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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not replying to invite till midnight the night before then asking to bring someone else

110 replies

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:18

So I invited several friends round for something to eat tomorrow. A belated birthday celebration for me. One couple didn't reply to my invitation sent a week ago until midnight tonight and then asked if it was ok if they brought another person with them. I have spent all night preparing the food, starters for a certain number of people. I literally don't have the space or the plates, glasses etc for any more or the room at the table. Plus I dont know the other person so this will mean I will feel awkward and it will mean I don't enjoy my own party. So I have said no and said don't worry we will do it another time (as they kind of hinted this person was staying with them). AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:20

Well I've done it now - they probably won't speak to me again but firstly they probably don't ever give dinner parties themselves and therefore don't know that it takes quite a bit of planning..... I feel bad now :(

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/06/2018 01:21

Totally reasonable.
You don't leave it until this late to reply yes, and certainly not bring along some random extra

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 01:22

Well if they're never going to speak to you again because you only have x no of chairs, plates etc then they're not very good friends to stsrt with

Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:23

Thanks Breakfast I sent quite a long reply saying I was very sorry but there are other friends coming and I don't know how we will all fit round the table. I figure if they really wanted to come they would have replied sooner and also not asked to bring someone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:25

Thanks Sleeping I agree but I didn't know if I was being a bit anal but I have literally spent days planning what we will eat and I am already worried there isn't enough food. Tomorrow I have tons of stuff happening and I don't want to go out and buy more food, drink and more plates etc. Sorry just ranting now

OP posts:
boilerhouse2007 · 02/06/2018 01:48

I couldn't have refused personally but that's just me though i totally see why you did it. I'd have just done simple quick things like oven chips and grilled chicken and thrown it on too and then split it around. For desserts add a few quick things that take no prep like a frozen cheescake etc.

boilerhouse2007 · 02/06/2018 01:49

When i say i'd have done the simple food i still would have stuck to the original but added them things in so everybody gets a bit of everything.

RafikiIsTheBest · 02/06/2018 01:58

I can't imagine planning a nice posh dinner party for my birthday then banging on some chicken n chips... Seems a little odd. Yeah maybe adding something but I'm struggling to think what chicken and chips would go along with other than doing an actual buffet type meal.

I would of done the same OP, and I would be stressing about it too. I think you have done right and should try to get some sleep. Worry about whether or not they are talking to you after the dinner party is over and done with.

Rainbowqueeen · 02/06/2018 02:09

I think you did the right thing op and I would have done the same

This is your party and you should feel happy about it and look forward to it
You sound like you’ve put so much work and thought into it

Happy birthday and enjoy!

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2018 02:13

YANBU in the slightest.

I would honestly be reconsidering these "friends" if they treat you like this. When was the last time they hotsed you?

Eveforever · 02/06/2018 02:13

I wouldn't give out of my way to accommodate someone you didn't invite, that are going to make you feel awkward as you don't even know them and who would mess up the plans you've been working on all week. It's your celebration, you're allowed to enjoy it. Maybe you'd feel differently if your friends had asked a week ago, or you'd met this person before, however, they didn't and you haven't.

Narya · 02/06/2018 02:37

YANBU OP, I'd have done the same as you. Sounds like they double booked themselves and are now attempting some CF-ery.

Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 03:02

Thanks everyone. It's not easy when you are on your own and hosting. I do get stressed and I do put a lot of thought into menus and how everything looks. It's part of the fun and I enjoy the planning but now I can't sleep after sending my text!
I love the phrase CF-ery though Narya....

I do know what you mean about putting on extra food etc boilerhouse but it just means I would probably have to ask them to bring extra chairs and plates and itll be awkward and its someone else to judge me (I suffer with social anxiety so these things matter)

OP posts:
KC225 · 02/06/2018 03:22

They are bloody cheeky replying at midnight and asking to bring someone else. They should have repiled last week and they could have said we would live to join you but we have a guest staying. That would have given you the option of saying 'bring them along' or 'what I shame, another time maybe'. Replying at the night before smacks of using you as a back burner for Saturday night.

You did the right thing and you were polite about it. Think no more about it and enjoy your family birthday.

FriendlyOcelot · 02/06/2018 03:40

You did exactly the right thing. Like you I suffer from mild social anxiety and when I hold a dinner party I want everything to be great for ALL my guests; I don’t want to inconvenience them by making them squidge around a table or be short changed in their food servings!

If your friends cba to reply until the last 24 hours Hmm (v rude btw - I make a point of replying to any invitation within the FIRST 24 hours as much as possible) then you don’t need to extend any polite favour back. It sounds as if they were keeping their options open until friend arrived so they could ask him/her if they wanted to go! Still at least they didn’t have the manners to tell you this otherwise you’d have been hanging on waiting all week for their decision!

ItsThisOneThing · 02/06/2018 03:48

She's been really rude not replying until then!. You absolutely did the right thing. Don't let it stress you out and ruin your party, relax and enjoy

brummiesue · 02/06/2018 04:06

'Bung some chicken and chips in', while everyone else enjoy a carefully planned 3 course meal? Yeah okHmm

emmyrose2000 · 02/06/2018 04:25

YANBU

Good on you for not cowtowing to their rudeness. I can't believe they thought it'd be okay to bring along a stranger, and at the very last moment!

AnalUnicorn · 02/06/2018 06:31

What is it with flaky people everywhere !

Your reply was completely reasonable. If they take offence or blank you then they are out of order, and you would be better off without them in your life.

ferntwist · 02/06/2018 06:40

YANBU! Enjoy your party, sounds lovely. What’s on the menu? (Nosey!)

CantChoose · 02/06/2018 06:45

YABU - but only for replying is such an apologetic manner!
They are totally unreasonable.
I would have said that I'd assumed they weren't coming so hadn't catered for them and wouldn't be able to change the food at this short notice.
I'm not a big fan of the phrase but they really are cheeky fuckers!

Balloondog · 02/06/2018 06:55

I think you were perfectly reasonable. Now don't give it any more headspace and have a brilliant birthday! Like others, I'm dying to know what you're serving tonight, I love menu planning!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 02/06/2018 07:04

Agree with how polite you were!! If they ignore you after that reply it's because they are embarrassed!

speakout · 02/06/2018 07:04

Oven chips? Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 07:12

Well done for sticking up for yourself. I know how crippling social anxiety can be so I imagine this wasn’t easy to do. Have a lovely birthday. 🎂