Softzilla, the police

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

I can't update just now but here's the new thread. I will update later when I can.

Sounds like she may have finally got the hint OP 🤞🏻

I think you should go early and I would ignore SIL.

This is what is worrying and why you shouldn't go late. She's already been talking about the situation and it will be easy for her to make people thing you overreacted as they don't know the full story.

I personally would reply to her SIL and briefly explain the situation. You shouldn't have to and you're business isn't with her, but you are part of a group and she is going to be spinning her side. Sometimes saying nothing works and sometimes it doesn't. Depends on the person you are dealing with. It seems she is like a dog with a bone and may switch to playing the victim now.

My gut reaction was not to respond to your friend who is also SZs SIL.

Then i was thinking that composing a simple explanation, couple of sentences such as:
'Hi X, i clearly told SZ i didn't want any more contact but was getting up to 14 calls a day from her plus hassle at x group every week. I asked local PCSO for advise and they offered to ask her to stop'.

is to the point and less dramatic than ignoring. There's no way she can think anything but - bloody hell my SIL is a nutter, poor unreasonable!

I wouldn't reply to her without checking with police first though. As pps have said let them know a relative of SZ but friend of yours is asking about it.

That's a great reply by laiste if you do go down the responding route.

I'd do what Laiste suggests.

Another for Laiste's reply....

I would check with the police before saying anything I do like Laistes response. It is very bland.

I just wouldn't respond. What would be gained by it? It's not going to hold much standing if things do escalate for you to get into dialogue.

I wouldn’t say the PCSO offered to ask her to stop. That makes it sound like they were doing OP a favour. They weren’t, SZ’s behaviour was harassment.

I do feel for you OP, say nothing and you're loving the drama, say something and you're stirring it. I would just text back 'sadly yes as I'd tried everything else. Hope that's an end to it , see you at group'. Factual but not gossip and needs no further replies if she messages you again.

I think you said SIL was s frkend if yours? If so I would reply and be honest. Just say I’m afraid I felt I had no choice, it was getting completely out of hand with x calls a day and her having to be removed from the playgroup by the leader after shouting at me (or however you described it) as soon as I walked in.

Maybe mention the party invite but not that you don’t think it’s real just that you rejected it (last contact her being removed) and she kept asking about DD coming which given the circumstances you weren’t comfortable with.

Is the sil her dhs sister or possibly his brothers wife? I'm wondering if she's had a word and that's why the dh wasn't that shocked by the police's arrival.

I'd ignore the SIL unless the police advise otherwise/it escalates.

I like your response Laiste and have now sent a version of that. She was a friend before I knew that they were related (it is quite distant. She is the sister of softzilla's partner's SIL if that makes sense....). And she was close enough that id told her what happened until I discovered that she was connected. I feel a little wary as she didn't tell me of that connection herself - she told friend 1 and friend 1 passed it on.

Go carefully @unreasonableunreasonableness

Keep engagement with your SZ related friend to a minimum, just until this whole shebang calms down x

Well done op..sometimes no communication leads to different version of events being spread around. So atleast yours is out there. X

I think its good that you have sent a message to SZ sil Sil... good for you. Lets hope things settle down soon for you.

shes not ashamed because in her head shes done nothing wrong

i wouldnt reply to the sil at all

sorry didnt refresh before posting

I wouldn’t get too sus about SIL. She may not have known how to broach it or what to say when you confided in her. Don’t let this make you worry about others too as it may be completely unfounded and change the way you act towards them and you then become the person starting drama where there doesn’t need to be any.

What did SIL say?

Does SZ's SIL go to the group?
What day is the group?

I'm losing track!

I think group is Friday and don't think Softzillas SIL goes

I think you did the right thing responding OP. You have nothing to be ashamed of, if you keep ignoring messages it'll make you look guilty