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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to share his bonus

91 replies

Mummynotmama · 31/05/2018 19:22

Dh and I put our monthly pay into a shared account, transferring ourselves an equal amount of own spending money and the rest goes to bills and savings. I make £500 more per month so put more in. This works well and I think it’s fair to have the same amount to spend each as we work equally hard.

However, he gets a bonus twice a year. He will usually spend some of it on treating us both to a nice meal but spends a big proportion of it on himself e.g. towards a holiday with his friends, new clothes or a gadget. It’s just occurred to me that this isn’t very fair! Or is it...?!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/05/2018 19:24

How much is the bonus?

I'm not sure to be honest. He probably sees this over and above.

Are you struggling for money? As in do you not have much left for your own spends each month?

My husband gets a bonus, I wouldn't wish it to be spent on anything but himself, but we don't have financial pressures.

SoapOnARoap · 31/05/2018 19:25

If it’s a guaranteed bonus, it should be factored in, to his monthly contribution

NapQueen · 31/05/2018 19:26

I think it would be nice if it was split 50/50 on you as a couple and him on himself but I dont think there should be a hard and fast rule.

Do you split any cash you get on birthdays?

Tobuyornot99 · 31/05/2018 19:27

Anything up to 6k should go in the pot definitely, to make up for the inequality for the rest of year. He's a CF

Glumglowworm · 31/05/2018 19:27

YANBU

You share your higher salary, he should share his bonuses. Just because your ‘extra’ money is monthly not twice yearly why should it be treated differently?

Original poster
Mummynotmama · 31/05/2018 19:28

We aren’t struggling but seeing as I share my extra money all year round I’ve started to feel he should share his bonuses too. It sounds unreasonable to suggest though, not sure why!

OP posts:
sexnotgender · 31/05/2018 19:29

YANBU. If you factor in his bonus does that make his salary similar to yours? If so he should be paying in equally.
Do you get a bonus?

ICantCopeAnymore · 31/05/2018 19:30

Just tell him you'll now be putting less in a month and award yourself an equal bonus.

5foot5 · 31/05/2018 19:30

No it doesn't sound fair.
You consistently earn more than him but restrict yourself to the same spending money as him and let the household benefit from the extra amount. But on the odd occasions he earns more he gets to keep it!!

Original poster
Mummynotmama · 31/05/2018 19:31

Ooooh I like the sound of getting a bonus! Great idea haha

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 31/05/2018 19:32

If you are not putting equal amounts in then it doesn't make sense for him to keep the bonus separate. You either put in the same amount or you put everything in.

MeadowHay · 31/05/2018 19:32

YANBU, that's not fair and I can't believe he thinks it is and has just let himself benefit from this arrangement. Firm discussion needs to be had here, taking into account the value of his bonuses compared to the extra value of your regular pay and working out a fairer solution.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/05/2018 19:32

Current set up is not fair.

FriggingMardyCow · 31/05/2018 19:33

Put in equal monthly amounts, save your extra till his bonus time, then you both get a bonus. That seems pretty fair to me.

SoyDora · 31/05/2018 19:34

You pay in an extra 6k over the year. Of course the bonus should be split.
If he insists on keeping it to himself, I’d keep the extra £500 a month to myself and just buy the occasional meal out with it.

HollyGoLoudly · 31/05/2018 19:35

YANBU
You share your higher salary, he should share his bonuses. Just because your ‘extra’ money is monthly not twice yearly why should it be treated differently?

This

We have the same finance arrangement as you (all income goes in the pot and we get the exact same 'spending money' as each other each month) and my DP's quarterly bonus is added to the pot. If that's your arrangement why should his bonus income be treated differently? Plus it's extra unreasonable if your actually putting in more every month!

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 19:36

Just pool all your money then you don’t have to arbitrarily divide assets - you are married after all.
Yes his bonus should be your money too. You’re current set up was sounding good/far until you said he doesn’t put all his income in - yes this isn’t fair
Why is he going to holiday with his friends without you so much?

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 19:36

Not that that isn’t normal but you should get holiday money too

eurochick · 31/05/2018 19:37

It's not fair. He just gets done if his pay twice a year rather than monthly. It's not on to treat it differently.

theWarOnPeace · 31/05/2018 19:37

YANBU and he’s a cheeky fucker

DuchyDuke · 31/05/2018 19:38

Keep your money seperate and just contribute household expenditure.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 31/05/2018 19:38

She doesn't say she puts in £500 a month more. Just thst she earns £500 a month more. It might be £5 extra

Notveryladylike · 31/05/2018 19:40

Basically withought the bonus you earn more than him yet you get equal spending money and put more every month into the household expenditure. If his bonus takes him to match your salary or more than your salary it doesn't make a difference he should be sharing. You put all you have in, why should he get extra just because he gets it in the form of a bonus? You should save your extra 500 a month and pay it to yourself as a bonus twice a year then you can keep more for you and buy him something nice Wink

AnnabelleLecter · 31/05/2018 19:41

We usually spend ours jointly on holidays/gym membership/treating ourselves and DC.
But if one of us wanted to spend on something specific we would without an issue, it all evens out over the years.

TheEmmaDilemma · 31/05/2018 19:41

Nope not fair currently.