and didn't take much notice of the bows, so I wondered if it was usual for women to promise to obey their husbands nowadays? Do people still do it in order to be traditional?

I read this post as '.....ebay your husband' !!!! my dyslexia kicking in!

We had a choice of three vows and 'obey' wasn't on any of them. This was Church of Scotland

I think it’s outrageous that anyone would say it in this day & age.

With nearly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, there’s a lot of emphasis put in on words in a ceremony, that half of all couples don’t stick to anywsy

The vicar told her that df's vows meant he should never ask her to obey anything she was uncomfortable with/wouldn't want to do so it balanced out.

This makes no sense. if it was only about doing things you agree with anyway, there would be no need to promise to obey.

The standard vows we took didn't include obeying. I would have asked for them to be removed if they did.

I don't think it matters nowadays. Most people don't stick to them!

Fuck no. I’ve never been to a single wedding where the bride has promised to obey. It’s not even part of the standard wording anymore, is it?

Women don't need to trust their husbands to lead them or make decisions for them or instruct them wisely and kindly. Or worship them actually.

I couldn't give a fig about the mental contortions these young Christians (always your university Christian union types as well) make to justify it. It means a woman deferring to her husband's wiser judgement however you spin it.

As I've said already, if it's such a loving vow, why not suggest men make it too?

Anyway. It's pretty moot point now as it's long gone from most weddings.

I have heard of it to be fair before but only when both parties have made exactly the same vows.

Nope! C of E wedding a decade ago and it wasn't even in the vows (we used the standard ones). I have been to two weddings where the bride has promised to obey and both couples are conservative Christians who believe in particular gender roles within marriage. Never heard it at any other wedding!

Bahahahahahaha - NO!

Ha ha ha, NO.

We got married in a registry office and a church, and in neither did obeying even come up as an option, as far as I remember. I've been to a fair number of weddings in the last 15 years and don't think I've ever heard anyone obey.

Registry office wedding almost 8 years ago and no such vows here either.

both man and woman said it though.and I think it was in a time where obey didn't come with so many bad tails hanging on to it.
obey I think it was mor to do with ….oh I don't know but I never took it for how us as modern people think that word to mean.

if this was a part of a wedding and I thought for one minute my husband was t go on to think id obey him in a such a way I would not be getting married to him in the first place!

Church wedding in 2010s, obey wasnt an option (explicitly stated)

We omitted 'obey' at ours. It's pretty dated. Good to see churches keeping up with the times.

No I did not!

We had cherish too! Much nicer than OBEY. Kiss my feet and tidy up around me.

Had 2 weddings 1 traditional and no obey I was very young and got the giggles at 'with my body I honour you' so had that taken out the second time around in registry office

I am wondering if I am the only woman in the world who has a husband who vowed to obey me! I had told the vicar I wanted to 'obey'and he was a little taken aback. On the actual days when you do the repeating after the vicar thing.....he asked my husband to repeat 'to love , honour and obey' and my husband happily repeated it without really noticing, he was so nervous. It was hilarious and I often remind him of it. I am wondering now if the vicar did it intentionally because I had insisted on wanting it put back in our vows!

I got married in '96 in a German Catholic Church where they are were still using very archaic language and practices (still are) and that wasn't even included then . Though the priest who married us came directly from the Middle Ages and probably would have thought it a good idea.We were not even allowed to kiss!

Hell no!

It's never been part of the Catholic vows.

Good Lord, no, people would have said "Like hell!" I've got a bit of a Problem with Authority.