Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not replying to invite till midnight the night before then asking to bring someone else

110 replies

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:18

So I invited several friends round for something to eat tomorrow. A belated birthday celebration for me. One couple didn't reply to my invitation sent a week ago until midnight tonight and then asked if it was ok if they brought another person with them. I have spent all night preparing the food, starters for a certain number of people. I literally don't have the space or the plates, glasses etc for any more or the room at the table. Plus I dont know the other person so this will mean I will feel awkward and it will mean I don't enjoy my own party. So I have said no and said don't worry we will do it another time (as they kind of hinted this person was staying with them). AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 09:07

I love Mumsnet. Have managed to get a few hours sleep and am going to put some hypnotherapy music on while I do my cleaning today!
For those who asked... on the menu tonight is Ceviche (never made/prepared it before so hope it's ok) Chinese chilli (Gousto menu - done in the slow cooker served with sour cream, rice and wholemeal pitta or french bread. Rhubarb fool with garden rhubarb and rhubarb syrup and pear tart with puff pastry and cream. Plus cheese if there's room.... Lots of prosecco, white wine, beer and cranberry, orange and grenadine mocktails for the drivers. I literally had to buy 8 extra plates for the starter because I recently divorced and I only brought so much with me - fresh start and all that. Does that all sound ok - bit worried about killing everyone with the starter if I don't get it right. Any Ceviche experts out there? xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 09:09

By the way I have had no reply to my text but that is fairly typical for them!

OP posts:
fourpawswhite · 02/06/2018 09:13

It's just that people are different I suppose. I'm more like pastures green. Really wouldn't matter, more the merrier. My friends are friends so I would of course accommodate them.

My mother was certainly not like this. Everything had and has to be exact, planned, replied to, accounted for. However, DH family much more relaxed and I've gone that way. We live on a family farm as well so I quickly became used to plans changing, different people arriving etc. It's almost better now not to have a plan and live by it will be alright on the night. I know I drive my mother crazy though. Grin

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 09:14

Sounds fabulous. I hope it goes well.

If anyone had sent a text at midnight I wouldn't have seen it until the following morning anyway, which is far too late given the prep that you have been doing.

In my case I would have probably stretched the food, but asked the late responders to bring crockery, cutlery and chairs as well.

Good luck, and have a lovely evening.

Maelstrop · 02/06/2018 09:14

Who the hell tries to bring extra people to a dinner party? They’re very rude, OP and especially so to not reply.

Hulah00pie · 02/06/2018 09:15

That menu sounds like a dream. Ceviche should be fine so long as the fish is fresh and you have something acidic enough (lime or lemon probably) in the marinade/dressing.

InspMorse · 02/06/2018 09:16

Sounds lovely if a little formal
Try to Relax OP & enjoy!

eurochick · 02/06/2018 09:18

Sounds lovely!

EeeSheWasThin · 02/06/2018 09:18

I’ve done salmon ceviche several times and never poisoned anyone! I’m sure it will be great. Your menu sounds lovely, I hope you enjoy it. FWIW, well done for refusing, very cheeky of them. Being a pathological people pleaser, I expect I’d have said yes then spent the day panicking.

Orangecake123 · 02/06/2018 09:22

I would have said no too.

gambaspilpilmyfav · 02/06/2018 09:24

I would have been seething if I got a message the night before as I do a lot of prepping for a dinner party too. So YANBU. However I would have sent a simpler response. Not sure how you can send a message mentioning lack of space, chairs etc. What would you have done in the event they had accepted? That I would say has muddied the water.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/06/2018 09:29

Sounds delicious!

I can only presume that the CF people assumed that by 'dinner party' you meant a buffet, help-yourself, sit-where-you-can type meal, where you'd be piling out the sausage rolls and sandwiches and one more (or, in their case two or three more if they're a couple) wouldn't be a problem and the chicken and chips solution would have been fine.

Did they know it was going to be a sit-down proper dinner? Because if they did it's beyond rude and self absorbed to think someone can knock up extra plates on hardly any notice!

Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 09:29

One quite important fact I forgot to mention as well.... they live next door so if we're outside they will see and hear us! :o - that's what made it ultra hard to say no! I am a people pleaser all the time but it was the combination of late reply and asking to bring someone and my social anxiety combined and literally not wanting to organise anything else today/extra chairs, crockery as a last minute thing and I just couldn't do it! I only have a small house and small garden.
I hope it won't be formal - we may end up eating on our laps outside - I don't think chilli is too formal? Anyway, I will enjoy it thank you everyone. Have a great day xxx

OP posts:
goingatlast · 02/06/2018 09:37

They live next door? You could have asked them to bring a couple of extra plates and a chair. Chilli in a slow cooker can surely be stretched to include one more person.

Definitely going to be awkward if you are all in your garden and they are in theirs!

Cuttingthegrass · 02/06/2018 09:37

I hope you have a super time. Sounds lovely.

AlpacaLypse · 02/06/2018 09:38

You mean they've been next door all week and STILL didn't get round to replying!!??

Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 09:41

I totally agree goingatlast but they could have replied to me sooner to say they were coming themselves - let alone with one other at midnight the night before?
If you had social anxiety I think you would probably understand better
I do feel bad but I've done it now so will have to live with it

OP posts:
summerinrome · 02/06/2018 09:44

I wouldn't worry op. I have friends like this, everything is last minute and on the eleventh hour. It is perfectly acceptable not to accommodate the extra guest request, and most reasonable people would understand that not only have you not planned to have an extra guest and all the extra food and wine, but it will also completely change the dynamics around the dinner table unless it is a BBQ and all outside and mixed in, I would decline too.

If you have anxiety then you will have enough to worry about keeping yourself calm, it is your birthday, it will be great. Don't over think every last detail and just enjoy yourself forgetting about the rude friends who couldn't even reply until hours before Wine lots of Wine

Juells · 02/06/2018 09:47

I can absolutely understand why you wouldn't want an extra person landed on you, if you're going to a lot of trouble.

Original poster
Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 09:48

exactly summerinrome - it would change the dynamics if round the dinner table - we would be squashed up and I would be running around trying to make it work. I don't have a partner to help with smoothing things along..... etc I do overthink (it's a curse!) but I think if they really were that bothered/interested they would have replied to the invitation straight away. I was just being neighbourly........... oh dear is it too early for a drink ;)x

OP posts:
auntyflonono · 02/06/2018 09:48

At least the didn't just turn up with one extra!

LizzieMacQueen · 02/06/2018 09:50

Are you sue they are not trying to set you up with someone? If you are newly single I mean, perhaps they thought a blind date was in order.

Johnnycomelately1 · 02/06/2018 10:00

They could easily have replied earlier and said ‘oh normally we’d love to but we have a friend staying ‘ and then let you say either ‘oh bring him’ or ‘no worries. Another time’.

barleyfive · 02/06/2018 10:04

YANBU, to reply so late for a start is rude, and then to ask someone knowing it is for your birthday is also rude.

goingatlast · 02/06/2018 10:05

All I'm saying is that an extra person wouldn't really make a lot of difference if there are already 8 people going. (I have assume 8 as you said your bought 8 extra plates for the starter.) Yes, your neighbour should have replied before midnight last night but maybe they didn't realise it was supposed to be a formal dinner (although if you've said you may end up in your garden eating off your knees then it really isn't formal at all).

I too have 'social anxiety' didn't ever realise it had a name until I started using MN. I've had it all my life but just get on with it. The extra person who was wanting to come could have ended up becoming a new friend.

Anyway, enjoy your birthday. Honestly wasn't meaning to be rude.