Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Softzilla, the police

960 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 31/05/2018 16:59

I can't update just now but here's the new thread. I will update later when I can.

OP posts:
BlueEyedBengal · 01/06/2018 00:27

Perfectly thanks now I see it🍹

Jux · 01/06/2018 00:56

DD's ex wouldn't accept her decision to break up with him. Luckily, he lived 100+ miles away, so he only phoned, texted, and messaged her. 10-20 times a day for nearly 6 months, at which point she contacted the police, who rang him to tell him to leave her alone. He didn't believe it was actually the police so he carried on. So they called him in and read him the riot act. He was still protesting that he only needed to speak to her f2f and they could sort it out. They cautioned him. Then he started working on their friends........

Stalkers are NOT fun. DD got to the point where the phone buzzing made her burst into tears, she couldn't concentrate on anything, started failing at College (doing 2nd year A levels), nearly had a breakdown. She has since developed fibromyalgia and CFS, due to the stress of it all.

This vile man (26 years old) has devastated her life, and is trying to alienate all her friends. Still. They broke up a year ago now. She is 18. 18!

OP, you have all my sympathy. You are handling this so well.

Dinoraw · 01/06/2018 00:58

I'm a few threads behind and too tired to read past page 1. Anyone update me please?

MrsCrabbyTree · 01/06/2018 02:22

OP, hoping this all calms down now, after the police visit.

BlankTimes · 01/06/2018 02:31

@Dinoraw

For quick precis, see post on page 7 of this thread by Clutterbugsmum Thu 31-May-18 19:23:45

emmyrose2000 · 01/06/2018 03:55

Good on you, OP, for following through when you told SZ that you'd take action if she continued to harass you.

Unfortunately, I don't think this will be last of her. She may leave you alone directly (hopefully), but I think she'll start acting with righteous indignation to mutual friends and try to spin her craziness to paint herself in a good light. Hopefully though everyone will see through her and tell her to go take a hike.

She said we were close friends and suddenly I had stopped talking to her
Even if this was true, which it obviously isn't/wasn't, that's no excuse to harass someone multiple times a day, growl at them and generally behave like a complete loon! Any normal person would've just taken the hint and moved on.

mmzz · 01/06/2018 03:57

@JingsMahBucket thanks for your post. I never understood why he stopped.
But it hasn't half spooked me! I was dreaming about it and it woke me up. Then I just lay in the dark, going over all the ways I should have predicted, and then taken steps to avoid, finding myself alone with him that night.

That's what a stalker does for you. He/ she makes you build them into your daily life. Before you do anything, or go anywhere, you are wondering if they will be there. You won't share on social media. You get anxious about who has your number. You try to vary your routine. Take unpredictable routes. Your friends think you are overreacting about not being willing to go some place in case he's there because after all he hasn't actually done anything, except looked.

All the time, you are racking your brains to try to remember what you did to this person that started all this. Was there something that you did or said that meant nothing to you, but from their perspective was so deeply upsetting that they began to obsess about you? Maybe it's something that you didn't do that you should have done? Maybe it was as insignificant as not holding a door open?? Etc., etc.

I thought all these things endlessly at the time. I've woken up tonight and lain in the dark going through it again, trying to figure it out. I know he was either bad or mentally ill, but I still ask: why me? And that's how they get into your head, without actually doing anything.

mmzz · 01/06/2018 04:06

@Jux why didn't your DD just get a new number, start using a new email address and maybe your DH could take her old number in a spare handset and answer each time the ex wanted to share his thoughts on why they should re-unite?
Break ups can be hard, but that is ridiculous!
I hope your DD will be ok.

GoatYoga · 01/06/2018 05:32

Did the police mention anything about the anniversary party? Just wondering if it’s a genuine party or if it was a way to get you on your own and in to a situation where you would have to talk to her?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/06/2018 05:45

I cannot believe she lied to the police. You stopped talking to her and owe her money. Really ? Does she believe her lies? I agree with the consensus not to give her the £5. You will then be contacting her, which she may see as antagonistic and potentially prolong this ridiculous situation. I do hope she leaves you alone after this. Baffling. I do wonder what goes on in other people’s heads sometimes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/06/2018 05:52

Goat
It made wonder what softzilla had planned for op. Perhaps some kind of revenge maybe. And no consideration that her dd would be present. Sad

Bunnygreys · 01/06/2018 07:37

You’re handling this really well. My thoughts are the SZ in her warped view believes you owe her- I think that is her narrative to the rest of baby group too. I think the anniversary party was a set up to get you there so she could challenge you on the spot about the £5.
I think this will be the end of it if her dp and others can make her see how unhinged it’s all become.
You shouldn’t have to change your behaviour BUT if it were me I’d find another group to go to that day. Long term I’d hope she moves otherwise school gates will be awkward.
Hope you are ok 💐

mmzz · 01/06/2018 07:46

What is interesting is that the police said her DH didn't appear surprised. Maybe he has a good poker face, or she's been bending his ear about you too?

Personally, I'd be looking to avoid her completely for a month or two and hope it just all calms down. That is sort of up to her though.

Good luck!

SenoritaViva · 01/06/2018 08:11

Hope this has put an end to it OP.

CoraPirbright · 01/06/2018 08:14

What is interesting is that the police said her DH didn't appear surprised. Maybe he has a good poker face, or she's been bending his ear about you too?

Or, more likely, she has form for this kind of thing! I think the £5 thing was just thought up as an excuse on the hoof. She has never mentioned it in any other contacts so this is not really what it is about. She has got some sort of imaginary grievance against you. Are you going to speak to the group leader and tell her about having to involve the police? I def would - one of you needs to leave that group ...and it ain’t you!!!

FullMetalRabbit · 01/06/2018 08:15

Good post Ucantarguewistupid

JaffaCakesForBreakfast · 01/06/2018 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 01/06/2018 08:15

Definitely don't give her £5.
Tell everyone in group -
If I DID owe her £5, I would have given it to her, but I don't.
If giving her £5 would make her leave me alone, I would gladly pay it.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/06/2018 08:28

I couldn't even leave the house one day mmzz, he was outside my flat door, and I had our 6mo DD inside. We were trapped in our own house, and the police didn't have a spare car to send round. He never texted anything threatening, which meant at the time that he hadn't really committed an offence. He was just intimidating.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/06/2018 08:40

Don't you believe it Jaffa? Report. Hmm

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 01/06/2018 08:44

I still want to know what the growling was all about though.

Laiste · 01/06/2018 08:45

I think it's really funny when posters say thing like ''i've read through 80 thousand pages of this rubbish and wasted a week of my life and i don't believe a word of it !!!''

I'm like; soooo why did you keep on reading it?Confused Grin It really says more about them than the OP!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/06/2018 08:48

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa (how many a's are in that?) It might be the low growl I do in the back of my throat when a baddy's being particularly bad on TV. Blush

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/06/2018 08:51

Oh me too. Four threads of tripe. Sadly that is how many stalkers get to be so fucking scary.

No sane and sensible person would give credence to the level of irritation anger and fear the silly, pettiness of small, repeated, unwanted contacts can cause.

Lizzie48 · 01/06/2018 09:05

JaffaCakes if you think it's 4 threads of tripe, why have you bothered to follow it? Just hide the thread and choose another one to follow. But then you're someone who simply likes being goady. Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread