Softzilla, the police

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

I can't update just now but here's the new thread. I will update later when I can.

To be honest Party Mum let you down a bit today. She should've made an excuse to get away, toilet perhaps, then joined you when she came back. Also, you or Party Mum need to have a chat with the leader.

How have the rest of the group been with you? Frankly, if they've been low contact or trying to brush it under the carpet, I'd be inclined to find another group. I know you shouldn't have to but I wouldn't have the stamina to put up with this every week.

I really don't know what the police could do about this tbh. I would keep a note of things in case anything escalates, but leave it at that. Party mum should have asked her why she was following her around or have just ignored her and gone to speak to you as she normally would.

If I was your friend, I would take SZ aside and say I feel uncomfortable around her due the fact I'm your friend and what has happened and think it's best that we steer clear of each other, given the situation.

what an absolute fruitcake!!! shes mental. I wonder what her DH and family think of all this? From her persistence I doubt its her first rodeo. I wonder if they know what she does though

Party Mum should have come over to you, everyone knows she's been warned off you so that should have stopped her behaviour.

Yes, definitely calculated. It's good that Party Mum is completely up to speed on it all.

I wouldn't do anything about it in retrospect, but I would work with Party Mum to make sure it doesn't happen again - hopefully she will be keen to do this too as I imagine the last thing she wants is to be 'targeted'.

You need a joint strategy.

• Arrive together.

• Keep an eye for Softzilla, and try to make sure you're together when she arrives.

• If for any reason SZ succeeds in latching as she did today, Party Mum makes an excuse, goes to loo then comes straight over to you.

• Chat with leader, tell her what happened, preferably together, and that PM felt uncomfortable and both of you felt it was deliberate. Ask her advice on additional strategies- she has been supportive so far, would she be willing to keep a vague eye and if she sees the same situation arise and it's appropriate to do so, could she help with 'separating' -eg come up and talk to SZ, ask her to help with biscuits etc? Ultimately, this might be the way to eventually get her banned. I assume the leader won't want this kind of crap continuing and is probably itching to get rid of her so everyone can relax!

I agree with everyone else. She did this to separate you, and Party Mum should have come over to you, because SZ is not allowed near you, so if she'd followed Party Mum to you, you could contact the police and get Group Leader to throw her out.

Next week, make sure Party Mum and Group Leader know what to do.

You could always ring your contact at the police to have a chat and let them know what happened, that she's changed her strategy but it's obviously aimed at you. I doubt they'll be able to do anything, but it would be a good idea to have it logged.

Do what Fizzy has suggested.

Poor Party Mum. She can't have known what to d for the best and she ended doing that stupid thing we can all do when caught off guard - she took responsibility for managing Softzilla's behaviour.

Now you have both seen what Softzilla got out of that: in her mind she sidelined you, 'stole' your friend.

Next time anyone Softzilla latches on to should just walk back to you, let Softzilla do the back peddling, the active avoidance!

I think your friend should have walked over to you tbh. Not speaking to you has sent a strange message to SZ.

I'm unsure what you would be reporting to the Police.

What a crap position to put party mum in! Actually I think she did the right thing not leading SZ over to you OP, I think she was being a very loyal friend.

However I think it’s worth her having a word with group leader about how she feels about today, it’s not enough to take to the police but it is more intimidating behaviour. So it could be just enough for group leader to say, enough is enough.

I think Party Mum should have come over to you and acted normally.

I doubt Party Mum is her actual target - but I do agree it's a tactic to isolate you as you can't approach Party Mum without approaching her. It's actually a very chilling development to my mind and I would run it past the police officer you've spoken with before, not to report as such but to see if he can come up with any suggestions.
If Party Mum is brave enough, she could just turn to SZ and say 'We know what you're doing, now back off' - but I can understand if she didn't want to do this. I agree with others that you could ask Party Mum to walk over to you, and maybe bring other mums with her a sort of 'Come on let's go talk with Unreasonable'

And yes be DEFINITE that if it happens again, then PM is to come over to you as normal.

If SZ follows, then you and PM walk away together.

If she follows you, you just keep walking - and what other people will see is SZ following you around the hall, as she is forbidden from doing.

It might take a bit of balls but you'll be doing it together. And it's the perfect opp for Leader to then be able to say, I'm sorry, I need to ask you to leave.

Another way of dealing with it would have been for Party Mum to walk away from the group and stand on her own, and either say to SZ "Can you give me a minute please", or make a phone call and an excuse to say it's private/go to the loo.
Then she either joins you or you join her.
Staying with other people makes it less weird of Softzilla, whereas following someone who has said out loud to leave them alone for a minute is less easy to pull off.

Party Mum doesn't need to make any excuses or go to the loo (unless she wants to of course). All she needs to do is when she moves on from a group to simply go over to you. SZ has been warned off so if she follows PM to you/your group, then Group Organiser needs to get involved again.

Very simple.

I think you should keep a record of it, but I don't think there's anything in today's behaviour that the police could take action on.

She clearly hasn't let go, and it's only going to be a matter of time before she goes too far.

Have you discussed it with group leader? Were you able to chat to other people today when SZ was doing her creepy as fuck routine with party mum?

You cannot call the police about today, you will look like a lunatic!!! They will stop taking you seriously too "she ignored me but followed my friend"

Party mum totally took the cowards way, she should have come over to you for sure

Sorry but party mum should have left her and came over to you, she arrived with you so why did she leave you alone all the time?

SZ woudlnt have been able to follow her due to the police warning and PF could have said "Excuse me I am going to talk to Unreasonable now. see you next time." and left her standing. There is no law that says she has to let her follow her about all session.

Make sure PF does this next time or SZ will be repeating this to try to isolate you from your friends and they are falling for it. She doesnt get to decide who you talk to just by intimidating others.

Have a word with the group leader and see what she says

I see what people are meaning about it being difficult to describe how this was problematic/invasive.

You could still talk to the officer you've been dealing with, while not strictly a police matter it goes to building a picture of pattern of behaviour if she does escalate again in the future.

I'd describe it as her acting in such a way as to deliberately isolate you from a source of support.

In party mum's shoes I like to think I'd have headed toward you and if she followed told her to back off but not sure if I'd have thought of that at the time. Objectivity helps.

Now the politeness is out the way - Wtaf is wrong with this bitch?! Police have had to get involved to tell her to wind her fucking neck in and she's STILL trying to piss mark her territory. What an absolute fucking weirdo!

If I were friends/related to her I'd be SO embarassed!!

Frankly I wonder wtf the group leader is playing at too! I'd have long since barred her as its bound to be having a negative affect on everyone else too!

sorry i th8ink youre friend should havejust pretended she didnt know she was being followed and come to talk to you

shes now trying to seprate you and its worked-she knows party mum feels awakward when shes arund her

Wow - she is calculated and manipulative - and brazen with it.
Nasty.

Im assuming PM was caught off guard by SZ behaviour and did the 'polite thing' but she needs to open her mouth and tell SZ to back off!

SZ is calculated and you need to expect her to have thought out many strategies and be one step ahead in dealing with her. The sooner everyone stops being polite and tells her to fuck right off, the better.

Why did partymum not just dump her? And say ‘Excuse me, I’m going over to unreasonable now’? Bit crap of her, tbh.