Softzilla, the police

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

I can't update just now but here's the new thread. I will update later when I can.

It certainly sounds as if both Party Mum and the group organiser are being pretty spineless tbh. Why is Softzilla still being allowed to come to the group and make the OP's life a misery??

So sorry Unreasonable that SZ has done this to you. And yes, she is doing it to you. I’m in awe of how cool and collected about this. A masterclass in dignity under extreme pressure.

You need to have a word with group leader, she needs to go. Either she’s latching on to Party Mum, or this is still about you.

Something isn’t right and this is now well and truly in scary territory

She's playing divide and conquer. Agree next time, if PM isn't confident to say "SZ why are you following me everywhere as if you're glued to me" then she could move away as if to make a phone call and ask for privacy. SZ can hardly stand alone staring at her whilst she makes a call although she might thinking about it!

PM needs to play dodge and escape.

What a nightmare. And you say all your DC will be going to the same school

You need to just ignore now.

She's had long enough getting a rise out of you and she's still trying. As long as she can see the whole thing is being talked about and causing an atmosphere, the longer she's going to keep on doing it. Just carry on regardless. If she's sticking to Partymum like glue, so be it. Be in the same vicinity of them if you want to speak to Partymum. If she was with a couple of people you didn't know, you wouldn't necessarily speak to them, so just think of her as someone you don't know.

She will get bored of it soon enough, if she sees she's not getting any attention anymore.

Enough is enough.

Agree with the divide and conquer bit. She’s still trying to get at you and isolate you. You need to group with party friend to discuss tactics. Personally I wouldn’t let her tagging on stop her from coming over to you. She’s free to do as she wishes. Softzilla isn’t.

If you’re still friendly with group leader I’d mention it to her. See what she says.

Did the rest of the group pick up on this? I mean I can’t imagine people are that dense they haven’t seen the tension. They must know what’s happening too.

I think it's time the group leader told her she is no longer welcome because she's clearly determined to carry on causing trouble. Though unfortunately she will then almost certainly proceed to phoning up all the other members of the group and whining at them that she's 'being bullied' or something.

I feel sorry for Party Mum. She's happily supported OP throughout and it must have been awkward and difficult to know how to deal with a full on Softzilla treatment as it unfolded. It's easy to say with hindsight but at the tme, she probably didnt know how SZ was going to react. Horrible and awkward for both of you and nerve wracking because you can't judge what this woman will do next. Following Party Mum around in the way that she did is stalking by proxy and Play Leader needs to acknowledge this, whether SZ complains to others about it or not. If someone who you know is a bit agressive says to you OP called the police on me and then had me banned from Soft group.. you might say Oh how awful, but you'd also think, well they must have had grounds for it. You are doing the very best you can in difficult circumstances OP, wishing you a speedy resolution.

I think it's time the group leader told her she is no longer welcome because she's clearly determined to carry on causing trouble.

Yes, it's time she intervened. If I were group leader I wouldn't want these vibes and this behaviour at my group.

Absolutely, she's trying to 'take over' Party Mum.

If I were PM, I'd probably have looked at SZ and said "I'm going over to talk to Unreasonable now, and I know you aren't allowed to be near her" and then walked away.

I too feel sorry for party mum. Given the ordeal OP has been through the last wee while, I don’t blame her for not knowing what to do when SZ pulled her latest stunt.

Let’s not forget SZ has form for making a scene, and even grabbed OPs arm in front of everyone (including small children) when she didn’t get her own way last time, so PM was probably desperately uncomfortable but trying to avoid a scene in front of the wee ones.

Fully agree, group leader now needs to tell SZ she is no longer welcome because of her inability to control her behaviour.

You’re all being far too polite:

Next time PM needs to call out Softzilla, “Why are you following me around?” Would be a good start.

She doesn’t respond to hints, ignoring or subtle social cues.

PM could also try, “Please go away and leave me alone.” “I’m going to talk to other people now”. Or “For fucks sake you fucking freak, fuck off”.

Ok, maybe hold that last one in reserve to use only if the other direct messages don’t work.

I agree that group leader should tell her she is no longer welcome. She is making your time there uncomfortable.

Next time PM needs to call out Softzilla, “Why are you following me around?” Would be a good start.

Aye, because calling her out last time went so well!

Well unfortunately party Mum played straight into softzillas hands there by not asserting herself away from sz.

Sz attached herself to her in order to deliberately prevent unreasonable from feeling the company of her friend.

This is and always has been a war over friends and territory and at the moment, SZ is winning.

Next time PM needs to call out Softzilla, “Why are you following me around?” Would be a good start.

Aye, because calling her out last time went so well! Agreed, it would need to be so much stronger.

Something along the lines off, 'You need to leave me alone, and stop following me because I will take it further like Unreasonableunreasonableness' That way Softzilla will know that other people are aware OP has had to report her to the police.

Something along the lines off, 'You need to leave me alone, and stop following me because I will take it further like Unreasonableunreasonableness' That way Softzilla will know that other people are aware OP has had to report her to the police.

As long as OP was ok with that, I reckon that would be a decent response tbh.

Maybe SZ wasn't 'following' party friend, but more like just being 'there' when she was? Like nothing you could say 'she's following me', and very difficult to call her on.

She's def doing it to get to you OP, but if she just 'happened' to want to talk to the same people as PF is talking to, and ooops she's there again. It wouldn't take much, in a small hall, to 'bump into' PF and 'seem like' she's following her, but all she's doing, you see, is staying away from OP over there..... and PF is talking to some people who are away from OP over there....so I'll go over and talk to these people too...and PF is there, but that's ok because it is away from OP

On an earlier thread, I said I thought that the group leader would really like to ban SZ. I doubt this is the the first incident GL has witnessed, but I'll guess that previous victims just stopped coming to the group instead of standing up to SZ.

If the group leader repeats her offer to ban SZ, please let her do it. I'm sure you intend to teach your child that actions have consequences - it's time to let GL enforce the consequences of SZ's actions.

Agree, not a thing to report to police.

I wonder why PM found it so hard to say something like 'i'm just going over to talk to Un now, see you around/later/next week' or whatever, and shaken SZ off, so to speak. Could have said it quite early on in the proceedings.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda is easy in hindsight i suppose.

Definitely aimed at you - she is keeping up the psychological pressure on you. SZ is trying to isolate you from your friends in the group by stalking them - but in a sneaky and non obvious way that makes it impossible to report.

How does PM feel about it? Difficult position for her to decide what to do for the best in the heat of the moment. I think you need to decide in advance what to do. Perhaps it would be best if she did walk over to you as SZ could not follow easily.

I think this is quite concerning. It was a good time for Softzilla to drop it - and she didn’t.

Party Mum needs to speak to the group organiser. This needs to be about Party Mum and Softzilla. Yes, it is about you but it is a harassment of PM and should be seen as it’s own thing.

Softzillas’s behaviour towards PM isn’t a criminal offence but I would suggest that PM take it very seriously. Was Softzilla talking to PM? Or just following?

Group leader really needs to ban Softzilla from attending. She's not bringing anything positive to the group.