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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not replying to invite till midnight the night before then asking to bring someone else

110 replies

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 01:18

So I invited several friends round for something to eat tomorrow. A belated birthday celebration for me. One couple didn't reply to my invitation sent a week ago until midnight tonight and then asked if it was ok if they brought another person with them. I have spent all night preparing the food, starters for a certain number of people. I literally don't have the space or the plates, glasses etc for any more or the room at the table. Plus I dont know the other person so this will mean I will feel awkward and it will mean I don't enjoy my own party. So I have said no and said don't worry we will do it another time (as they kind of hinted this person was staying with them). AIBU?

OP posts:

NameChangingParanoid · 02/06/2018 10:12

YANBU, they are - massively! The menu sounds amazing, hope you have a great time.

Flyme21 · 02/06/2018 10:16

"An extra person wouldn't really make a lot of difference..." Op has already explained that she's already concerned that she has enough food. She's planned for 8 people that she'd like to entertain. No reason at all to welcome a last-minute stranger. I'd guess they left this until last minute in the hope that Op would find it too hard to turn down the request. As for possibly ending up in the garden - they might, but the weather forecast isn't great so they might also end up sitting comfortably indoors at the table.
Enjoy your evening Op.

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/06/2018 10:29

I literally had to buy 8 extra plates

So you pretended to buy them or actually had to buy them?

TBH reading your thread, unless you suffer with acute anxiety and cannot deal with strangers then you're pretty damned rude disinviting someone from a function, where - yes Im going to be rude - you're serving a cold stir fry, a glorified casserole, and a dish pudding. None of it is individually prepared, you could easily make up an extra plate, if you wanted to, but you don't so that's fine. Don't keep making excuses.

Look on the bright side, one less mouth to feed and you've got a spare meal for the following day!

IMHO, the best parties are the impromptu ones with natural raconteurs, not forced ones that are over planned.

freshstart24 · 02/06/2018 10:29

I'm thinking that it's 3 extras? I assumed OP hadn't planned for any of them to attend as the couple themselves didn't reply until last night.

MargaretCavendish · 02/06/2018 10:34

IMHO, the best parties are the impromptu ones with natural raconteurs, not forced ones that are over planned.

And here I was thinking that the best parties were ones where the host wasn't made stressed and miserable by other people's last minute requests that she accommodate a stranger. It's her party, and it's a dinner party not an open house or a casual drinks thing - I wouldn't want my neighbours' mate there, either.

Leeds2 · 02/06/2018 10:37

Had you catered for the couple themselves (not the extra guest), given that they hadn't said they were coming?

Foggymist · 02/06/2018 10:39

But you can make grilled chicken fancy by adding some oil OP

It'd be 3 extra, not 1. She hadn't received a reply from them so I would think she assumed they weren't coming and prepped without including them, then at the last minute they say they are and are bringing another person.

Original poster

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 10:44

Ha ha Lizzie - I might have said yes then but the plus one is female!
To be fair to them they don't know it is my birthday they are not friends but neighbours. I looked at my food last night and thought I don't even know if its enough for 8 certainly not 9! Getting more nibbles today. Good job I only have a dinner party once in a blue moon - such stress - when you don't do it often :)))))))x

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 02/06/2018 10:56

you're pretty damned rude disinviting someone from a function
She didn't disinvite them. They didn't accept the invitation in time for them to be catered for, to say nothing of the extra.

BlancheM · 02/06/2018 10:58

Awkward gits.
It's not hard to either accept or decline an invite. Not be rude and put out the host.
If they want to host their mate then they can do that on their own terms at their own gathering.
Hope you have a lovely dinner and good on you.

Original poster

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 10:59

NewYearNewMe18 - what were you like last year!

OP posts:

Original poster

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 11:03

goingatlast
I too get on with my social anxiety. I earn my own living I force myself to do plenty of things thank you. I am not a complainer and I only mentioned it in the context of this issue. Not even my friends and family know how much I suffer or that I even have it. I get on with it as you say.

OP posts:

dustarr73 · 02/06/2018 11:11

Tour menu sounds really lovely.I think they left it so late to reply that you wouldnt tell them no.And the extra guest is just so cheeky.

Enjoy tonight

Lou222 · 02/06/2018 11:15

Was going to say yanbu but the fact they live next door will make it extremely awkward!
They could easily have brought one more plate, chair etc and the fact you said you may be outside with food on your laps means it’s not a very formal occasion!
It was rude of them to reply so late but I think you should’ve squeezed one more in!!

ferntwist · 02/06/2018 11:17

Your menu sounds lovely OP. Love the grenadine mocktails idea for the non-drinkers!

Tangofandango · 02/06/2018 11:23

NewYear

I literally had to buy 8 extra plates

So you pretended to buy them or actually had to buy them?

The Op said she "literally had to buy 8 extra plates" which means she bought them. Why would you think she pretended to buy them?

Original poster

Monkee4 · 02/06/2018 11:26

Exactly - why would I pretend to buy plates......
Thank you everyone for your lovely messages I really appreciate them :) I'm going to step away now because there are some people who can be just plain nasty x

OP posts:

LexieLulu · 02/06/2018 11:29

Can I come? 😂

Your food sounds lovely, I wish my friends were into dinner parties!

Mine just want to get shitfaced 😂

Have a lovely evening, be loud as poss to rub salt in the wounds. Next time they will reply early and not be a CF

MiggeldyHiggins · 02/06/2018 11:31

Newyearnewme.....should probably try again with a new her. Because the current one is a total asshole.

FASH84 · 02/06/2018 11:37

Chinese chilli? With sour cream? Is that a typo? Surely chilli is a Mexican dish. Also when you said fancy I didn't think you meant a slow cooker full of chilli from gousto (not even proper cooking) that could've easily been stretched.... Ceviche is simple good quality fish or seafood usually marinaded in citrus, herbs/chilli again add some crusty bread easily stretched. I thought we were talking fine dining not a simple supper 😂

BlancheM · 02/06/2018 11:38

FASH what does it matter?
It sounds delicious.

Weezol · 02/06/2018 11:45

Monkee I don't have anxiety, and I would have said no. It's just lousy manners to reply less that 24hrs before and add someone you've never met and didn't invite.

Enjoy yourself with your friends. If any of your guests offers to help with clearing up or doing the dishes, relax and let them, it's a nice way to show appreciation to the host.

Motoko · 02/06/2018 12:04

NewYearNewMe18 - what were you like last year!

Brilliant response to a poster who is often acerbic to OPs.

I wouldn't have even replied last night, but left it until mid morning. And I'd have also said no. Would have been tempted (although wouldn't have) to reply "Sorry, you snooze, you lose. You didn't reply in a timely manner, so I've gone ahead with my plans without factoring you in, and certainly not an extra person who I don't know.".

What I'd actually have said was "Sorry, as you hadn't replied, I assumed you weren't coming. There won't be enough food for another 2, let alone 3. We'll have to make plans for another time."

JingsMahBucket · 02/06/2018 12:16

@Monkee4, can I have more deets about that Chinese chili, please? It sounds intriguing.

FriendlyOcelot · 02/06/2018 12:28

NewYear bangs on about op’s ‘rudeness’ but is the most offensive poster on the thread! The irony!

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