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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be sterilized...

90 replies

TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 00:15

Just that really, got two gorgeous children, am 36 this year, had three MC, don't get on with hormonal contraception... had a coil fitted as part of an op to sort out the MCs and hated that... Am on antidepressants following most recent pregnancy as have really difficult pregnancies and am shit at giving birth... I am done and yet GP said no to sterilisation... suggested DH gets the snip which is all well and good but I want to be responsible for my own birth control, and if god forbid we split, I know I'm done with the two gorgeous kids I have... he may want more, which is fine, he's not the one who has to be pregnant, or give birth and all the shit that goes with that... (if your me, I know some women have fabulous pregnancies and births.... ) anyway, sorry for rambling but aibu?

OP posts:
Battleax · 31/05/2018 00:16

Write to the medical centre asking them to reconsider?

Fatted · 31/05/2018 00:23

No, YANBU!

I feel like this currently. I'm 38. I've had 2 kids and 2 c sections. My last pregnancy put me off for life. I asked to be sterilized before my last c-section and the doctor laughed telling me I might change my mind. I don't want to go back onto the pill because I honestly believe it gives me low moods.

I'm currently experiencing heavy periods that I'm beginning treatment for. I've put off treatment because I didn't want to just be told to go back on the pill. I'm reluctant to have any more surgery though after having had 2 sections, so I'm not really sure what my options are. Just wish they'd done it 3 years ago when I had my youngest!

NationalEspresso · 31/05/2018 00:24

No, YANBU at all. Mine was slightly more straightforward as it was done during c-section, but the best form of contraception ever. No hormones and no interference with sex drive.
Just don't get essure, clips or other form of foreign body - ask for a cut/cauterise of the fallopian tubes instead.

NationalEspresso · 31/05/2018 00:29

Fatted I requested sterilisation at booking in (was always going to be a cs) and at every mw and consultant appt thereafter so they knew I was serious. Made them write it on the notes! Registrar who started the cs (not the consultant who was booked to do it but eventually appeared when things got 'tricky') was not impressed about the idea but couldn't really say no as it had been agreed.Grin

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 00:30

Thank you! I felt I had quite a strong case for requesting it but GP said there are 100s of hoops to jump through and I 'only have 2 children... 2 is more than enough for me thanks Hmm I will make another appointment to ask to be reconsidered, was so shocked at her attitude today that I just sort of slunk off feeling silly

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 31/05/2018 00:33

Fatted he LAUGHED at you. Misogyny alive and well there then.

insomuchpain · 31/05/2018 00:34

I did not no you could be refused sterilisation, I just though it was your choice :O

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 00:35

That's what I thought too... apparently not though Confused

OP posts:
CatOwned · 31/05/2018 00:38

Gosh, it's ridiculous. In order to be sterilized over here it takes a minimum of 2 children AND being over 40. DM was done having children at 32 and had an illegal operation. Fast forward two decades and she's still got problems with it due to an unusual side effect.

Funnily enough, males can have the snip whenever they want Hmm

Grasslands · 31/05/2018 00:39

maybe the depression and antidepressants have the gp concerned you may change your mind when your mh condition improves.
i'd continue to push for it and highlight how legitimate your concerns are.
i had my tubal ligation with my last c/s, and oh my is it wonderful not worrying about possible pregnancies!!
otherwise is private an option?

Slinkymalinky1 · 31/05/2018 01:04

Wow this annoys me so much! Why can't doctors accept that humans are able to make a feckin choice about their own reproductive health! As long as they make it clear reversals are not offered on the nhs, they're covered, so what's the issue?! My husband after 2 children and over 40, was laughed at after asking for the snip and told to bring in his wife for the coil! I work with that Gp (arse) and he was told he's an arse Smile we went private. But not everyone has that option, it's ridiculous!

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 01:13

I would agree - you possibly aren’t best placed to make the decision now when you are clearly still feeling low and upset by your experiences
Is it some way of taking back control over your body after you feel it failed you? (It didn’t fail you but you are so negative about it you clearly rhink so)
I would suggest counseling and time.
Ask gp for op again in a year

LighthouseSouth · 31/05/2018 01:24

Alas this is a major problem on the nhs
Could you get your DH to accompany you and say if they're prepared to give him the snip then they are just blatantly discriminating against you? It's like women are walking wombs to them, so frustrating.

Also what are the 100 hoops? If someone just applies sense, there are no hoops. They're trying to put you off for some reason.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 31/05/2018 01:26

I'm 40, 38 weeks pregnant, got an elective c-section booked for next week as I'm also rubbish at giving birth (babies have dh's giant head and a tendency to like hanging out back to back plus I have a flat pelvis...great for wearing men's jeans, rubbish for childbirth). Asked the consultant about sterilization and she basically laughed at me.

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 01:26

The reason is the current state of her mental health
No state to be making life long irreversible decisions
Recover first then do it

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 01:27

Sterilization affects your long term health not just your fertility

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 01:29

Ah sorry tired - no that’s ovary removal not tube tying

Grasslands · 31/05/2018 01:29

please share, how does a tubal ligation affect your long term health??

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 01:32

Please read messages grasslands!

StillMedusa · 31/05/2018 01:33

TBH in your position I'd ask dh to get a vasectomy... it's a far smaller op, and sterilisation can have unwanted side effects (heavy periods for one)

Grasslands · 31/05/2018 01:41

glad you clarified that concept.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2018 02:36

Sterilization affects your long term health not just your fertility

Rubbish. I had my tubes tied at 27. Twenty years on and I am in excellent health with zero regrets. One of the best things I've ever done.

LeeValley2 · 31/05/2018 02:38

Can you go private? Of course YANBU.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 31/05/2018 03:25

Yanbu, I'm 30 and had it done after the birth of my last child 8 months ago. They asked me if I wanted it done before I asked.

Original poster
TotoroSakura · 31/05/2018 04:28

The antidepressants are for anti natal anxiety, I was put on them as my last pregnancy was so rough I was falling apart and missed a lot of work, it stressed me put so much it made the most sense in my mind to take them and to be fair they worked incredibly well in that respect . I adore my children, and feel like i am a great mum, just rubbish at pregnancy and giving birth! Like I said fair enough that DH can get the ship, I just want to take some responsibility for my own birth control. If a condom were to split and the MAP were to fail there is no way I could have a termination having had 3 MC, so I'd have to have that baby and then push for sterilisation at time of ECS, not ideal really? I appreciate what some of you are saying about my MH issues, I just feel like I can be sure of what I want reproductively

OP posts:
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