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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Softzilla, the police

960 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 31/05/2018 16:59

I can't update just now but here's the new thread. I will update later when I can.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 31/05/2018 18:46

I hate troll hunters.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 31/05/2018 18:47

It depends. The police came out when my landlady threatened to stab me, but not when my ex was on my doorstep refusing to leave. They only had 6 cars and they were all out.

MadMags · 31/05/2018 18:47

The troll hunters can all go pound sand

What does that even mean??

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 31/05/2018 18:47

Around 10 years ago I was not advised to block when I had my stalker. Blocking just encourages some people to use alternative numbers and is slightly more difficult when collecting evidence.

I sent all the emails to a file so I didn't have to read them but they could still be stored. He made multiple new email addresses so I had to keep redirecting them.

I don't think I ever gave a statement.

JamPasty · 31/05/2018 18:47

Just checking - is "you should block her" the new "cancel the cheque"?!

Sorry you're going through this OP, it's bloody mad.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 31/05/2018 18:48

This reply has been deleted

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GrandTheftWalrus · 31/05/2018 18:48

She sounds unhinged.

Fabellini · 31/05/2018 18:52

Blimey!

MustShowDH · 31/05/2018 18:54

Makes me glad my life is so dull!

Nquartz · 31/05/2018 19:01

Just checking - is "you should block her" the new "cancel the cheque"?!
🤣

SabineUndine · 31/05/2018 19:06

No. That would be ‘She sounds unhinged’.

Bitsandbobsalot · 31/05/2018 19:11

A few years ago I had a problem with a man down the road. Started off small things quite regularly. I was advised to ignore but keep a record by police. He was given a harassment warning order but carried on. It went on over a year and got to the point something was happening every few days and in the end he threatened to rape and then kill me. He became very obsessive with upsetting me. I sat in court with 10 wittiness before he finally pleaded guilty at the last minute. He got a 5 year restraining order and a huge fine with community service.

I’m sure the police would rather intervene now before it gets out of hand because believe it or not these things can. My life was made hell just because I’d done or said something simple that he didn’t like. It was so minor I couldn’t tell you what it was.
Good luck op I hope a good talking to from a police officer sorts this out and you can just move on easily

carribeanqueenmumofthree · 31/05/2018 19:11

Really sorry, but can someone give me the abridged version of why the police are now involved?? (Have been reading from thread one but now I'm completely confused!!!

EnglishRose13 · 31/05/2018 19:18

Softzilla text inviting OP to a party. OP said no and if you contact me again I'll go to the police. Softzilla contacted her again. OP went to the police.

JamPasty · 31/05/2018 19:22

Short version is that softzilla just would not let it drop. OP went to the Group last week (I think) and SZ stormed over, I think there was arm grabbed, and there was definitely growling. Group leader had to take SZ to one side and then asked her to leave. Much more texting and calls ensued, I think, and then SZ made up a party to invite OP to (mutual friends confirmed they'd heard nothing of any party). OP had sought advice from police, and replied saying no thanks and please don't contact me again or the police will need to be involved. SZ kept on and on, asking OP to just drop her daughter off alone (!!), and ended up saying she would turn up on OPs doorstep to discuss it. As advised by police, when SZ kept on, OP contacted police. Police went round to have a word to tell SZ to knock it off. While the police were with her, SZ texted OP yet again.

Rocinante1 · 31/05/2018 19:22

Did I miss something... Did OP come back?

Clutterbugsmum · 31/05/2018 19:23

carribeanqueenmumofthree here
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Since then Softzilla tried to get 2 friends on side by lying to them about OP, told pg friend that OP was crying at a party due to OP ttc, then has growled at OP several times, keeps trying to speak OP outside although OP has tried at loads of times to tell Softzilla that there is no problem and to move on Softzilla wont and keep demanding OP talks to her alone, has been asked twice to leave a playgroup early because she is being threatening to op. SOftzilla will not leave OP alone so she has had to involve the police.

I'm sure there more but can't think now

YouAreNotImportant · 31/05/2018 19:24

I love how so many people are talking about how this woman apparently growls.

MiddleClassProblem · 31/05/2018 19:26

I like how we’re almost 8 pages in and the OP hasn’t said anything yet

Bluelonerose · 31/05/2018 19:27

Wow just wow softzilla is seriously fucking loopy.
Hopefully the police will make her stop.

DragonMummy1418 · 31/05/2018 19:30

I hope this doesn't stop you going to your playgroup tomorrow @Unreasonableunreasonableness

sonjadog · 31/05/2018 19:30

Yes, I like the growling too.

YouTheCat · 31/05/2018 19:31

The last post on the previous thread OP had commented that she would do a proper update once she's got her child to bed.

scoobyd2 · 31/05/2018 19:33

Police do now take harassment seriously, even if it is to get involved 'softly'. Thing is in many cases things start innocently enough, maybe just someone behaving a bit oddly or too keen, for example. In my case it was the latter - unwanted attention from someone I had barely even notice, and I put it down to naivety on his part. Only those who have been there can know when the line was crossed from 'behaving like an idiot' or 'a bit too interested', to 'this is unacceptable/frightening'. I blocked my harasser after 3 weeks by every means I knew about, and I still thought maybe I was overreacting. After 6 weeks radio silence, I received a FB message from a new account (same name though), at 1am. The message in isolation was totally bland - but to me it spoke volumes because it was so matter of fact it was as if we had been communicating regularly in those 6 weeks. I spent the rest of that night renaming my accounts, removing recognisable photos, blocking, deleting stuff, everything I could. I took advice - but even at this point I couldn't quite make myself believe I had a stalker but was lucky to have a family friend in the police I could ask. He confirmed that it sounded at the very least like harassment that could have been acted on - but as I had deleted everything there was no evidence. He advised one email to clarify I wanted no more contact, and block; but then keep anything else that arrived via new addresses/accounts/numbers so that I could take them to the police , if needed. Also advised that I informed just enough people to cover my weekly routine, so that if at any point in the week I failed to arrive where I was expected, or make contact as usual, it rang alarm bells. Just in case.
Point is, when you are on the receiving end, you do assume this is someone just behaving wrong, you don't expect to have to start pulling up the shutters. By the time you realise you need to, you can be quite scared.

ItsNachoCheese · 31/05/2018 19:35

Hope she wraps her nonsense now and leaves you alone

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