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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not replying to invite till midnight the night before then asking to bring someone else

110 replies

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:18

So I invited several friends round for something to eat tomorrow. A belated birthday celebration for me. One couple didn't reply to my invitation sent a week ago until midnight tonight and then asked if it was ok if they brought another person with them. I have spent all night preparing the food, starters for a certain number of people. I literally don't have the space or the plates, glasses etc for any more or the room at the table. Plus I dont know the other person so this will mean I will feel awkward and it will mean I don't enjoy my own party. So I have said no and said don't worry we will do it another time (as they kind of hinted this person was staying with them). AIBU?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/06/2018 07:37

You are absolutely in the right on this one and they are being cheeky Fs. Don't feel bad about saying no to them and standing up for yourself. They had a week to reply and they did so at midnight. That's so rude. Even if they don't give dinner parties, any considerate person should be aware that it involves cost, shopping, cooking. preparation time and cannot always be changed right at the last minute.
They have no grounds to take offence. You sound quite worried that they will.. do they have form for this? People who take advantage of others often imply that they will be very angry if you don't do what they want. Let them. I hope you continue to be assertive. Well done for standing up for your self
Have a lovely guilt-free celebration.

eurochick · 02/06/2018 07:38

Cheeky fuckers

I'm not sure how adding in some oven chips, etc would help with a carefully planned birthday dinner.

What's on the menu OP?

MargaretCavendish · 02/06/2018 07:40

I sort of love the 'give them oven chips and chicken' idea - it would be the most perfectly passive-aggressive response ever to allow a last minute guest and then serve up a three course meal to everyone else and chicken and chips to them - 'oh, I didn't get much notice that you were coming...'

mirialis · 02/06/2018 07:41

Ha, love the suggestion of doing some extra chicken and chips and a frozen cheesecake for the late repliers and the unknown friend - could get them to sit on the floor too as that'll teach them to be so rude!

Enjoy your dinner OP - you did exactly the right thing.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/06/2018 07:41

You've def done the right thing.

Perhaps there'll be a moment tonight where you can point out to the friend that there is literally no space for anyone else.

Enjoy your night Wine

mirialis · 02/06/2018 07:42

snap Margaret!

freshstart24 · 02/06/2018 07:42

Hope you got some sleep OP.

You've done brilliantly to organise your dinner party given that you struggle in these circumstances. I'd be exactly the same, and like you I would have planned things very carefully, and would have been thrown off track by an additional three people at the very last minute.

It was rude to reply at the last minute. I don't think friends will be offended by your reply. Maybe you could offer a different date to get together with them if you think that might make you feel a bit better.

For now try to put this behind you and enjoy todays's celebrations.

KAT0779 · 02/06/2018 07:42

The only thing I would have done differently would be to ignore the message til this morning (although I understand that you may have just worried about it all night). People like this really annoy me, do they not even think (or care) that if everyone did the same you may not have even been arranging anything as you could have assumed no one was coming?

I am reluctant to do anything like this anymore due to past experiences, usually when people just haven't bothered turning up or others saying they may just 'pop in for a drink' errrm no its not an effing pub Angry

MyOtherProfile · 02/06/2018 07:46

You did the right thing. I hope you managed to drop in that you hadn't catered for them, let alone a friend, as they replied so late.

BeeNicer · 02/06/2018 07:46

Very rude of them, cheeky f**ers! Happy birthday, have a lovely evening WineFlowersCake

Nanna50 · 02/06/2018 07:56

You did the right thing, they left it too late to reply and added on another guest. How refreshing to have a thread about saying no to a CF straight away. Smile

You said no as you have planned for those who replied and you made an offer to do it another time. I think you handled it perfectly. Although some of the replies just show you can never get it right on MN.

Enjoy your evening and don't give them another thought, they can find something else to do with their guest.

Worriedsick12 · 02/06/2018 07:57

Totally reasonable OP! They are a CF. it's not like you were just doing an easy buffet you could easily add a person to. Dinner parties take loads of preparation and planning and can't be adjusted at the last minute. Your friend shouldn't have asked and will hopefully not be difficult about your refusal - it would be really unfair if they were.

Chapterandverse · 02/06/2018 08:05

Yanbu.

They've no manners!

What're you cooking?

Usernameunknown2 · 02/06/2018 08:09

Yanbu. Its cheeky to ask to bring someone to a birthday meal when the birthday host doesnt know them and is providing the food. Its rude to wait so late to reply and looks like they were waiting on a better offer

LoudestRoar · 02/06/2018 08:12

You did the right thing. Their response sounds like a 'we'll say yes if something better doesn't come along....."

ReanimatedMuse · 02/06/2018 08:20

Totally reasonable to refuse but equally not unreasonable for them to ask.

I would assume that their late reply was because their own guest hadn't (for what could be perfectly valid reasons) confirmed and they wanted to come to your party if at all possible.

So they wanted to come to you, have an old friend staying and do instead of declining your invite asked if they could bring him along.

It wouldn't have bothered me in slightest bit understand why it would bother you

Irksomeness · 02/06/2018 08:25

Hope your dinner party goes well. I think it was ok to say no. To be honest I think it was ok for them to ask (although they should have done so days ago) but it's perfectly ok for you to decline.

Usernameunknown2 · 02/06/2018 08:27

They should and could have let OP know a lot earlier thorough if they wanted to go but had a guest. Waiting until they did is rude when its a birthday dinner that OP is cooking.

FreeMantle · 02/06/2018 08:47

I think they forgot because they have a friend over, remembered it was your birthday so felt they should come, and replied under duress.

You have given them an out and said you would see them another time. Perfect all round I'd say.

pasturesgreen · 02/06/2018 08:57

Extremely rude to leave it until the last minute to reply, but I wouldn't have had a problem with guests bringing someone over: it's usually a case of the more, the merrier!

You sound as though you were intent on making a mountain out of a molehill, quite honestly:

I literally don't have the space or the plates, glasses etc for any more or the room at the table

Plus I dont know the other person so this will mean I will feel awkward and it will mean I don't enjoy my own party

They probably won't speak to me again

Seems all very dramatic for something that should be a fun occasion like a dinner party. Crockery can be mismatched and people can squeeze a bit and sir on an office chair/kitchen stool, it doesn't have to be all matchy-matchy.

Although if they're seriously, literally going to never speak with you again because of this, you're well rid!

pasturesgreen · 02/06/2018 08:57

Sit, not sir!

ForalltheSaints · 02/06/2018 08:59

Totally reasonable given the preparation involved. One of the life skills that some people lack is planning ahead, as I am sure the couple's guest didn't turn up unannounced.

boilerhouse2007 · 02/06/2018 09:03

''I sort of love the 'give them oven chips and chicken' idea - it would be the most perfectly passive-aggressive response ever to allow a last minute guest and then serve up a three course meal to everyone else and chicken and chips to them - 'oh, I didn't get much notice that you were coming...'''

No I men stick to the original plan but just mixed these quick foods in so everybody gets a bit of something-over chips or even fried chips/spuds can be amazing when done properly and ppl like them. Likewise grilled chicken can be done really well and fancy like adding oil to it. Similarly Tesco do beautiful luxurious cheescakes like the new twix one, not every bit of food has to be massively prepared.

Nikephorus · 02/06/2018 09:05

Seems all very dramatic for something that should be a fun occasion like a dinner party. Crockery can be mismatched and people can squeeze a bit and sir on an office chair/kitchen stool, it doesn't have to be all matchy-matchy.
Some people like to do things properly when they have dinner parties and so having one person perching on a stool at the end of the table with a paper plate and a mug for their wine doesn't really work Hmm I don't think OP's making mountains at all - her friends were rude leaving it that long to reply anyway, and more so when they wanted to invite a complete stranger!

MargaretCavendish · 02/06/2018 09:06

No offence, but I think if OP has been up all night making fancy starters she's planning quite a different kind of meal to the sort where chicken and chips could just be added to bulk it out and where a Twix cheesecake would be totally in keeping with the other desserts