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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with being called a lesbian when im not one.

78 replies

Mummyduck10 · 31/05/2018 10:57

I see my best friend of 10 years very regularly about 3 times a week we have always been very close we also talk on the phone almost every day my dh and her partner are also good friends as are our children.

Any day that I plan to see my friend my dh always comes out with a ridiculous comment like "Are you going to see your lesbian lover?" Or "What are you two sissor sisters going today? Going to sissor each other?"

I know he's joking but I dont really find it funny and I'm starting to think he is jealous of our friendship although I'm not really sure why as me and dh usually get on well.

I've nothing against any lgb person but I didn't just go through a year of stress to plan my wedding to a man to be called a lesbian by my own husband whether he's joking or not its getting old now but actually wasn't that funny to begin with. He will make a joke at every opportunity he gets whether we see lesbians on the street or on the telly you can bet he will come out with some dig.

Aibu to tell him to fuck off and stop being so jealous and childish?

OP posts:
FASH84 · 31/05/2018 11:02

It sounds like wishful thinking on his part, some men think two lesbians would love a male companion (so wrong I know). He's being childish.

StringandGlitter · 31/05/2018 11:02

YANBU.

Assuming you have asked him to stop, next time he goes somewhere make a crude comment such as “Oh you’re seeing Bob? Are you going to be giving or receiving today?”

Not that I approve of homophobia, but sometimes the only way to get through to twats some people is to mirror their behaviour.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 31/05/2018 11:04

You married someone who speaks to you that way? Tell him to fuck right off with his bullshit 'jokes'. What a tosspot.

liz70 · 31/05/2018 11:04

Are you married to a twelve year old? Confused Tell the immature knobhead to grow the fuck up, or get the fuck out. It would do my head in being around somebody who acted so twattishly.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 31/05/2018 11:07

Ugh he's so childish. The best way to deal with that kind of silliness is to tell him once he's being a childish knob and then completely ignore it after that ..no reaction whatsoever, don't laugh, don't get angry just act like he never said it.
He'll soon get the hint.

ShawshanksRedemption · 31/05/2018 11:08

His behaviour is appalling, but I think he may be feeling excluded from your friendship. Time to sit down and have a chat. If he insists there is no problem, then he needs to stop his sniping as it is totally unnecessary.

BrandNewHouse · 31/05/2018 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotDavidTennant · 31/05/2018 11:15

Sounds like he is jealous of the relationship you have with her.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 31/05/2018 11:15

He sounds like Jay from the Inbetweeners Hmm

How can you possibly respect a grown man who still has a juvenile obsession with lesbian sex? Most boys grow out of that nonsense by the time they're 14 years old. I would find it a complete turn off to be honest.

TheShapeOfEwe · 31/05/2018 11:21

He is being very childish. Start deadpan calling him out - every single time he does it, look him in the eye and calmly say 'why do you make these comments when you know they aren't funny and upset me?'

Then wait for his response. If he tries to say it's just a joke and you're overreacting, keep asking calmly 'but you know I don't find it funny and it upsets me, so why do you keep doing it?'.

He'll soon get the picture and learn to stop being so puerile and irritating!

Original poster
Mummyduck10 · 31/05/2018 11:23

No i see and speak to dh a lot more and a lot of the time me and my friend spend together is when our dps and dc are around so we probably spend maybe one day a week where we will meet up in town with my dd and run a few errands and that's it.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 31/05/2018 11:23

What is he, twelve?

I agree with Ewe above. Deadpan it.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 31/05/2018 11:23

God he sounds vile. Tell him you don’t want to hear any more puerile comments, and see if he stops. If he doesn’t you have a much bigger problem on your hands: a husband who doesn’t respect your boundaries or care about the impact his words have on you. If my OH or I have ever got stuck on a ‘joke’ one of us found hilarious and the other didn’t, and the other person said ‘can you stop saying that I don’t like it’, it stops. I’d have serious difficulties staying with anyone who kept making ‘jokes’ I had already asked him to stop! It says a lot about his view of you.

Having said that, it sounds like he does have an issue with how much you see and speak to her, so I think that needs addressing. I admit even as an adult with plenty of close friends with a partner who also has plenty of close friends, I’d find it a bit odd if he had a friend he was seeing every other day and ringing to talk to on the days he didn’t see him. That’s a hell of a lot of time. I’m amazed the two of you have chance in your days! Is it worth talking to him and asking how he really feels about your friendship? Does he feel like he’s second best, it takes time away from the marriage and kids, like you’d rather be with her at any opportunity than him?

Friendships are so so important and most people can balance friendships with their relationship but if it’s getting a bit out of whack and it’s being noted by him and it bothers him I think you need to be the adult here and approach it to discuss it, as he seems incapable of using his words beyond childish jokes.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 31/05/2018 11:24

Turn the tables.

Next time he's going out with a mate launch into a full blown Larry Grayson "Oooh Duckie" strut complete with limp wrist & pout.

Throw him a tub of vaseline.....

UserV · 31/05/2018 11:24

@liz70

Are you married to a twelve year old? Confused Tell the immature knobhead to grow the fuck up, or get the fuck out. It would do my head in being around somebody who acted so twattishly.

I agree with this. He is behaving like a childish twat.

But I agree with a pp that seeing a friend 3 times a week is a lot.

KirstenRaymonde · 31/05/2018 11:25

He seems like a twat, is he 14? I speak to my best friend every day and see her once or twice a week (would be more if I didn’t have to go to stupid work!) my DP wouldn’t dream of saying something like that. Tell him to grow up and stop being an idiot, it’s not a joke if it’s not funny and the recipient is unhappy about it.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 31/05/2018 11:26

No i see and speak to dh a lot more and a lot of the time me and my friend spend together is when our dps and dc are around so we probably spend maybe one day a week where we will meet up in town with my dd and run a few errands and that's it.

Maybe he doesn’t really want to be spending this amount of time with another family every single week and it’s coming out like this. I think most people would feel suffocated by that.

Fairenuff · 31/05/2018 11:26

When you tell your husband that something he is doing is upsetting to you, does he apologise and stop doing it?

If not, why not?

That's what you have to ask yourself.

FuckPants · 31/05/2018 11:29

He's an idiot but if I was in his situation I'd be feeling suffocated, maybe that's what he's trying to hint albeit very cack-handedly?

Lacucuracha · 31/05/2018 11:30

My husband used to joke that I was a PA at work and take minutes. At first I just told him 'nothing wrong being a PA but I'm not a PA'. But I soon got sick of it and told him clearly in my best cold voice that I don't care if I'm a cleaner or a CEO, he is never to make a derogatory remark about my job again. He never did it again.

Racecardriver · 31/05/2018 11:30

Everytime my DH sees a man one of us makes a gay lover joke and every time I see a woman we make the same joke. We're both straight so it is clearly meant as a joke (we both have a very crude sense of humour) but we only make jokes re heterosexual sex when we are joking about the two of us or somrone we would ever in a million years have sex with like me and my FIL for example, otherwise it would be a bit weird making a joke about someone who in other circumstances may have been a potential sexual partner. A bit weird I know, but just p E of those things. Is your husband generally a bit crude? Maybe that is where it is coming from. Either way just ask him to stop if it najes you uncomfortable.

SeaCabbage · 31/05/2018 11:31

YOu haven't said whether you have asked him to stop. Seriously. Stop.

SoyDora · 31/05/2018 11:31

He sounds pathetic. Childish twat.

MissionItsPossible · 31/05/2018 11:33

Sounds like an immature knob.

Elledouble · 31/05/2018 11:33

He needs to grow up - sounds like he feels threatened. Tell him to get a grip and shut up with his boring jokes.

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