To think this doesn't help women to be taken seriously in the workplace?

[Tryingtochangeitall]

I attended a conference last week where there were a number of speakers.

The only woman as part of her speech referenced her important roles outside of work as a wife and mother

None of the men said anything remotely similar.

I didn't need to know that. It doesn't make her better at her job and I just found someone successful and clearly good at their day job referring to themselves as a wife rather demeaning. It would have been slightly better had she perhaps referenced a supportive husband and family, albeit still irrelevant.

I feel it plays up to the idea that women aren't as work focused and professional as men.

I agree with you OP. Maybe it's relevant to say I'm a Mum of many. I came to conf. to hear about (whatever work thing). Not private lives. Everyone has a private life & has learnt a lot from it & relies on alternative identities to keep them sane. I only want to hear if it's directly relevant to conf. topic.

I'm not married, never have been and have no intention to be married in future. I find referring to yourself as a wife a bit 1950s, like you're an appendage to a man. Like I said had she referred to her husband/ marriage I still think it would be irrelevant but it would have jarred slightly less.

... doesn't it feel like a subtle admission that they KNOW some folk will judge them for being working mum, so they have to brandish that status with pride to make it clear that they REALLY do care about most in the world about being a parent? That's how I would hear it. As a sort of apology for even being there and not being at home.

I've explained my views perfectly clearly. If it seems like a parody maybe you need to read it more carefully?

In some ways I agree. You're there to talk about work, not outside of work.

But on the other hand, for me personally I know that having kids and being a mum has completely changed my personality and outlook to life and has given me a lot of experience and skills that I can actually bring to my job. I would never have dreamed of being able to do the job I do now before having kids. Being a mum gave me the confidence to do it. It didn't come from my work life.

I've explained my views perfectly clearly. If it seems like a parody maybe you need to read it more carefully?

Check out the page I referred to and you might agree with me. Or don’t. Up to you.

No one is telling men they can be a success even if they have a wife and children!

That's because they don't need to be told. It's the default assumption

Why isn't it the default assumption for women too? I never intended to get married but it never occurred to me I couldn't continue my career once I had children.

Isn't that a bit patronising? No one is telling men they can be a success even if they have a wife and children!

Yeah, that's because they had wives they were able to be a success and have children though. You aren't actually comparing like for like there.

Wives, traditionally speaking (and currently speaking from every MN thread I have ever read) are a very useful thing to have. Not convinced husbands aren't generally more of a hinderance to female success.

Still I broadly agree that it's not relevant in a speech of that sort. It's like saying and I also ski! I don't give a shit what you do at home. Kids, hisbands, penguin collection etc.

I don't jusdge though, because whatever women do there will someone who has a problem with the way they do it. Just being there is an affront to some people.

Execpt "Mumpreneur". I judge the shit out of that.

I think the fact that there was just one woman deemed important / expert enough to do a speech at the conference certainly doesn't help women to be taken seriously in the workplace. I'm not convinced that is the fault of the woman though.

Why isn't it the default assumption for women too?

Because people like you think that women shouldn’t discuss being wives/mothers in work situations?

How is going to become the default if women are supposed to pretend it’s not happening?

Yes I once sat through a lecture given by a man who wanted to tell us all about his marathon running. Completely irrelevant and v boring. I suppose he was trying to labour some point about endurance etc but we all switched off immediately!

Also she doesn't represent "women". She represents her. That's half the problem right there.

Because people like you think that women shouldn’t discuss being wives/mothers in work situations?

I thought the OP was arguing that it wasn't appropriate in this particular situation, as a start to a conference speech on a different topic, and I tend to agree. I would only be interested in stories about being a wife and a mum if it were relevant e.g. diagnosis of child was relevant, personal experience that led to the finding. Otherwise, stating you are a wife and a mum and this is very important is odd. Why is it? And if you weren't a wife and a mum, should you mention that?

No one ever told me I couldn't have a career and children. Perhaps that's because I come from a family with many generations of strong, working women who were also mothers and some too were wives, but that didn't impact on them continuing to work.

I suppose if your mother was a SAHM you might need to be shown women can work and have kids, but surely most people know this already and ing need positive role models? And even if they do, surely a conference focused on that is the place for referring to your wife and mother status not one where you are there to discuss company performance?

It depends what the conference and her speech were about. There are contexts where it would be appropriate and contexts where it wouldn't be.

Conference was about business performance, review, growth etc. Her speech was covering elements of that. Not meant to be inspirational - factual (as all other speakers were).

If it was inappropriate, why do you think it reflects on every woman’s professionalism, rather than just that specific woman?

If it wasn't relevant to the subject of her speech I'd say YANBU

I'm a senior director and when giving presentations or conference talks etc i do not mention anything outside work. It's not usually relevant and if you need an example of something then generally you can find another that won't lose half the audience. The only time I'd do it is if I was asked to speak specifically on work/life balance issues or similar.

I did have a boss who used to mention his wife and kids, at a big tech conference he actually put a picture of his new born daughter up... being tech I think he did himself no favours and others (and I) felt he should concentrate on work which we all had a part in not his daugher that we'd never meet. People were looking for strong leadership not his parenting skills.

I agree, OP (and I'm also autistic) .

Why isn't it the default assumption for women too?

Er, because patriarchy?

You'er getting to the nub of why we don't have equality in society and therefore in the workplace.

It's a wider issue than just whether women should discuss the impact of being women in a patriarchal society in the workplace

Come off it, the idea that in a speech, no one should ever reference anything outside that speech, is bollocks.

How boring would most speeches be if everyone stuck to that convention.

The people who do stick to it, are either inexperienced, nervous speakers, or really dull ones.

I am more horrified to hear that it's not acceptable to be openly gay in some firms.