To think this doesn't help women to be taken seriously in the workplace?

[Tryingtochangeitall]

I attended a conference last week where there were a number of speakers.

The only woman as part of her speech referenced her important roles outside of work as a wife and mother

None of the men said anything remotely similar.

I didn't need to know that. It doesn't make her better at her job and I just found someone successful and clearly good at their day job referring to themselves as a wife rather demeaning. It would have been slightly better had she perhaps referenced a supportive husband and family, albeit still irrelevant.

I feel it plays up to the idea that women aren't as work focused and professional as men.

If you would have had the same reaction to a man doing it, then the question should be whether or not this action is professional rather than whether or not her discussing being a wife and a mother doesn't help women be taken seriously in the workplace.

I don't think one woman mentioning that should really have anything to do with all women. I personally don't discuss my home life in professional or many other settings. I find it awkward and invites personal questions; however, I know others - of both sexes - who do so regularly. I don't think more or less of them, I just think some people are more open than I am.

I guess it would be jarring if she was the only one to do it, but I don't think that's particularly her fault though or any detriment to women in general.

Totally and utterly disagree. More men should do this and I know my husband does but it’s not unusual in his line of work to talk about your family.

Women shouldn’t pretend to be robots in order to get ahead. We reproduce! We have sex. We fall in love. I think this is your internalised misogyny coming to the fore.

I see your point OP.
Although due to the difficulty mothers encounter with career progression and the inherent discrimination, she was probably trying to encourage others.

I attended an event last year for black history month. Three black women spoke who had done very well career wise and they were all single parents.

One mentioned how people assumed she was the PA when she walked into meetings and that the man with her was her white male boss.

They shared their stories to show there are no barriers if you work hard and are determined. It was saying.... don't make excuses...because you're a woman..a single parent..etc

It was very inspiring.

I agree with you OP, stick to the point, don't distract with personal info, unless relevant to the topic. It just gives people ammo to bat women with and reinforces the 'thought' that they really should be or want to be at home with the kids.

On the 'dad of the year' topic, a man in my office arrives around 9:30 almost every day because he takes his kid to school, someone has to cover for him at all 9:00 meetings. He is so proud of it and what a fab Dad he is and wants a slap on the back for it. Few women would dream of doing the same and would expect criticism, not admiration for it and would sort bloody childcare out to avoid the situation. Grrrrr.

I agree - if you give a speech stick to the subject you are asked to talk about. If this includes things like increasing performance by supporting diversity in the workplace or the customer base, don't make it personal.

It detracts from the authority of the speaker by sounding like 'special pleading' - assuming the position of the underdog. (I'm sure there's a more tactful way to put this ... don't mean to offend).

If they are speaking at a conference on diversity, women's experience, or employability and transferable skills - then yes it might be relevant.

More men should do this and I know my husband does but it’s not unusual in his line of work to talk about your family not in conference presentations, hopefully- the odd line if relevant in a great speech would be fine, but to have slides of them or make big points about them, nope.

If you mean mention them in conversations, when meeting new people, when explaining schedules- yes, why not? Men and women in my work do and it makes people seem more human. We also have staff who are openly gay and invite their partners to events/mention them in conversation, I'm not sure about all of them though as I only know the out ones (IYSWIM!). No-one wants to be stuffy robots, but it is a tad odd to bang on about your role as a wife and a mother when discussing your business's performance.

As the only woman speaker at the conference she was in essence representing all women from the company. And being the only woman and the only one to mention or show photos of her family I feel that she hasn't represented women well. On the same way as if at a conference the person speaking for our department hadn't mastered the technology or gave a boring speech, I'd feel that hasn't represented us as a dept well.

Several (male and female) colleagues after the conference said 'why did she feel the need to refer to herself as a wife/ show family photos?'

I don’t think it’s unprofessional to talk about your family at work with your colleagues as part of general chit chat assuming it’s not all you talk about. I wouldnt start chatting about my kids in a meeting or as part of presentation though because it’s not the appropriate time. In the same way I wouldn’t talk about what I’m watching on Netflix or the nice restaurant I went to last week etc. There’s a time for personal talk at work and a time for business talk.

I think in the context you describe OP it is unprofessional.

The other view is that for years women were ignored and passed over because they were married and had kids so why shouldn’t it be commented on now as a positive thing. Every day mother’s and wives are contributing to high performance and growth in businesses as are fathers and husbands but are still underrepresented in top jobs. If it had been a man making the same comment would you have had such a strong reaction?

As the only woman speaker at the conference she was in essence representing all women from the company.

No she wasn’t. She was speaking as an individual. Just as if there was only one man speaking there (god forbid), he would not be representing all the men in the company.

I've said quite clearly if a man had referred to how important it was to him to be a husband and shown Venture photos of his family I'd have thought he was unprofessional and wondered why he felt it was necessary to include that/ why he thought it was relevant.

Which is exactly what I thought of the woman speaker.

I think anyone in the workplace who bangs on ad nauseam about their child(ren) like my male colleague is also unprofessional. It's nice to know those colleagues you work directly with have a life and interests outside work but due to colleagues oversharing we know his kids friends at school, which school they go to, their teachers name, favourite tv programmes, toys. Honestly at times I feel I'm vicariously parenting their child. And all I really need to know is they have a 9 year old daughter and, at a push, her name.

I attend quite a lot of conferences and formal speaking events, both as a delegate and speaker.

In my experience those speakers that perform best are the ones that engage the audience with a bit of "off script" chat as an intro. It would be very strange if speakers launched straight into the topic.

Am a bloke and agree with the OP and with the poster up thread who said neither sex should play the kids card, hobbies card, or any other off-topic points. Particularly where the motive is to boost your status, whether you're talking about your fabulous family, yacht, sporting weekends or whatever.

Obviously there's a difference between a passing mention of your personal circumstances and playing on them to impress upon the audience how great you are. I work in a place where loads of women and men are always banging on about their bright kids, caring responsibilities and school governorships. It's quite disingenuous and I wish they'd stick to the subject matter instead of making every meeting a personal branding exercise. Male dominated sports talk is just as bad and often has the same purpose.

I mean, obviously we can pretend that we are automatons with no life outside of work. But in the real world we all know that we are somebody's child, somebody's partner, somebody's sibling, somebody's parent as well. We do not exist in a vacuum where all we do is go to work, we exist holistically in a cycle where we are not always economically productive and that is just fine!

Economic value does not equal human value! We need to start seeing the whole, not pretending that the only important bit is the 9-5, Monday to Friday bit.

YANBU.

By trying so hard to say ‘you can have it all!’ it just perpetuates the idea that women can’t have a career and a family or just a career as good as the next man tbh.

After all, if it wasn’t in question whether women are as capable as men, why say it? It just gives credence to a belief (women are inferior in the workplace) we should be leaving behind.

It’s common advice to ensure as a woman you appear focused on your work at work instead of talking too much about your personal life. Men don’t do it. And sure, you can argue that it should be the case that men and women both bring their personal lives into work more to normalise juggling both, but given that we can’t change the actions of somebody else it’s career suicide in a lot of cases to continue to make a point of referencing your family and personal life in a setting where you’re expected to focus on work.

There's often a final line of a cv which just gives a bit of colour and humanises the candidate, like 'I have two grown up daughters and enjoy golf' (my dad's cv) or 'I have two children under the age of 5 and like traveling' (my cv). I think a little bit of introduction like that is fine at a presentation too but no more.

Totally, totally agree OP.

I just went to a Premiership end of season rugby awards. Not only did the main speaker have his young children on stage for the entire thing but he gave heartfelt thanks for his wife's support first.
I thought it was pretty impressive especially watching him herd his two boys as they toyed to make off with lights, awards etc without any help plus give his end of season talk.

As the only woman speaker at the conference she was in essence representing all women from the company.

No, this is bullshit.

Would we lay it onto the only non white person at a conference to ‘represent their ethnicity’ or the only person in a wheelchair to ‘represent other people with disabilities’? No. She was representing herself! She had no responsibility to anybody else, only how she might be perceived. I simply can’t see how someone would say this about a sole man at a female dominated conference ‘well he’s let all the other men down by saying this or that thing’.

Why is it women are always expected to be one part of a collective whole and not an individual in their own right? If she let anyone down it was herself. She doesn’t speak for any other woman.

Because people (society) is always on the look out for proof that women are inferior, so when one woman does anything less than perfectly, it naturally shows that women everywhere will fail similarly.

Men are treated as individuals and can fail, succeed, have the occasional slip up without anyone questioning whether men are competent enough to be in the workplace. Even when the slip ups are things like I mentioned earlier - crashing banks, fiddling libor, etc. When Barings happened, did anyone look at Nick Leeson and say, well this shows that men shouldn't really be in banking, he's let them all down, this reflects very badly on all men in the industry. No, they didn't. One woman "referenced" her family duing a speech and multiple posters are saying yes this is bad, very very bad indeed. Op claims that it negatively impacts all women working at that company.

I thougth attitudes like this were on the way out, it's really sad to see women supporting this view.

Incidentally, with the crash a few years back, and the global recession that banrupted whole countries, there was a suggestion that maybe more women bring "balance" due to being more risk averse (pretty big generalistion, I think they look for risk takers and so that's probably what they get from both sexes!) but anyway - it has been alluded to, that maybe women have something of value to bring to the table in the financial sector at least.

Also FYI I work for a big global company in financial sector and our men and women at leadership level all do this "look at me I'm a person here are my kids" stuff. It is very popular at the moment. Maybe this woman came from a different sector where it's the norm, maybe she's ahead of the curve, maybe she just did her own thing.

Really can't see how she has personally tolled the death knell for all women at the company by "referencing" her kids in a specch I mean come off it.

Sardine, I love you for using the word ‘alluded’ instead of ‘eluded’, I’ve never seen anyone on MN get that right before 😂

Well thank fuck for that - obviously my posts represent the entire of womankind, if I'd put something incorrect then we'd all have been banned from the internet

No, I agree with you completely (See my previous post). It’s bullshit when women are seen as representing all women and men are obviously only representing themselves.

Thinking more, it is quite clear that some groups in society have this "one fucks up it means they're all awful" approach versus others that seem inordinately protected - when anyone fucks up it's seen as "one bad apple" even if there are loads all making the same mistakes / doing the same behaviour.

It's sort of a outsider vs insider view of things - whether the instinct is to say well that proves it they're all awful, or to support and minimise.

I'm sure we all do it - I know I do it with political parties I don't like, one of them says something and I say "well look it just proves they're all bastards".

It's interesting and a bit sad that women and girls - more than 50% of the population - are somehow an "outsider group" in this respect, at least when it comes to work. Or this type of work - maybe OP is in an industry that is not very woman friendly (there's enough of them about).