I have 3 DD's, DD1 + DD2 and dd3. All live with me.
Dd1 is 28. works part time. Got into a fair whack of debt and had to move back in with me to try to clear it. She also has a DS aged 3. I look after him for approx 15hrs a week as well as his time at nursery so that she can work. She works approx 26hrs per week but sometimes does up to 30 or as little as 22 (averages 26).
Dd2 is 20. Just left an abusive relationship. Has been here for 2 weeks, no job. But is job hunting while considering studying later in the year. No income, but I buy her food (which is generally pretty cheap. She costs me approx £15 a week total) I also give her £2 for the bus whenever she has an interview, she's had 4 in 2 weeks. Due to her own circumstances she may not be eligible for JSA (a long story) but she is trying as we speak and they may be able to help her with at least advice if not money. But I can't let her starve.
Dd3, disabled, aged 12. Non verbal, in nappies 24/7. Prone to violent meltdowns. Mental age of 3. I am her carer full time and yes, I'm on benefits (burn me for it If you'd like!).
Rent I charge dd1.
Dd1 pays £100 a week, which doesn't even touch what the council are charging me for having her here (£110pw in reduction of HB due to her moving in) let alone her food and her sons food (which I buy) or the rise in bills such as gas and electric - which has been substantial.
All in all having DD1 and her DS here leaves me about 80pw in the hole but I don't say anything as I know she can't really afford to pay any more.
But recently she hasn't even been paying the £100. This week it was £85 but the week before it was £35 she paid, and before that it was £45. Every time I question it she screams and screams at me, which can result in a violent meltdown from dd3.
Dd1 also leaves my house a state most days. She will frequently refuse to help around the house or only do so begrudgingly, even if it's her mess. Sometimes I just leave it for her to sort but sometimes I can't (if for example she has filled my washing machine and there's a load of wet half musty clothes in there while my dirty laundry is backed up). She will leave dishes unwashed for days, to the point where I crack and do them myself.
I'm normally very houseproud and I am miserable with this.
But recently every time I try to say anything about DD1's messiness, lack of reliability with paying (to the point where last week I could not pay my rent to the council, something I can't allow to go on for too long) she screams at me that dd2 is clearly my favourite as she does not have to pay anything and I give her money.
Dd2 does not have to pay for several reasons.
The council aren't charging me anything to have her here (as she has no income).
You can't get blood out of a stone, if I said "pay me £50 a week" or whatever, dd2 would be terrified scrabbling around to sell some of her very few possessions, for £50. Which would help for the first week maybe, but once that money is gone my dd has nothing anymore and I'm no better off for it anyway!
I also don't give my dd money in that sense, as explained I give her £2 for a ticket on the bus when she has a job interview (so she can find work) and I buy her food. She eats cheap stuff which costs me very little.
I also think, given dd1 isn't actually paying what she's costing (which I've tried to tell her but ends in her being shouty, dramatic and saying I favour dd2) she has a right cheek to try and tell me that I can't spend on average £20pw on dd2. Especially because not doing so would mean starving my own child. Something I would not do to either of them (and I would absolutely keep dd1 on no money if she was out of work and could not claim anything)
So tell me, am I being unfair? Dd1 wants me to stop giving dd2 money for interviews and buying food but dd1 isn't exactly forthcoming on how her sister can live on fresh fucking air 